Post # 1
I must have changed my guest list a million times already! Im terrible – I worry so much about hurting peoples feelings and making sure everyone is happy etc. We probably have room for 130 but ideally need it to be closer to 110. The plan is to invite 130 in the knowledge that not everyone will come anyhow. Im also having evening guests so in total there are 167 people on my list…HOWEVER….
While I have all my closest friends and family on the “whole day” list, there are people on the evening list who have been very good to me, when I do see them (although that is rare) we get on like a house on fire, some people who are of the older generation and Im thinking they might prefer to come to the church and lunch rather than the evening…I am saying ALL are welcome to the church. However I understand some are coming from a distance and I feel mean saying go away and come back for the evening (assuming they would want to come to the church) – one is going to my hen party so surely she should get an automatic invite to the whole day? Some are from “my” church although I dont go as often as I used to (we arent getting married in “my” church), I do miss the people there and get on with them well, but unless Im at church apart from one who cant come anyhow I dont really talk to them outside of church??
Sorry Im rambling let me try and make it more simple:-
1) Do I invite church friends who I rarely see, never talk to outside of church but get on really well with when I am there and some in the past have been very good to me! (I mean the whole day list, they would be on the evening list) – this includes elderly people and all live within 20mins from me!
2) Do I automatically put people who are in the hen party/coming from a distance onto the whole day list?
3) There are parents of a very close friend of mine who have welcomed me into their home on multiple occasions but I am not overly close with them and they are from a different “world” almost (their daughter is a very close friend) but I have known them for 13years! Should I invite them?
4)Should I invite the Vicar and his Wife to the reception/breakfast?
Any advice greatly appreciated!!!
Post # 3
@dream_angel: I can honestly say that I don’t know what to tell you. My FI and I have about that many people invited, maybe a little less but their families and dates too, so if everyone that was invited showed up with a date or family it would be over 200. Luckily, we’ve got plenty of space so I am not worried…
Sorry I can’t really be of any help! 🙁
Post # 4
Its hard isnt it – Im hoping that because I am naming each individual person on the invite they wont invite extras such as kids..I have invited children just only the ones I know personally!
Post # 5
I’m not really understanding this. A wedding is a whole day celebration—it traditionally includes the ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, and reception. You aren’t supposed to invite guests to some parts of the celebration, and not invite them to other parts.
So, invite the 130 that you have room for to all of the events of the day. Otherwise, it’s like you have a tiered guest list, and will offend the guests that weren’t invited to all parts. And yes, you should invite your vicar and his wife to everything (if he is the one that is marrying you).
Post # 6
I can’t speak for personal expirience since my FI and I haven’t finalized our guest list butttt, we did know a couple who kept the the ceremony and dinner portion of the night more intimate with about 100 friends and family members. Then once the reception started they had all there other friends and co workers swing through. At the point they had an open bar and apps and deserts (since most of the new guests were expected to eat else where pror the reception) but provided them with things to pick on while they danced. They saved a good chunk of money doing this too since they didn’t have to pay per plate, and the venue only charged per person for catering.
Hope that helps. 🙂
Post # 7
Even though I’m inclined to say only invite 110 if that’s a more realistic number for you.
Just whatever you do, DO NOT invite more people than you can accomodate.
Post # 8
you’re going to get mixed reviews on here, because it’s regional and national -on who you invite to what and when, lots of folks in the usa consider it rude to not invite to the whole event(s) and for example, out of the states, you’ll see it more common.
Really it s about you and you and your fi feel about it.
We were doing family to the ceremony and friends and everyone else to the dinner and dancing part, but found out (as much as people complain about not wanting to go to a wedding) that almost every single one of our friends had something to say about not being invited, and how they wre family too-lol. Even the guys! and even the folks we didnt think would want to go to a boring ceremony, so -we have up’d our budget to accomodate everyone to the ceremony and everyone to the reception.
sigh. but it will be so much fun! 🙂 can’t wait!! this is much better, no hurt feelings and no weirdness between folks who come to one part but not the other, etc.
Post # 9
It also depends on where you are and what is acceptable in your culture….is it the norm in your area to do tiered lists? if so, everyone will understand, if not, then I don’t think it’s a good idea to start the trend. In that case invite the number that makes sense for your budget and venue.
Post # 10
Invite the amount you can accomodate for all the days events only.
Post # 11
@BrooklynWife: Im from the UK and we do it slightly differently…we have church, reception, wedding breakfast and then an evening reception – its quite common for people to have two guest lists one for the whole day and one for the reception. So guests will expect that. The difference is Im telling the evening guests they are welcome to the church but that should technically be common knowledge as a church is an open invite in the UK – anyone can technically turn up!
Oh and I dont know what you guys do in the USA, but the evening reception will involve more food. Traditionally people would have ceremony, reception, breakfast (ie sit down meal) and that was it…now a lot of people do the evening reception which usually involves a hog roast or buffet or something.
Also its not common to invite Vicar and Wife (at least in UK) which is why Im not sure. When I say not common, I mean we dont see them every week – its different if I was a regular church goer at their church.
Its interesting how different countries do things though! Thanks for the response!
Post # 12
@dream_angel Ah! Like Kate and Will! I got it! Hmmm, can all 167 fit in the church? If so, then invite all to the church and evening reception (maybe spread through word of mouth you won’t be offended if people only invite to the evening reception don’t come), and then just invite close familly/friends to brunch. Maybe the friends who go to the hen party the night before will want to take a nap in between the ceremony and the night reception!
Are you going to have 2 dresses too! You’re lucky the whole day is spaced out and you get a really long celebration! Congrats!
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Anaheim Hills Golf Course
I think it’s rude to allow certain people to come to certain parts of the wedding. Bad etiquette!
Post # 14
@BrooklynWife: No one dress!! haha…yes it will be a long day…we are having the venue at home too so mum is planning bacon sarnies for 2am! (we are getting married at 1pm, 2 hour reception, 4hour sit down and then the night time reception begins!! Ill think Ill need a nap! hehe) Do you guys have the hen party the night before? WOW – thats brave! Mines the same week, but most have them a couple of weeks before (mainly because most girls have about 2-3hen parties!)
Oh and yes 167 can fit in the church – with a squeeze!
Post # 15
@cynthern: Im not worried about the two teired list, seriously its the norm in the UK, I wouldnt do it if it was considered rude. Im huge on etiquette – hence Im worrying so much about the list. Most of the guests expect it, they know that most places couldnt seat everyone down for a sit down meal but can hold more people who are stood around dancing etc and moving about the place. They would rather be invited to one part than none at all.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2014 - Italiano's Humble
we were doing something similar. early evening family dinner, then ceremony with everyone, followed with apps, dessert and alcohol late night.
I think if you do this, you should do an early ceremony and lunch with the 110 guest list. then, in the evening, like after 7, opt for dancing, apps and open bar. also, this gives other guests the option of finding child care so they can party all night.
fyi, you would do 2 separate invites. one for lunch group and then one for late night group. you could change your early reception to immediate family, BP & OOT guests. this way it’s less expensive and people won’t be nearly as offended, if at all.