Guest List Help

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Waitingbee57:  We didn’t have that many on our guest list, but the way we chose who to invite was thinking like this: “would i truly miss this person if they were not there?” “If I were this person, would I be offended if I didn’t get invited?” Also, I noticed I consider a lot of people “close” friends, and then realized we haven’t seen each other in a while! Sometimes it takes a little reevaluating 🙂

Post # 4
250 posts
Helper bee

Truthfully you can do one of two things. Either A cut down on kids and plus ones up to people who are either married, engaged, or living together or do a family only wedding? 

Post # 5
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Waitingbee57:  Also, if you need to, eliminate people in groups. Say it’s all your best friends from high school (which it might be really hard not to invite them 🙁 ), then cut all of them out, not just a few of them. 

Post # 6
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Can you describe your relationships to those 130 people — who they consist of? Maybe we can help you if we know that?

Post # 7
193 posts
Blushing bee

You want 100 people to invite or 100 people to come to the wedding? Just for numbers, I would invite the 130 guest list you have now because there will be people who cannot come, something comes up, or they rsvp yes and don’t show. We invited 140 to our wedding and 84 people came at holiday time. That way you don’t have to cut it down anymore and everyone you really care about gets an invite!

Post # 8
1644 posts
Bumble bee

Try this:

Put your guestlist away for three days and don’t look at it.

Three days later, sit down with your fiance, and list out everyone on your guestlist from memory. Cut the people whose names you didn’t remember. If that doesn’t get you down far enough, take the first one hundred whose names came first to mind.

Post # 9
2 posts
  • Wedding: October 2006

Determining the guest list is one of the hardest parts of wedding planning and you certainly have my sympathy.

I’d like to share a passage from “Miss Manners’ Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding,” not to criticize your approach at all, but simply because it offers a different perspective that you might find useful.

Miss Manners writes: “It has belatedly occurred to Miss Manners that there is something inherently rude in allowing style and cost to prevail over emotional bonds. When something has to be cut, it should be the menu and frills, not the guests. Let us say, for example, that you have a large family or a huge circle of friends who truly care about you and with whom you would like to share your wedding, but feeding them all dinner is prohibitive. The solution is to feed them all wedding cake and punch, rather than to feed everything to only a few. All that is required is not to set the wedding near a mealtime…Miss Manners would like to hear of the two families planning together, first asking, ‘Whom would you like to have?’ and only afterward, ‘Well, let’s see. What can we afford to feed them?” It would be an excellent introduction, Miss Manners believes, to the special definition of a fairness and generosity essential to a successful marriage.”

Again, you haven’t shared your circumstances and I don’t at all mean to criticize your need to prune the guest list. But since you say you truly love and care for them, then perhaps it might be more important to accomodate the 130 in whatever style you can manage — and I think afternoon weddings can be very chic — rather than to exclude thirty people that you love from sharing this important day with you.

It’s simply another way of looking at the problem. I wish you the best!

Post # 10
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

great tips! following 🙂

Post # 14
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I cut down on +1 so I could get people that mattered more there.

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