(Closed) Guest list, in-laws, HELP

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@InATizzy:  I am hoping to goodness situations like this do not happen once planning and guest list making is in full swing for me. Honestly, you’re paying the bill, you make the choices. In a polite way, you have to tell your in-laws that you and your FI are looking to have a small intimate wedding with close friends and family, and that if she would like to have a celebration of your marriage on another occaision with her friends she is welcome to do so, but venues have already been chosen based on size and budget, and unfortunately no additions can be made to the guest list. They might not like it, but I think you have to be firm. I totally understand where you’re coming from.

Post # 4
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Make sure you and FI are on the same page, then next time FILs bring this up, he can respond with “I’m sorry, it won’t be possible to invite your friends” and just repeat until they give up. They don’t have the right to invite people to your wedding, even if they pay for it. 

Post # 6
Member
46160 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Glad to hear FI is on the same page. Just keep repeating ” we are having the  small intimate wedding of our dreams. It is not possible to add more guests.”

 

Post # 8
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@InATizzy:  I’m not even engaged yet but when SO and I talk about possible guest lists hypothetically, it’s like, well all my cousins need to be there and they should have +1’s and I’m like, your family is huge! And he’s like, that’s how my family does weddings, it’s an affair. Thank goodness my family is small, but still! Once I add up all the $’s I think he’ll have a change of heart haha!

Post # 9
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@InATizzy:  Can you speak to your FI and tell him how you feel.  Plus, if you already have a limit on the number of guests, you can tell your FILs that and how you want to keep it intimate for close friends and family.  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@InATizzy:  double post

Post # 11
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

That’s really skeezy of her! At this point, I think you FI and you should sit down with her, show a united front, and flat out say “no.” I’d include that her constantly bringing it up is making you both sad and that you really want this to be a happy process. Good luck OP!

Post # 12
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Crap.  You need a quick scripted response for the two of you since you are already on the same page.

‘We understand you’d love to invite all your friends.  Unfortunately, we want a small wedding and want to keep it to people who are special to US.  We appreciate your understanding and respect for our decision.’

As soon as you open yourself up for the conversation of ‘we could, we want, we would, it should, you should, what about…, how about.., do you think it would be possible if..’ you are sunk trying to dig out of it. 

As I tell my SO ‘DO NOT ENGAGE!’ don’t even get into the conversation and tell him the same.  Repeat your mantra and stay true to yourselves. 

 

Post # 13
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Hah this just happened to me a couple weeks ago. We asked them a month earlier who they wanted us to invite they gave us a kind of brush off answer about of just family and of course this one other couple they are very close to. We were really excited that the intimate feel for the wedding would be possible without offense! Fast forward to when I am actually collecting addresses, and suddenly my guest list almost doubles….this doesn’t cause a problem with our venue and I doubt most of them will come so I figUred it wasn’t worth marking waves over. I think for their generation it’s a pride thing. They were invited to weddings by all these people and now they want to do the same when their son is getting married. If it really upsets you though I think you better talk to her. Explain you wanted an intimate feel and you already have numbers to the venue? Just be prepared that she might feel hurt.

Post # 15
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We had the same issue with my future FIL. He also said he wanted to ”help out”. We later found out that means ”have some control/say in the wedding” He also wanted to invite his friends many whom my SO has never even met. My future FIL lost his wife 7 years ago and has lost touch with many if these people and wanted to rekindle a friendship with them again.

I was pretty choked about all of this. We know that we can handle paying for this wedding on our own. I asked him to tell his Dad we don’t need YOUR MONEY. That gives us full control of OUR wedding!! 

told him he needed to his Dad, this is a wedding….our wedding. If you want to organize a family reunion we would be happy to help you with that, but this is a wedding is NOT a reunion. 

I was letting people make decisions for me and tell us what to do in the early stages. I plan on getting married once, that’s our day …and nobody’s going to TELL me who’s comming to our wedding! 

 

I say stand your ground! Hope this helps. Happy planning 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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