Post # 1
We are trying to keep our guest list right around 100. My parents are paying for the majority of the wedding, so I am keeping everything under budget. So my parents and I come up with a number we would like to say around for the guest list. I sat down with both of my parents and did our list of guest. My FMIL emails me this list of 50 people…NONE ARE FAMILY…NONE FI or I even know! She is throwing a huge fit that we MUST invite them!!! I had to cut some of my friends off the guest list to accomodate hers…
I wanna cry….
Post # 3
If she’s not paying, she has no say. Tell her this, repeatedly. You and FH have decided who to invite, and you do not want her friends there because you’re keeping it small.
Post # 4
He needs to talk to his mother and tell her that it’s not her wedding. If she wants to throw a party for all her friends, she’s allowed to, but if you’re paying and you’re getting married, her guests do not take precedence over yours or your budget.
Post # 5
If it was me, my friend would have stayed on the list and her person wouldn’t have been invited. Especially since your parents are paying for it and she is not contributing anything. And you don’t even know these people, what a shame. You will make it through the guest list drama, we all have. Good luck
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2011 - Blossom Heath
I think that you should remind her that you are trying to keep the wedding small and initimate and while you are willing to accomodate some of the people on her list all of them won’t be able to attend the event because you and the Hubby still do have friends (and family in your case) that you are closer to and would like to attend. After that give her a number and stick with it.
Post # 7
Don’t cut your friends off the list. We overinvited on purpose because we know that not everybody is going to come and if more people that we actually expect to come actually do RSVP then we will make sure to make room. Does your venue only have room for around 100 people? If it has room for more then just think about the fact that that is over 100 people that love you or care enough to want to set aside time to spend this day with you. Also, if you are determined to not allow the extra 50 then think about asking your parents to cut that in half and add 25 instead.
Post # 8
Yeah if she’s not helping out with the bills, she’s got no say. Have your FH talk to her about this. Tell her he’s happy that she cares enough to invite a lot of her people but you two have limited budget and she can only invite x amount.
Post # 9
Whoever is paying really gets most of the say, but the order should go family-bride and groom friends-parents’ friends. In my opinion at least. Since your parents are paying, they would be allowed to ask you to cut your friends to accommodate their friends, but beyond that, FMIL doesn’t get any say if she doesn’t pay!
What I would suggest is telling her she has x spots and leave it up to HER to decide who comes and who doesn’t.. that way you don’t get the blame for 2nd cousin Tommy not being invited. She can invite the 20 MOST important people in her life – and that decision is up to her.
Post # 10
give her a number. if she won’t cut it down, tell her you will for her indiscriminately. that should get her motivated!
Post # 11
Before you cut people off your list, why don’t you try discussing it with her? Are you sure she said “These 50 people MUST ALL be invited?”
Alternatively, if you are paying, do what Statutory Grape is advising. Call her back and say, “I’m sorry, but we only have space for 30 of your guests. Could you please revise your list?” And keep saying it. If she refuses, get FI to call her back and say, “It’s 30 or it’s none, Mom.”
Post # 12
Is she aware that you have a set budget and it does not include over 100 guests? Either way, your FI needs to convey this to her in a tactful way.
Post # 13
Have your FH tell her the per head cost of each person above her allotment of guests so she can pay for the people that she wants to come.