(Closed) Guest List Issues- VENT and advice please! (long)

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What is the best option for this situation?
    Stick to your guns and don't allow any 2nd cousins : (13 votes)
    37 %
    Allow great-aunt to bring 1 of her children as a "+1" so she doesn't travel alone : (20 votes)
    57 %
    Give in to my mother's family and invite her 2 cousins only : (2 votes)
    6 %
    Give in to both sides and give them X amount of invites for 2nd cousins : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I would just be completely honest with his mother – the guest list is already too large, and you had to make necessary cuts on BOTH sides of the family, and leave it at that. It is none of her business how the money gets spent, and it might be a good idea to nicely remind her that your parents are paying, and you have to keep numbers down for the budget’s sake

    Post # 4
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    Wait? So you are or arent inviting the daughters and their husbands? If you arent, then forget about it. People can talk about what they want and it doesnt affect the end product. 

    Being fair doesnt always mean even. The same people are being invited on both sides in terms of relationship to the married couple. If one side happens to have more, then so be it.

    If you are inviting them, then I do think its unfair. I know they are paying, but its a wedding for you and your fiance. Not for your parents.

    Post # 6
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    First – are you paying for the wedding or are your parents paying?  If you are paying, then you should call up Grandma (just skip mom) and explain that you simply cannot afford to invite entire extended family and you only invited Great Aunt b/c she and Grandma can hang out at the wedding.  Then call one of Great Aunt’s kids (assuming you at least know them) and explain the same thing. AFTER that, talk to Mom and FMIL and stick to your guns about the guest list.

    I have the same problem with FI’s family.  I found that when I spoke directly to the “offended” relative (whom I don’t know well), they were very understanding once they heard it from me….I think things tend to get blown up by the moms……

    Also….I did end the conversation with “offended relative” with “And I can’t wait to join you and Johnny for dinner the next time we are in town!”  Makes ’em feel important 🙂

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    1988 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would stick by the no second cousins but I would give Great Aunt a plus one so she can have a travel buddy- if that plus one happens to be one of her daughters I see no problem. 

    Just explain that you don’t want a huge wedding and if you invite some second cousins you have to invite all of them.  Yes- some people will still not be happy with this decision but they can get over it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    This is hard because I have always believed that you cannot cut family.  Despite how much you talk to them or where they live, they know about the wedding and it just doesn’t seem right to not invite family.  Ask yourself this – did they invite your family to their weddings?  If not, then don’t include them.  If they did, you should probably add them to your guest list.

    Post # 9
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If your parents are paying, I think they get some say, and you should invite your 2 cousins from your mom’s side. While you may not be able to open your wedding up to all, I think in this instance it sounds fair.

    Post # 12
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    What a tough situation to be in…  I voted that the aunt should get a plus one of her choice- 71 is kinda old to be travelling alone IMHO…  but I think you all have to hold the line for the other additions if you are paying for everything yourself…. Best of luck!

    Post # 13
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    The day my mom plays that “I’M PAYING FOR THE WEDDING” card with me will be the day I go to the courthouse.

    If for some reason Great-Aunt will need assistance traveling I would allow her a plus 1.  To me if you start inviting 2nd cousins on your side you have to on FI side as well.  Chances are since FI cousins live far away and don’t even know him they probably won’t attend but if you offer one side you got to offer the other.

    The topic ‘Guest List Issues- VENT and advice please! (long)’ is closed to new replies.

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