- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
So FI and I both have very large families, and made some decisions early on in the planning process to extend invites out only as far as our first cousins, to keep the guest list to a manageable ~150 (Still bigger than either of us really want, but pretty much as good as we can get without eloping).
Fast forward to now and our STD just went out a couple weeks ago. Well some of my mother’s family must have talked amongst ourselves, and my great-aunt (who is invited as she and my mother are close) must have realized that her children (my mom’s cousins) did NOT get STD’s. So great-aunt calls my grandma, who calls making a big stink to my mom about why these people need to get invited, in particular the 2 daughters (and maybe their husbands?). EDIT: Also, great-aunt is 71 and lives 10hrs away, so family feels like she needs someone to help her get to the wedding.
When I first heard about this, I explained to my mom how it wasn’t personal, but I didn’t really think we could make any exceptions without creating other problems. My dad agrees with me and mom seems to back off. But grandmother still harassing my mom, and my mom vents to FMIL about it in passing (they are friendly and talk on the phone semi-regularly)
I eventually hear it from FI that he talked to his mom about it and she thinks it’s not fair that we are even discussing this because we told her early on that we were not inviting 2nd cousins. Issue is that FI’s mother has ~30 cousins that live very far away, and FI does not know them at all.
Now I’m stuck in the middle. At least my mom’s cousins I know I have seen them within the past couple years. My parents also pointed out that they are paying, and there is no where that says that they have to ask FMIL’s permission, or invite perfectly evenly on both sides. In reality FI’s side already is a bit larger than mine, so my parents think that since they are paying they should be able to invite who they want.
I can see it both ways, I understand my parent’s view, and hers as well. I have been trying to be courteous to his family the whole time, but now I also feel like my “fairness” has given his mother a sense of entitlement with this issue that she really doesn’t deserve. FI is also no help on this subject, I tried asking about it last night and he just wants to “ask his mom.” I think this is our decision, it involves my family, we shouldn’t have to ask his mom for permission!
Any insight bees? I am talking myself in and out of circles with this, and feel like I look like a jerk to someone either way!