Post # 1
Okay, our guest list is now around 200 people, some of whom may not come (most of which on my side I can already pick out), but when our goal is to have 150 at the actual wedding, how do I broach the topic with my FI about cutting his part of the guest list?
I’ve narrowed mine to only people I communicate with regularly (and especially in the past year). He has people he hasn’t even chatted with since high school on his part of the list.
I know they’re probably unlikely to show up if that’s their relationship, but it seems like a risky waste to spend the money on postage for people he’s not even close with anymore.
To add to the trouble of the discussion, I’m currently living 450 miles away from him. Should I wait until we can sit down together with the list, or go ahead and talk about it with a copy in front of each of us? Should I think of some "ground rules" to determine cuts? (Have to have spoken to through some medium in the past six months?)
We’re approaching the point where I’ll be assembling and addressing invitations, so I’d like to get the final list nailed down ASAP to give myself a month and a half or so to get it all done.
Post # 3
Guest list is always a touchy subject. FI and I tend to just jump in and hash things out, although that may not be your style. It sounds like you have some ideas of what would be reasonable ground rules – probably the rules that you applied when you put together your side of the guest list. I would make sure that you did apply them, and then get together on the phone. You could start by talking about how the list is really getting big, how you would like it to be smaller, and then introduce some of your ideas about who should be on the list (immediate family, aunts/uncles, people you currently see socially more than X many times per year…) Maybe divide the list into must haves and would be nice to have, and see what you get. We did our list as must have only, and then actually discussed every category of addition after (friends of the kids? parents of friends of the kids? people from work? people we really, really like but never get around to seeing socially?). It actually worked out pretty smoothly after the first few discussions. They say (whoever they are) that 15 to 20% of your guest list will RSVP negative, but the 50 you would like as no shows is more than that…