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posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Who is paying for the wedding?  If you’re paying for it yourselves, just have FI tell his parents directly that the venue and your budget can only accommodate a certain number of people.  If they’re paying, then they get a say.

Post # 4
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@turtlecat:  Shut it down and elope.  Otherwise, you need to start thinking about his fmaily becoming your family.  It can’t be a numbers game unless it’s negatively impacting your budget.  If you and your FI are paying then you absolutely get a say in where to draw the line and your FI needs to back you up on it; this is the first important test of your marriage.  If your FMIL is paying then you are stuck unless you cut the checkbook strings and pay for it yourself.

Post # 5
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

set a budget, a number of people and stick to it.

don’t feel bad about lobsided weddings.  my mom is paying for our wedding.  FI’s side is 85 people invited, my is invited 52.  his side is going to far outweigh my side but i am not too concerned.  i am going to have FUN!!!! 

Post # 6
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@turtlecat:  typically, the person or persons funding the wedding will have the say as to who will be invited.  the amount of contribution is a good indication of the say they have. 

i would first find out how much your inlaws are going to contribute.  this is a huge error that i have seen over and over again on the bee.  the couple are expecting a considerable contribution and get $500, meanwhile, the parents have already added 50 more of their family and friends to your wedding.

do not feel upset about the uneven sides.  the family of my dh is all out of the country.  he had his mom, his dad and his sister.  he did invite the rest of the family knowing that they would decline but still wanted to extend an invite.  that is all you can do.

just enjoy the planning process and do not get caught up in too many details. 

welcome to the hive.

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