Post # 1
Everytime I even LOOK at my guest list, I feel horrible anxiety coming. The problem isn’t the number of people, it’s the people on it. Who gets invited to what wedding events (shower, rehearsal, etc). Who gets invited to the bridal shower? I’m having an evening cocktail party/shower, so is there an age limit cut off? Do I invite my fiance’s cousins whom I’ve never met? I wanted an “adult only” reception, but our compromise was children of immediate family only will be invited. Is it tacky to write “adult preferred” on the invitation?
I know it’s my wedding and I should be doing what I want, but I find myself ready to just buy plane tickets and elope! My fiance’ has a couple of family members who I do not want to invite because they’re talking trash about me…and, while I know I should be the bigger person and invite them anyway, I don’t want anyone there who isn’t going to be happy for us.
I’m so upset over the stupid guest list and stupid people that planning this party hasn’t been very much fun, which is very saddening!
Any advice would be appreciated!
Post # 3
Well you seem to have several issues surrounding the guest list so no wonder you are stressed! I’ll try to address each of them as best I can….
Who to invite to which events? I invited my close female friends, relatives, and soon to be relatives to the shower. I didn’t just invite ALL the female guests. I tried to imagine myself in their shoes and if they’d be comfortable coming to the shower or if they’d just prefer to come to the wedding with their husbands or significant others.
No age limit cut off, young and old should be welcome BUT since you should ONLY invite the children (and people with children) that you are inviting to the wedding also. It should specify WHO is actually invited on the invitation. If you are planning on having a bachelorette party too (or after the evening cocktail party) you could invite just your core friends. I also invited my FI’s sister because I want to get to know her better, but there’s no obligation IMO to invite family to a bachelorette.
No I would not invite people to the shower whom I had never met. It falls in line with would THEY be comfortable attending an event without the context of someone they know (their husb/your FI/other family).
I think it would be tacky to write “adult preferred” or “no kids” on the invitation in any way. If you only want to invite Mr. and Mrs. Three Bears and not baby bear, then don’t address it to the Bear Family. They should get the hint and get a sitter. If they happen to write in a +1 then you can deal with that on a case by case basis. Contact them directly and explain that you are trying to keep it an adult only event outside of immediate family.
And lastly, what do you mean a couple of his family members are talking trash about you? About the relationship? Or about you personally? Has he stood up for you? Is it something that can be worked out before the wedding? If they really have ill will towards you, then they probably wont come whether you invite them or not. I personally would not want to be the one to burn a bridge at least when it comes to family. If they want to be childish, then that’s on them.
Post # 4
@RiverBride13: first of all, you are hilarious! i love the Three Bears reference. Thanks for the advice. As far as smack talking, to make a long story short and to answer ur questions: yes, yes, yes, and unkn at this time. It’s his family, so I’ve kept my mouth shut, bc the things I have to say are far from nice, especially since I’ve literally done nothing that warrants any of this. I am, however, very close to my limit as far as keeping quiet. I have no problem never speaking to them again, but since it’s his family, those bridges aren’t for me to burn…though I don’t think I should have to put up with it. I feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
And “childish” doesn’t even come close…but it’s a good start…
Post # 5
@Sophiekins17: Well I’d definitely deal with the family drama before you draft up your guest list. Talk to your FI and let him know how much it’s bothering you. At the end of the day, you don’t want any awkward tension at your wedding. If that means certain people aren’t invited, then so be it. (And the Three Bears was the first thing that came to mind)
Post # 6
Who gets invited to the bridal shower? My wedding was smaller so it ended up being most the women on my guest list. But if there are people you have to invite to your wedding that your not close with then no, i would not invite them to your shower. A shower should be more personal for close friends and family only.
I’m having an evening cocktail party/shower, so is there an age limit cut off? I don’t think so. Same as before, close women only.
Do I invite my fiance’s cousins whom I’ve never met? NO!
I wanted an “adult only” reception, but our compromise was children of immediate family only will be invited. Is it tacky to write “adult preferred” on the invitation? Eh.. not sure the wording. I think when it comes to kids it should be all or nothing. I think it bugs guests more if they weren’t allowed to bring their kids but see other kids running around. I had adults only with the exception of my flower girl.
And do NOT invite people who talk trash about you. They should know exactly why they didn’t receive and invite.
Post # 7
First of all. talk to your FI about your anxieties and worries. Have a conversation about which guests are important to the two of you as a couple. This is your union of marriage and your party. As you said – don’t have anyone there who isn’t going to be happy for you. Also, don’t invite anyone you or your FI will be uncomfortable around. Awkward is one thing, but uncomfortable is a whole other story. Your FI should be understanding of not wanting people there who talk trash about you, and he/she should defend you and back you up agaist these people.
The tricky part is your respectively friends and family. You have to cap it somewhere. Think hard – who can’t you imagine your bridal shower without? Invite them. Who can’t you imagine your rehearsal without? Invite them. And so on. This applies to the ceremony and the reception as well. It doesn’t need to be the same people at each of these events. Go with your heart and gut instinct.
And IMO, it’s OK have an adult only reception with exceptions for immediate family, but you have to word it carefully. This is a sensitive subject for parents. Write “adult reception to follow” on the invitation, people will hopefully take the hint. Also, adress the invitation to “Mr and Mrs So-and-so” and not “and family”.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the great advice Bees! The whole situation is stressful for him too. he says invite them and if they come, great…if not, that’s fine too. I guess I’m at the point where flippin the ol’ bird is my form of being civil. I’ll sleep on it for a couple days and hopefully this gets a lil easier.
Thanks again all!