Post # 1
My fiancé and I sat down (finally) and though we had finalized our guestlist.
With roughly 112 people I was actually under the impression that we did pretty good at keeping the list limited.
Since the wedding is on fourth of July weekend of this year (ignore my posted wedding date.. It changed and I forgot to fix it on here) we figured a chuck of the people won’t come anyway.. For a smaller wedding that’s a good thing in my opinion! Plus we are on a tight budget!
Well, my mother and grandmother have apparently been discussing my wedding without me and told me today that they think feeding that many people is going to be too expensive and want to look at my list and cut people off of it.. I come from a larger family and can’t take any of them off the list, of course FI doesn’t want to take any of his family and friends off the list and the only other option is to cut invited friends from work (only 21 people, half of which I’m positive wont come anyway). The problem here is that we already went through the trouble of getting their addresses and talking with them about the wedding.. I would feel SO rude if I just went to work tomorrow and told them “yeah sorry, you can’t come..” How much difference is 21 people gonna make anyway?!
They say fifty people is more reasonable but I’ve never thought of having a wedding that small.. I have too many important people I want to share my day with!
Its also extra frustrating since my grandmother went ahead a few weeks ago and added 10 people to my list who I don’t really even know or want at my wedding!
I feel like part of this is because my sister got married about 3 years ago and her wedding had 15-20 people tops because she wanted a very small intimate wedding.. Well, they need to understand that I’m not my sister!
I don’t know what to do. I needed to vent my frustrations and ask you Bees for advice I guess. Thanks for listening to my silly worries. I’m just stressed with five months to plan.
Post # 3
Do they know about 10 – 20% will RSVP no?
We invited about 160 and ended up with 120. Of course that was in the winter, 1 month after Christmas when no one wants to travel.
I would tell your grandma that if she wants to cut down, those 10 people she added would be the first to go. Maybe even compromise that you can lose the work crowd if she cuts out the random people? That would cut you down to around 80.
Post # 4
@AlwaysSunny: I had no idea I posted this twice so I almost did even catch your reply!
You’re right, that would be a good compromise but I would feel so rude to uninvite people who already got a verbal invite..
Post # 5
@KaitKitten: I totally understand, that would be awkward.
Still, maybe she’s thinking of her 10 friends as indespensible while she could easily cut your coworkers. She’ll probably say no to cutting her friends and this compromise could force her to put her money where her mouth is so to speak.
Post # 6
How many people can you afford to invite? Because you may get 100% attendance. Each wedding is different and you can not and should not rely on the numbers that another bride iwth different guests in a different place had RSVP.
Invite the number of people you can afford to feed.
Post # 7
Are you and your fiance paying for the wedding, if so, I don’t really see why the number of guests is such an issue to your mother and grandmother. If they are paying, then you may have to compromise- or you could pay for the difference if you want everyone there.
Or, could you find a cheaper venue/caterer- are there other parts of the budget you could cut?
Post # 8
It depends on who is paying. Also, there are other ways to cut catering costs besides cutting the list… we hosted a lunch reception instead of dinner and it was much less expensive. I believe a brunch reception is less expensive as well, and there’s always the option to have the wedding & reception at a non-meal time and host appetizers instead.
Post # 9
My sister did a brunch reception and everyone was free to go at 3pm – if you are doing this 4th of July weekend (holiday weekends are usually no-nos) then your guests will still be able to enjoy the holiday by going to fire-works shows or whatever else they do traditionally.
Post # 10
I agree that you can’t cut people whom you’ve already told are invited. At this point I’d just try to keep the per person food costs down.
Post # 11
It’s the Sunday of fourth of July weekend so it really shouldn’t be an issue.
My family said they would help me as much as they can but I’m paying for the bulk of everything..
Post # 12
Also, we are having a backyard farm wedding at my parents, where 100 people will easily fit and we aren’t doing any actually catering, we figured since it was already a cookout holiday weekend we’d just keep with the cookout theme with hamburgers, kabasi, etc.
I realize cooking all the food ourselves makes it a little more difficult but it’s pretty inexpensive and easy to buy bulk burger patties and what not.
Post # 13
I’m not seeing the issue, to be honest. ETA: I’m assuming that you are paying the majority of costs for the wedding.
If grandma insists on cutting people, say the people you don’t know are the first to go from the guest list.
Post # 14
Honestly as you are paying for the majority of the wedding, this should be a non-issue. On a holiday weekend I would also imagine you will probably get a lower response rate and you are right it would definitely be rude to uninvite people you have verbally invited. I would just act like this discussion never happened and go on with your intended guest list. If they bring it up again just nod and smile and say that you’ll take their concerns into consideration.