- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
My FI and I are paying for our wedding completely by ourselves. We’ve been told by both my parents and his that they of course will give us money, however, its assumed that this will be as a gift and much closer to the wedding. They haven’t said “oh let me pay for this” or specifically that they want to cover costs aside from giving us a gift.
That said, our venue will fit about 150 guests and we are aiming to keep it closer to 135 for comfort and budget reasons (this count does not include the wedding party, that is separate).
I asked my parents if there were people they would particularly like to have invited and they told me it was my wedding and I should invite who I wanted to be there (agreed!). I invited 3 couples that are long-time family friends and they were pleased to hear that I had included them.
We asked my FI’s parents for a list of people they would like to see invited (as a courtesy) and made a guest list up while we waited. We didn’t really receive any response. We assumed what family members needed to be there based on whom we have both met and who we knew were close. My FI has a very small immediate family, so we included a lot of extended family on his side who regularly attend holidays, birthdays, and other family gatherings.
Just last week we asked for the addresses for the people we didnt have addresses for and were bombarded with lists saying “Hey- you forgot all these people!”. My FI’s mother gave us a list of 24 more people we had “forgotten”! Most of these people were her extended family (HER cousins and HER aunts and uncles) and her personal friends. My FI had never even HEARD the names of some people and had not met or remembers meeting most of them. I have never met any of them.
We are already over the amount we wanted to invite by 25 and with these additions we are far beyond. We have already cut our own friends and some of my family members to try to reduce numbers. I think this is incredibly unfair to us and I’m not sure how to handle the situation.
I had my FI send our current guest list to his mother asking her to separate her section into “must haves” and a “b list”, but instead she came back saying no changes and added another 10 people she wants invited if we have room.
Are you kidding me?
How do I politely tell her no way? I am not cutting my own family members (aunts and cousins) and friends so that she can invite HER cousins and aunts and coworkers.
She mentioned paying for their heads but I just feel that’s weird and rude. If you’re going to give us money, shouldn’t it be for us and not specifically for people you know to party with? It’s not like we left out family members and we even included numerous family friends for her…
I don’t want bad blood, but I can’t afford this and its very upsetting! I want to know the people at my wedding and WANT them to be there!
What do you guys suggest?