- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
My first post! I’ll try to keep it short 🙂
FI and I are putting together the first draft of our guest list and had input from both of our parents. I have always envisioned a small wedding, inviting 250 at the most. First draft of the whole list is 320 people; a number that huge makes me ill. FI is from a very large family, the youngest child in his family but the first to get married. My future mother in law is sooo excited. So excited that she wants to invite everyone she has ever met to her baby boy’s wedding so she can (her exact words) “show us off to everyone!!” Neither of us are comfortable being the center of attention…
We each made our lists then asked our parents who they would consider inviting to our wedding and explained to them breaking down the list into who we must invite, who we would love to invite and who we will invite if there’s room. My parents gave a list of 26 people, all of whom I know, have known for a long time and assumed would be on the list. His mother gave a list of 86… all on the must invite list. The list includes 30 of her aunts and uncles, 17 of their neighbors, and 39 of their friends. WHAT!?
A few days later she called to say 10 or so of her aunts and uncles probably wouldn’t be able to make it because of the cold (January wedding in MN) and it would be later in the day so that will help keep the number down, but it would be so nice for her mom if they were all there… I offered that even though it breaks etiquette we could maybe have a much more informal gathering in the summer where great aunts and uncles (and the 17 neighbors and 39 friends) could gather in a more convenient time and place and she could “show us off to everyone” then. She did not like that idea. I do not like the idea of 86 people being invited to my wedding that I don’t know at all and FI doesn’t know very well. He and I are going over the guest list and cut it ourselves, we’re just worried about how she will receive the “new and improved guest list”. She is very passive aggressive and does not let things go easily. She’s also a very nice woman and is super excited that I’m going to be her daughter-in-law.
It’s not a money issue; if we had all the money and space in the world I still would not want a big huge wedding. We want to spend our wedding day with the people who are nearest and dearest to us, not everyone she wants to show us off to.
Help? How do we break this to her gently and try to minimize any hurt feelings? What other possible alternatives could we suggest to her?