Post # 1
Is it customary for parents to include their friends on their soon-to-be-married children’s guest list?
I have an enormous family and a lot of friends and my mother thinks I need to save some spots for her and my dad to invite people that they are friendly with who have known me a while. My dad says, “don’t feel like you have to invite anyone you really don’t want there.”
Also, about plus ones… most definitely or not necessary?
Thanks so much for any advice!
Post # 3
The largest chunk of my guest list went to my mother’s friends. My father (they are divorced) also had a table of his friends/colleagues.
ETA: I think every adult invited to a wedding should have a plus one, so they have someone to travel with & dance with.
Post # 4
@lillebowski23: I think it comes down to who is paying. If your mother is paying, she sort of gets to pick who is invited. If you’re paying, you put your foot down and say, this is the guest list.
To me, I only want to do plus one’s if they’re married, engaged, or in a serious cohabitating relationship. Like no “+ Guest.” I need to know the name and who they are! but I am also wanting to keep things small.
Post # 5
I allowed my parents a pretty large chunk of the guest list for their friends.
As for +1s, I’d recommend having a system for who gets one and who doesn’t, and then stick to it. For example, you should give +1s to people who are married, engaged or living together and/or in long-term relationships. Aside from that, you can decide what works best for you and your guest list.
ETA: We invited 300+ people so we had more room to add my parents’ friends, etc.
Post # 6
We are inviting a few “family friends” but I’m not inviting friends of my mom’s or dad’s that we don’t know. For example, two of the people on our guest list I personally have known for years. One I’ve known since I was born, the other for a few years but she comes to our family holidays and my sister and I know her. They are invited. Another one of my mom’s friends knew me when I was little but I haven’t spoken to her in about a decade. She is not invited. That’s how I’d make the distinction.
Post # 7
I don’t know what’s customary… I imagine if the family is paying they may have some input on who to invite. Personally, I would never invite friends of my parents. We only have 60 guests and they are going to be people very close to us. We are paying for everything.
Post # 8
I am in the process of “finalizing” (I do anticipate a few additions and deletions) and the only people who will get “& Guest” invites are single friends who are coming from out of town. If they make the effort to come here, I want them to have a good weekend and god knows beyond the reception and brunch the day after, i won’t have time to spend with them. Also, they won’t know anyone at the reception. Our single friends will be invited by themselves, which they should have no issue with as most of their friends will be there already. I don’t feel the need to feed and water complete strangers, and we are striving to have a rather intimate affair.
Post # 9
I’m frustrated with the “parents friends” issue as well – my in-laws are upset we’ve only alloted them 10 spots, but we can’t go over that. Additionally, my parents , at their wedding, werent able to invite most of their friends, as it was my grandparents’ friends, so they dont want ANY of their friends invited. I’m holding my ground though, and everyone seems (so far) respectful of that.
Post # 10
i gave my inlaws ten people (5 couples not including family). my parents didnt need any non-family guests since their friends wouldnt fly in from england to mexico (but they had the option)
if the inlaws want anymore then they would need to contribute a little to the cost…since the budget is completely stretched
Post # 11
Back when I was young and stupid, I almost eloped with my fiancee at the time. His parents (who we had a pretty rocky relationship with) caught wind of it, and his mother would have none of it. So she set to work planning a wedding for us in his hometown. Their budget allowed 65 guests total, and she verbally invited 47 of their friends. subtract immediate family and wedding party, that left me with 9 guests! For my own damn wedding!
Needless to say, i called the whole thing off.
I’m much older and wiser now and we are paying for everything ourselves (though my mother is buying my bridal attire, which is no small chunk of change) so there is not a single guest on our list that we don’t know or that we don’t want there. It’s wonderful. I have, as a courtesty, asked my mom to provide me a list of names to invite, but she lives on the other side of the country and I don’t know anyone where she lives, so the likelihood of them coming is nil. My FMIL is in her 70s, and pretty much anyone she’d want there will be invited anyhow.
We are planning to visit my mom the week after the wedding so she can host a luncheon for us, and we can have a bit of a vacation. That was my idea, and my way of helping her celebrate our wedding with the people she cares about.
Post # 12
My FI’s parents have friends on the guest list. Partially because FI is friends with their friends (I don’t understand this, but its clear that he’s inviting them not them). His mom has one guest. My parents don’t have any friends. My dad insisted on my step grandfather’s kids and adult grandkids being invited, so those are kind of his guests. I didn’t want to invite them because I have 3 remarried grandparents and you have to draw the line somewhere (I have no idea how many kids and grandkids there are between them, but I’m sure its at least 30).
Post # 13
My MIL is complaining because I ONLY gave her 73 spots and didn’t get to invite more friends (his parents are having 34 friends, more than my parents friends and family combined)
Post # 14
We had friends of our parents – but our parents were paying for our wedding. They were mostly people that I considered extra “aunts” and “uncles” although there were some people that I didn’t know well. We did give everyone a plus one. I did put my foot down at the idea of my mom inviting her boss just because – I hardly know the woman!
Post # 15
I’m only planning on inviting 2 of my parents’ friends (1 couple) and their 3 kids. But I’ve known them since I was a baby and I grew up calling them aunt and uncle, so it’s not really the typical “parents’ friends” situation.
I think wedding guests should be people who have been important in the bride’s life, people who have been important in the groom’s life, or people who have been important in their lives together as a couple. Parents’ friends typically don’t fall into those categories.
That being said, if your parents are paying for the wedding, I think they should get a say in who is invited.
Post # 16
Plus ones are not obligatory. I provided plus ones to people who I felt I should provide plus ones for or if I knew their date. Fi’s friend who wants to bring one of his many bootycalls gets no plus one. My friend who is married does.