(Closed) Guest list trouble

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do I need to invite all my cousins?
    No, don't invite the cousins you don't want there : (59 votes)
    91 %
    Yes, invite everyone : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Yes, invite everyone but don't send your cousins the save the dates : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I can totally relate to this problem. Right now we only have a budget for about 75 guests but my family alone (with all cousins included) is 100 persons. That does not include my FI’s family. So I want to invite the cousins I’m closest with and the ones who actually live in the country in which I’m getting married, but my dad says I cant invite this cousin without inviting her sister and brother etc especially since I was invited and went to their weddings…. But its like this I cant invited everyone so I have to cut out persons. I will just try my best to explain that I cant afford to invite everyone. So my advice to you I guess would be to do the same thing. Invite the ones you want to come, dont invite the ones you dont want (especially that jerk of a cousin who stole from you). I hope it works out cuz I havent started cutting people yet but what has to be done has to be done. Good luck.

    Post # 4
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I voted no because he’s a douche.

    Also, you should try to cut your list down more–I’m sure you don’t want to, but what are you going to do if all 140 people RSVP yes?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1925 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    No, you absolutely don’t need to invite cousins who stole money from you!  That’s insane!  Just because they’re blood related doesn’t mean you need a relationship with them!  I’m not inviting 2 of my cousins because 1) I haven’t actually seen them in 5 years, and 2) they caused TONS of drama at my cousin’s wedding and I want the day to be about me, not my cousin trying to have a 3-sum with his wife and a bridesmaid or my cousin having a huge fight in the middle of the reception with her husband!

    Invite who you want.  If people are offended, oh well.  Maybe they shouldn’t have stolen from you if they wanted an invite!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

    Oooo. Yeah if your list is 140 including cousins but you can only have 100… Don’t invite the cousins! You’d have to bank on at least 40 people saying no, and that’s about a third of your guest list. That could happen, but what if you end up with 110 people saying they want to come?

    I would say don’t send your cousins STD, and maybe talk over with a close family member. If the family member thinks there will be a lot of bad blood by inviting some and not all, you may have to cut them out 🙁 If they think it will be ok, invite who supports you and who you want to celebrate with, and not the ones you feel “obligated” to invite. (I mean seriously, he stole from you? Why would he ever expect an invitation? And if you do invite him, HIRE SECURITY to watch your cards/presents)

    Post # 8
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @jbarker09:  Ahhhh gotcha. We’re running into a similar situation, although no one has invited anyone else, thankfully.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Don’t invite the people you don’t want there.  Also, if your budget only allows for 100 don’t invite more than 100.  If everyone RSVPs yes and you invite 100 — you’re set.  If everyone RSVPs yes and you invite 140 — you’re screwed.  Don’t max out your budget to please people.  Def don’t invite the cousin that stole from you.  I’d cut the list down and weddings aren’t tit for that either.  If you aren’t invited to a cousin’s wedding but you would like them at yours…invite them.  Don’t not invite them because you weren’t invited, yaknow?  Invite the people who would make your day better and subtract the ones that wouldn’t.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Also, just because your parents gave you a lot of money it’s crap that they’d take up such a huge portion of the guestlist.  >.< Maybe you should sit down with your fiance and his mom and discuss the budget.  Maybe she’ll give a little

    Post # 12
    Member
    539 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I agree mostly with the comments above, however, when you are “only inviting who you want to be there” I think there is a big difference between not inviting someone for a really good reason (e.g. Stealing money!!) and not inviting cousins who you just might not be as close with.  I think that it can be really tough with family, and I’d only not invite the thieves.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1832 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Invite who you want there and thats it!

    Post # 15
    Member
    4322 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @jbarker09:  I know that normally the people paying get to have say in the guestlist, but his mom needs to understand that family trumps friends. Scary or not, is there any way FI can be convinced to stand up to her on this? Can you afford it without her? Can you insist she pay for every friend of hers that pushes the number over 100 (after family invites)?

    Post # 16
    Member
    12816 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I personally believe that when it comes to family, you can’t invite a select few and ignore the others.  In my family, that’s predication for World War III. 

    I think your FI needs to sit down and talk to his mother about her extra 40 guests.  Maybe tell her that onc eyou get family responses back, you’d be willing to consider alloting her some extra for her friends, but that your family really needs to be invited over her friends.

    The topic ‘Guest list trouble’ is closed to new replies.

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