Post # 1
Ahh the guest, list, I knew it would be difficult but we are having a really hard time!
FI and I sat down a couple of weeks ago to start thinking about the guest list. We have a hard cap at our venue of 210, but really want to keep it under that because I don’t think it will be too comfortable if we are at max capacity.
My question is: does everyone over a certain age have to have a +1? I have many cousins (they are all over 21) and not all of them are in serious relationships and I didn’t know if I had to say they could bring a date or not? I have two cousins who are engaged and/or living with their significant other so I thought I would invite them. Is it bad if I let the two in serious relationships bring a date but not the others?
My mom is also adamant that I invite her neighbors (from the neighborhood I grew up in) and their older children (all over 18) so I am running into the same problem with them. I wish I could just invite everyone, but I really need to keep the numbers down.
I would really appreciate any advice! Thank you!!!!
Post # 3
For our family we are only giving +1s only to those in serious relationships, regardless of age. When people asked we just explained the situtation to them, and they were fine with it.
For our friends who aren’t in serious relationships we are giving +1s to those who don’t know any of our other wedding guests, so that they will have a least one person there that they know.
Post # 4
We’re giving +1s to everyone in the bridal party, everyone in a serious relationship (i.e. 1 yr + or living together) gets a +1 and all the engaged/married people get +1s.
Post # 5
We only did plus one’s for those in serious relationships as well, and also for guests who had to travel a distance to get there, and would also wouldn’t know anyone. It seemed unfair to invite somone, ask them to fly out for it, and not give them a travel buddy to hang out with.
We deemed “serious” relationships as those who were living together, engaged or had been dating a year or more. It wasn’t a set-in-stone rule or anything, and we looked at each couple individually. But we think we were really fair to everyone.
As far as your mom wanting to invite neighbors, I’ll ask if she’s paying for the wedding at all? If she’s contributing, you have to give her some leeway with the guest list, but it’s okay to also cap her guest limit (especially if you have venue limitations). If she’s not paying, her limit can be much smaller 🙂 But try to keep her as happy as possible.
Post # 6
i agree, serious relationships, you could decide what counts as serious. and then people that won’t know anyone else
Post # 7
I don’t know what proper etiquette dictates, I’ve never been one to cling to the rules! What we did, and what worked out really well for us (so far) is giving a plus one to anyone that is dating someone seriously, engaged or living with and obviously if they’re married. We also had to make some exceptions with people that don’t know anyone. I’d never expect a friend to come to my wedding alone and know only me, it’d be so awkward for them for most of the night! Not to mention that its out of town for them, so they’d be traveling alone and renting a hotel room solo- not fun. It really didn’t add too many people to the list and there have been minimal problems. I’d say, regarding your cousins or the neighbors children- no plus one. They’ll have people to socialize with, they’ll be fine.
Post # 8
Thank you for the great responses! I’m glad to hear that other people had the same idea about serious relationships as well, and guests who are traveling, etc.
@ Miss Chapstick my mom and dad are generously paying for our whole reception so I want to make sure I honor their guest requests as much as possible. I don’t mind inviting the neighbors but I really don’t have room to have all their children bring dates.
Post # 9
I did plus one’s for everyone over the age of 21, we aren’t inviting people younger than that besides those in our bridal party. If people are not dating anyone or in a serious relationship than they will probably opt to not bring a guests, but if you can it’s nice to make it their choice.
Post # 10
We did +1s for everyone in the bridal party and for people in serious relationships (married, engaged, living together, or dating long term – you can decide what equals long term for you). You don’t really want to pay for random people whom you’ve never met and will never see again to come to your wedding.
Post # 11
we did +1s for serious relationships
Post # 12
Well, I would not promise a plus one to anyone at this point. In the 14 months that we have been engaged we have had some long term couples break up and some people start dating a new person etc etc
Our basic rule is that someone gets a plus one if they are married to the person, are engaged or have been dating for awile (1 year or more).
The guest list has been really hard to maintain and control. Clearly outline your rules now, and remember that you will never please everyone!
Post # 13
Whatever you guys decide, DON’T tell anyone your rule, unless it seems necessary. It’s really nobody’s business what you guys decide, plus, like jaylii9 said, you’ll probably see a few breakups before you send out invites/finalize the list.
I’ve always been a fan of the dating for a year/engaged/married (obviously haha) guidelines. But, just like they say in Pirates of the Caribbean, they really are guidelines, not rules hehe… make sure you evaluate each couple and decide accordingly.
Post # 14
yeah im with the married, engaged, life partners (or uber serious) relationships boat.
people you barely know that want to bring their 5 closest friends? um yeah no.
youdont have to share your rule, just let them know you have room constraints and cannot accomidate extra people.
Post # 15
Oh, that was a challenge for us, too! Married was easy (although in one instance, I did not know that someone was married, and had to hastily issue a second invitation). Engaged was easy. “Serious relationship”? Not so easy. There was at least one instance in which we sent an invitation to X and Y, and X responded that she’d broken up with Y, but was bringing her new beau, Z. And another in which we invited A with his wife, B, only to discover that they were in a poly relationship and wanted to invite their other significant other, C.
So yeah, the rule is you invite spouses, fiance(e)s, and serious, long-term partners. However, that rule can be a bit hard to apply in some situations.
Post # 16
Thank you everyone for your great advice! I really appreciate it!