Post # 1
I’ve been engaged just about 2 months and my FI have decided to have a small wedding of 50 (including FI and myself). Our wedding isn’t until June 2015 but we have already written out a tentative guest list.
My Future Father In Law has 10 siblings! All of which are married with kids. My FI has many many cousins and we’ve only choosen to invite 3 of them (plus their guests). He isn’t inviting most of his Aunts and Uncles.
I only have 1 Aunt and 2 cousins. I am NOT CLOSE at all with my male cousin, I see him maybe twice a year and we have NOTHING in common. He’s not on the guest list. I have my female cousin and her husband on the list.
My Grandma (who raised me) won’t get off my back about not inviting my cousin! She says it’s not right that because he is family and that should outrank friends. I feel like this is really old fashioned. Every time the wedding comes up, she brings him up and then I remind her the my FI isn’t inviting most of his cousins either.
What’s the word bees? How do I respond to my Grandma? Has anyone been through this before?
I’m concerned that I won’t be able to respond properly to my very opinionated family….any advice would be awesome.
Post # 3
@Katrina117: I think it’s different since you only have 2 cousins. I would invite both of them–I’m sorry!
Post # 4
Well, it’s only one more guy (and presumably a date) so I’d just invite him. Avoid family drama and it’s a very small change to your guest list. He may not even come if you guys aren’t close.
Post # 5
“Grandma, we have already discussed this. I know you and I feel very differently about this, but our decision stands and it is a closed topic.”
EVERY time she brings it up, walk away, hang up, or leave – whatever is necessary. If you do it EVERY time, she will eventually stop.
Post # 6
@hermom: Thanks, I think setting boundaries is key in this case and I know this won’t be the last thing we have different ideas about 🙂
@BrandNewBride: Thanks for the input, don’t be sorry! I wanted other opinions 🙂
@Pinkmoon: You might be right about him not showing up, he is younger and spends most of his time partying and isn’t very reliable.
Post # 7
Girl, we had the same problem. I wanted a small wedding too (absolute maximum of 75), but when my FI finished adding people, we were up to 151! I freaked out for about a week over the cost and logistics of a doubled wedding guest list. But, being the awesome man he is, my FI helped me see that not everyone invited is going to come. In fact, on average, only half show up anyway. We would do far more damage by excluding someone close to us, than is worth saving the cost of the extra food and chairs.
That said, we still followed some rules for the final guest list:
1. Only invite people we feel close to or have had a major role in one of our lives.
2. Only aunts, uncles, parents, and grandparents. We also have a lot of cousins, so we decided not to invite any cousins unless they still live at home with our aunt/uncle.
We did make a few exceptions. I did invite some of my extended family at my mother’s request. Both of her parents and her only brother died within 6 years of each other. Her extended family is all she’s got aside from my dad, me, and my sister, so I definitely owed her that. Also, I decided to invited households instead of cherry picking people and leaving others out. To me it’s rude and confusing for your guests when they RSVP. Many will think the entire household is invited and then you’ll just be mad that they assumed.
It’s hard to let go of that guest list…I totally understand. It gave me actual headaches! But if you let yourself let go, you will be so much less stressed. And in the end, I’ve found that the actual cost isn’t going up by that much.
Now I say all of that, but if anything close to 151 “yes” RSVP ‘s come back to me in the next couple weeks, I may have a melt down 😉
Post # 8
@wvrunner: are you guys financially prepared to handle it if you get a very large number of people saying they will come?
When my first DD got married 8 1/2 years ago it was in the middle of Michigan Winter and we thought we would have a low decline rate. The girls on the knot really hammered home to expect 100% attendance and to be prepared to cover the expenses for that. We had a 96% attendance rate.
On the flip side, another of girls married on a gorgeous May Saturday and had only 65% attendance. Who knew?
Post # 9
@hermom: There’s going to be some “I told you so’s” directed at my FI if this happens lol 🙂 That was my concern too, but he said he would pay for the extra people if they showed up, and it was going to turn into a point of contention, so I yeilded. He seems to think it won’t be a huge extra cost. He can learn the hard way I guess. Luckily, my parents have gifted us a set amount of money to pay for everything, and we’ve budgeted to stay within this amount. The only thing we will have to pay for is the extra food and chairs if more people come than expected. Since we are getting an awesome deal on the catering, so there’s no chance of this putting us in the hole financially. The only way this would backfire on us is if it rains. It’s an outdoor venue, and we do have a tent rented, but there is a size restriction for the tent and that size will not fit 151 people under it (unless they are standing and huddled). But, hey, I’ll still end up married at the end of my wedding day, so not everything can go wrong 🙂
Post # 10
I really am not prepared to invite more than 48 people. If some people don’t show up then I will take the savings and have a smaller wedding. I’m getting seriously tempted to elope when my FI and I go to Beliza in March….
Thanks for the feedback bees! 🙂