Post # 1
My FMIL sent me her guest list last night. We had told her that, due to space and cost (our venue can only hold 150 and my parents are paying for food so I’m trying to be respectful to them), we are only inviting guests who are 13 years+ (his sister is 13 years old so that is our limit) and we are not inviting plus ones unless the couple is engaged/married/living together. Well, when I opened the guestlist I asked my FI who most of the people are. As he looked through, he realized that he didn’t even know almost 1/4 of the people and that at least 20 of the guests are under our age limit. He called his mom and told her again that we are not having children under 13 years old. He asked who some of the people are and found out that at least two of the extra guests are boyfriends of distant family friend’s children (meaning they are teenage boys).
FI told her that we are not including the children and she got huffy. She told him it is not polite to only include the parents instead of the whole family. She then went on to say we need to include their names and “they probably won’t come so it won’t matter in the end.”
My wedding is still quite a ways away. I was planning to let time pass and then, when I am writing the invitations, just excluding the children names from the inner envelope. However, FI & I realized we do not know the exact ages of some of the kids (if they are under 13 or not). So what is a polite way to ask her to go back through the list and delete the names of the children? She has already said she doesn’t want to but I plan to approach her again (politely) before the wedding.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Since you are in control of the invites going out, if she doesn’t adjust the list, FI (and trust me, make this come from him and not you) needs to tell her “Fine, then we won’t be sending these unknown people invites at all.”
Or, another way to handle this- divide the guest list. Ex: each family gets 40 guests, you and FI each get 35 guests. If it is SO important for FMIL that random-cousin’s teenage BF is there, then she can cut someone else from her list.
Post # 4
@jeg14: Let your FI handle this. It is fine to have a cutoff age or child free wedding. His Mom is incorrect about that. And trying to include the kids boyfriends? I can’t even.
Your FI can just call his Mom and tell her to revise the guest list to omit all children under 13. He needs to be firm so she doesn’t try to sneak any in and he also needs to tell her you are not extending invitations to people you don’t want to come. Not to mention, if she thinks they won’t come, why is it a problem not to invite them?
Post # 5
@rebwana: +1, totally agree with the giving each family a number of invites.
I’m having guest list woes with FMIL not being capable of telling people they aren’t invited. At the end of the day, though, she gets 70 people (90 if you include FI’s invites). I told her I don’t care who she invites, but she only gets 70.
Make her decide if those distant family friends children’s boyfriends are important enough. You control invites, so if she gives you a list of 5 more people, tell FI to take off 5 of the people he doesn’t know. That will wake her up really quickly.