Guest List Worries and Frustration

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Wow, I really hope you get a lot of declines! I’m sure you will if that is the amount who live out of town, and there are always people too with scheduling conflicts and stuff too.

I don’t agree that there is no way to get out of inviting people – if uncles/aunties/cousins who never see you and you don’t even know expect an invite then I think they are the ones with the issue. We didn’t invite all of our relations, only the ones we see and are close with! We got one or two comments from a cousin (including a sarcastic comment on DH’s facebook page the morning of the wedding) but they look the fool, not us 🙂

Post # 3
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Calyse:  Are you guys close to your cousins? My husband has lots of cousins (who we invited) but his brother (who had a much smaller wedding) cut the guest list by inviting the aunts, uncles and grandparents, but not the cousins. No one could complain because he applied the rule consistently.

Post # 4
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I can’t tell you because I am waiting to send my invites out but I can relate! We are inviting 230 and want 175….crossing my fingers for you!

Post # 6
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Maybe have a back-up plan? Is there a larger venue in your area that you can inquire about? It would mean losing the deposit on your current venue, but better to do that than possibly alienate an entire family, IMHO.

Post # 7
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Calyse:  Is your guest list wish due to size of venue or budget?  If it is size of venue, may want to get the list down as far as you can.  If it is budget, well, there are other cuts that can be made.

As a bride with the HUGE family (I’m in your FI’s boat) thats really hard to cut, but for a travling 14 hours plus, you will get a lot of declines.  My family loves weddings, but you will normally only get one or two branches to travel further than 8 hours. 

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Better start cutting people. At least you haven’t sent out invites yet (have you?) Host the wedding you can afford. If you can afford 150 people, invite 150 people. DO NOT INVITE MORE PEOPLE THAN YOU CAN HOST. Your family or FI’s family might turn it into a pseudo family reunion and all show up. Cut cut cut. 

Post # 10
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Calyse:  The only advice I can give is that if your FI doesn’t know who the people are and they are considered extended family, you do not have to invite them. I know his grandmother will know the details and probably gossip (my FI’s will too), but it’s perfectly valid to tell people that you are trying to have a smaller wedding. Most people are not going to just show up without an invite (even if they threaten to)…and maybe your FI or your FI’s parents just need to have a serious chat with the grandmother.

Post # 11
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Calyse: Wait you have invited 300 and your venue only holds 225? What are you going to do if more than 225 guests RSVP yes? You need to find another venue ASAP.

Post # 13
Member
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

Calyse:  You really should have counted before sending the invites.

My FMIL gave me a list of people she wanted us to invite. She told me that at least 4 people would decline. Those people RSVPd yes and will be coming. We planned for them to come in case she was wrong, and she was wrong, unfortunately. 

Post # 14
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

aussiemum1248:  +1 my cousin invited everyone to her wedding reception on my mothers side of the family except my parents and I. My sistet was even invited but my parents and I weren’t. She didn’t invite another aunt and uncle and my grandparents. Though it didn’t break ettiquette it hurt people’s feelings. 

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