Post # 1
I’m having a destination wedding and trying to keep it small. Right now we have a list of 44 people we are going to send an invitation to. That seems fine to me, because I’m sure at least a few of those people will decline making the trip. Ideally we would like to keep it as small as possible but without offending anyone, 44 was the smallest list we could set up!
Question…on my side, we are inviting aunts and uncles on my mother’s and father’s side. I am VERY close to my mother’s siblings and their spouses. I was the only kid on that side so I spent a ton of time with my aunts and uncles and grandparents growing up.
A bridesmaid is my cousin (on father’s side). Her sister (who is 16) will be invited because it’s not fair to invite her dad, his partner and my (bridesmaid) cousin. EDIT: Their father and his girlfriend will be invited alongside the younger cousin and my bridesmaid. Just wanted to clarify that part!
What about my other cousins though…will that be weird if I don’t invite them? I don’t want to because it’s a LOT of extra people and I’m not close with any of them. I see them once ever year or two and we barely talk to each other. Which is the same with one or two of my aunts/uncles, but I feel like I can’t invite some aunts/uncles without inviting them all. You know?
As it sits, my side is already bigger then FI’s side. Oops. Big families, fun..
What would you do?
Post # 3
In most cases, you can’t invite anyone from a “tier” (ie a friend group, co-workers, aunts and uncles, ect) without inviting the rest. This time, I think you are okay though. The only cousins you are inviting is a BM and the sister of said BM. I think those are reasonable expectations without inviting all the rest of the cousins.
And as a cousin from a large family, I would really be thankful to not be invited to a DW. I am not going to a cousin’s wedding two states away this year because of the money and because I have my wedding, my other cousin’s wedding and a friends wedding. That is starting to get up their in price point.
Post # 4
Thats tricky but I would invite whoever your are close to. Its a DW so you’d be spending more time with your guests than just a quick stop at each table to say “Hi”. Invite who you want and be done! (but I’m not much for etiquitte, I’m a ‘be considerate, but have the day you want’ wedding thinker)
Post # 5
dont feel obligated to invite people you dont want to. Of course its natural to feel weird to invite a cousin and not the parent, but end of the day, its your wedding. I wouldnt be offended if i wasnt invited to a wedding but one of my cousins was.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I didn’t invite cousins I hadn’t seen or talked to in years. In one family I have 4 cousins who are sisters, and I invited two of them. The other two didn’t care, as we aren’t close in the slightest. I know that is an etiquette faux pas, but meh.
Post # 7
I can’t imagine not inviting my cousins, even the ones I only see like every other year. I would invite them but if you’re not that close they’ll likely decline since it’s a DW. I mean if you have an insane amount like 60 cousins you could pick and choose but if there’s just like 20-30 I’d invite them. Combined FI and I have over 60 cousins and we’re inviting them all plus their children and every one of them is attending!
Post # 8
jlc3: Since it’s a destination wedding you won’t have as many people attending as if it were local. Cuba, sounds fun! I see it as you have two really good options;
1) invite everyone with firm RSVP date, as not to hurt any feelings & it’s their choice not to come.
2) send invite to those that you truely want there and send “we’re married” photo announcement to others – with or without casual reception at home.
Post # 9
@jlc3: Im having a DW too, Im not close to my cousins or uncles and aunts. I invited my uncles and aunts (to keep my parents happy) but not their children. We had about 70 we had to invite and have final numbers of 50 now which is exactly what i wanted. Only one aunt/unlce set from both of us is making the trip.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2014 - Twin Oaks Garden House
i was having the same problem…..my dad is 1 of 13 kids and well some im close to then others…. i ONLY invited close cousins and close aunt and uncles. ones that call, text, come around holidays, birthdays etc. this did include me not inviting some of the siblings of the cousins i am inviting. but it had to be that way. we want and can afford a smaller intimate and very well put together wedding then going for bigger and cheaper.
Post # 11
Thanks for the responses bees, FI and I wanted a bit of a different perspective on this. We don’t want to offend people but at the same time, we don’t want to invite 20 cousins plus 15 spouses/partners too! That’s almost doubling the list.
@Nikkimcq: just edited my op because after you comment I realized I wasn’t clear about that part. I will be inviting baby cousin, bridesmaid cousin, their dad and their dad’s longtime girlfriend as a unit.
@ApollosAgapi: I really like the points you made. I’m not sure yet if we will do an ‘at home reception’ but the announcement is a really nice idea. 🙂
Post # 12
I’m planning on only inviting one of my cousins on my dad’s side. MAYBE two but the 2nd one has managed to cause unnecessary drama when we live 3,000 miles apart and talk via text 3 times a year maximum. I don’t really want her there so she likely won’t be invited. I had at least 15-18 cousins on that side. I really don’t care if the others get their panties in a bunch lol