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I just went through this with my uncle. Basically I asked him prior to sending out the invites if he wanted me to address the invite to both him and his (then current wife), and he told me not to send it to her- though it was my decision if I wanted to invite her or not. (By the time I sent out the invites though- he had moved out and the divorce final)
Are you close enough to your friend? What about her spouse? Can you hand deliver the invite to her? I am wondering because you could have a heart to heart with her and say, 'I was going to mail this to your house but I wanted to take this as an opportunity to check in with you and see how things are going with you?' and to gage her comfort level as far as her taking him to a function like your wedding if by then the court papers are finalized or not.
My uncle ended his marriage amicably. But now his ex-wife doesn't want to be friends with him despite the fact that they ended things on as good of a note as you could. But it is awkward, because she knew I was in the midst of wedding planning, and I didn't want to not invite her simply because they were no longer married. But I allowed (or at least tried to let) my uncle make the call.
Try to talk to her and hand deliver the invite to her. I am sure she would appreciate the personalness in the gesture. & allow her to have a guest- in case she wants to take her sister/brother or another close friend. You can maybe write guest/SO- or is it too late to add that on your RSVP?
Unfortunately she lives cross-country from me so hand-delivering is not an option. I don't know her (ex?)husband really at all, only met him once before the wedding. I would not invite him independent of her. And I would definitely not expect her to feel obligated to bring him if they were in the process of getting a divorce.
We haven't been particularly close in the last few years. We emailed a bit more when her wedding was approaching, but pretty much no contact since then. I sent her a general, "what's up?" email not long ago but haven't heard from her. I haven't talked to her over the phone in years so I also feel like it would be more strange than anything for me to call her.
My strong suspicion is that she does not plan to bring him no matter what. Another childhood friend of ours got married a year ago. She came alone and said something about work or whatever (she does not live where I grew up). I had no reason to think anything was going on with their marriage then, but for all I know it already was. I mostly just want to make sure I don't address the invitation in a way that hurts her feelings more. I feel like sending her an email asking her outright might do that too, but my mom thinks it's better than guessing how to address it and getting it wrong. She did not write his name in our online response form, but I'm not 100% sure if that means we shouldn't include him or at least an "and guest".
I would just talk to her about it-- perhaps you could mention that you noticed it was only her name on the address registry, so you just wanted to touch base and see how you should word the invitation.
If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then I would just go ahead and invite her and her husband. Because if they haven't announced the divorce, or separation, I think it might be very weird to get an invitation that says "Ms. Jane Johnson & Guest" if she is in fact married. Plus, you never know where they might be in their relationship, especially if you've only heard things through the grapevine. They might be trying to reconcile or work things out...
I agree with those above. I think it might be a better idea to call her instead of email. Email seems so impersonal even if you haven't spoken to her in a while. You can use a, you know I've been so busy with the wedding that I haven't had the chance to see how you're doing type of phone call.
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I've got a quick questions re: addresses. I think, through the rumor mill but not firsthand, that one of the people we are inviting is in the process is getting a divorce and I'm not sure how to handle the invitations. The last time I saw her was at her wedding 2 years ago, and though we grew up together we don't keep in close touch.
We had an address registry site that went out with our Save the Dates, and she only replied with her name (though there is a spot for SO/spouse). My mom thinks that probably means that she really is separated (none of us know for sure b/c she's been pretty out of touch since she got married), but that I might send her an email and just ask her how to address the invite. My FI thinks that means for sure she is separated and we should just put her name on the invite.
I don't want to hurt her feelings as this is probably a hard time for her, so I'm unsure what to do. If I write, 'and guest', it might come off in the wrong way. And of course if I write her (ex-?)husbands name that would probably hurt her feelings. But I'm also uncomfortable not writing "and guest" since we are planning to do that for other friends. Anyway, any thoughts?