Post # 1
Ok, so my FI’s “friend” (a woman whom I do not like–When I first moved in she decided that FI had “changed too much” –ie got a back bone and didn’t let her walk all over him–and that it was MY fault and decided not to talk to him)…..but they got back into contact a bit and she was invited to the wedding…
Save the dates sent out 9 months ago….
FI calls her last month to find out of she’s coming, and she “can’t find a babysitter”….so he said that was okay and to let us know closer to the date….
So she STILL says she’s not 100% sure if she is going…..
So FI says to me (looking at the board with our placecards on it) “did you do one for her and her brother?” (okay, didn’t even know her brother was even coming—her other brother is but HE RSVP’d on time)….
I told FI that I assumed she was NOT going….and that I guess HE is making a couple of placecards and reorganizing the board…..(these took forever to do)
Keep in mind that this is this woman’s MO….she is trying to get attention and make a big issue out of something that is not…I also have a feeling that she will say she’s coming and not show –or be late…
FI had a crush on her when he was younger, even when he was with his ex…this stopped when he started dating me, so I think that she always thought that he would be her “second choice” for her whole life, and when our wedding invite came out she came up with this issue to try to get his attention…..
I think him saying that he “understands” if she can’t go annoyed her again, so then she’s trying to string him along until the wedding day…
Of course, he is oblivious to this woman…..it’s not like he’s going to have a tonne of time to see/socialize with her that day…we have 70 guests to socialize with……
Post # 3
@darkflame: Oy that would annoy me! What is your catering deadline? I would just tell her “you have until x day to respond, we’ve already given you x days since the rsvp date, sorry, we have to because of the caterer” if she doesn’t answer in time, don’t count her in. I may sound a little extreme but you do not have time the week before your wedding for rsvp shenanigans of a friend who has dragged your FI around. This is not your closest aunt or something.
Post # 4
We had a few stragglers who told us the week before the wedding that they could make it after all. I said something along the lines of ‘Oh, I’m so glad you’ll be able to make it! We’ve already submitted our final numbers and seating chart, but you’re more than welcome to come- just know that we can’t guarantee a meal and you’ll have to sit at an extra table in the back. If we have anyone not show up or leave early, you’re more than welcome to their meal. We look forward to seeing you!’
Post # 5
Just call her and say, I just wanted to confirm with you that since you didn’t get us an answer in time, we’re putting you down as a “no.” Have a great weekend!
And then hang up and do a little dance.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@darkflame: Yikes, IMO your FI should never have told her to let you know “closer to the date” without giving her a very specific date that you HAD to know by, if she still didn’t know you would probably have to put her down as a yes and hope for the best.
Every wedding has no shows.
Post # 7
I wouldnt have invited her at all knowing the history and her personality…BUT to move forward I would deffo send her an email saying that you have put her down as a no because catering already needed their final numbers last week etc
Post # 8
My husband had a girl who he used to have a crush on (prior to our relationship) and still friends with who started drama 2 months beforethe wedding with my moh and then w week before the wedding, to my hubby she threw out the “well I am not gonna come then” card unfortunately for her he forwarded the email to me (just as an FYI) so I forwarded it back to her and told her I think that is for the best. Best decision I never made I have never heard from her again!
I second calling or messaging to tell her you have taken her lack of response as a no. Problem solved. F that b!
Post # 9
I second (or third) PP who say to send her an email/leave a voicemail saying you’ve taken her lack of a timely response as a “No.” I don’t know the whole situation but I, too, think that her waiting until 4 days before the wedding to RSVP is a grab for attention.
Post # 10
Yup. This is the best thing to do.
@darkflame: I would say a call is better, since she might claim she never received your text/email…just sayin’.
Post # 11
“she is trying to get attention and make a big issue out of something that is not”
Really though? That’s what you think it is?
It’s more likely that it’s just that she said she’s coming because it’s free food (or some other stupid reason like that) but she can’t find a babysitter (which is a legit problem considering how much they cost these days) so she said yes but it was really a maybe.
I don’t think people like that are attention-seeking. people like that are just flaky.
Post # 12
I wouldnt have invited her. She sounds VERY annoying. BUT…I doubt she wants attention? From who? I guess it sounded like the bigger issue is her past with your FI.
Post # 13
No yes by the deadline? No food for you. Problem solved,
Post # 14
@CakeyP: lol love that idea!!! 🙂
Post # 15
She wants attention from FI….she always thought he would “wait around” for when she chose she would be with him…when I came in the picture that changed (10 years ago)
anyways, I told FI that HE is making her placecards….
when I told his sister that she is invited and being this way she agreed with me about her and her attention seeking ways….we both like her step brother but she is just one of those women who like attention….
Post # 16
@DaneLady: +1, that’s exactly what I would have said too. Good for you!
@darkflame: Sorry you’re going through this. I’d be super annoyed. Well, I wouldn’t have invited this person to begin with. You said FI had a crush on her, kept the crush throughout his relationship with his ex, and then it just magically stopped when he started dating you? I get that he’s marrying you, but it does sound like he is being very accomodating to a very annoying person he “used to” like. I would not be pleased either :-