Post # 1
So we already had FI’s one guy friend RSVP for him and another girl. We did not invite anyone but said friend, as we did not give +1s to local single friends. This girl is his ex, and we’ve met her a bunch of times before, and apparently they’re back together (we didn’t know when we sent the invite). So although I thought it was very rude, he at least could have called FI and asked if it was ok, we decided to allow it as they are back in a relationship and we do know her.
yesterday we got an rsvp card back for FI’s chronically single (by choice, player) friend. He RSVP’d for him and a girl who we have never even heard of, nor met. We just saw him at St. patty’s day and there was no girl not a mention of any girl.
I was livid. I was bridezilla. I told FI to find out who the girl is and if she’s not his secret gf of 6 months or somethinbowe have to tell him he can’t bring her, we did not give him a plus one. FI doesn’t understand what the big deal is, besides cost, but I am saying it’s rude, not fair to my other single friends to whom we didn’t extend a plus one, and just frankly pisses me off (I otherwise really like this guy friend, he’s a good guy, I’m assuming he thought he automatically gets a plus one).
advice? Anyone deal with this? It’s actually fine as far as cost but I don’t think we should allow him a random (or new girlfriend of a month) when we don’t extend that to others.
Post # 2
The Bee won’t let me edit this, I posted from my phone please ignore typos!
Post # 3
For one, I think it’s very rude as a guest to assume you can bring someone. If there is no plus one on the invite, you do not get to decide you have a plus one. I would agree also that since no one gets a plus one except those in previously established relationships, it would not be fair for your other single friends. I’m of the opinion he should have called to ask. I’m also of the opinion that your or FI should directly call him ASAP and find out what the deal is with the girl diplomatically and then gently let him know that he wasn’t actually given a +1.
Honestly – once you let one in, ya gotta let them all in. Otherwise there’s too much potential for a huge amount of hurt feelings.
Post # 4
I agree this was rude of him to assume his +1. It’s not fair, but I think you should let this go…especially if you like this friend otherwise. It’s not worth your time and effort of getting upset over it. At my brother’s wedding people brought their kids even when they were told to their face not to bring them. I don’t care whose wedding it is, I think there will always be that person or a few who either don’t show when they rsvped and those who bring extras.
Post # 5
MsYankee: I’d lean towards no for both actually. I attended a 1st cousin’s wedding without FI because they didn’t know we were together when they made their guest list, venue was at capacity, and I was told it was friends and family only – no plus ones or SO’s.
One of my other cousins attended with her boyfriend. I was not impressed.
Post # 6
We sort of did plus ones the way you did–established relationships get dates, singles didn’t. Our wedding was local and lots of our friends are single and hang out as a group all the time. No one complained.
In my opinion, girlfriend you know gets invited (since you would have invited her had you known), new lady of the month does not.
Post # 7
gillykat824: Thanks. So are you saying we shouldn’t let the first one (the ex now current gf) either? Had we known they were back together we would have invited her no problem, it’s just that we didn’t know.
sunelake27: I’m not very upset at the friend, just the situation – it puts us in such an awkward position. I don’t think it’s fair though if we let this friend bring this random girl and all of our other friends who are single didn’t get to bring anyone (and some of them know him so they’ll probably figure it out if they don’t already know she’s a random). Plus he knows about 15 others that are invited, so it’s not like he wouldn’t know anyone.
bitsybee: I understand. Our venue isn’t at capacity, and I did struggle with the first one initially but because we would have invited her anyway (by name – we know her) with him if we knew they were back together, we decided to let that one go. But this one with a random girl we have heard nothing about – grrr
BluebonnetBride: Thanks, that’s what I’m leaning toward. It’s so awkward and that’s why FI doesn’t want to say anything but I told him I will – we don’t have to say it in a rude way, just explain and I’m sure he’ll understand (if he doesn’t, oh well)
Post # 8
That’s tricky… yes, it’s rude of them to add extra people, BUT I’m of the opinion that they should have been allowed +1s in the first place (for every adult).
In terms of fairness for the other guests who didn’t get +1s though, it should be an all or nothing rule.