Post # 1
So, we sent out our invitations out one week ago. I was both relieved to get them out and stressed about the impending “issues” that were going to be raised by FI’s extended family. Sure enough, I didn’t have to wait long.
Yesterday morning we find out that Aunt #1 and/or her daughter are pissed that her Aunt #1’s son (who last time we heard wasn’t in a serious relationship) didn’t get a +1 while Aunt #2’s daughter (who has been in a serious relationship for the last year) did. This news came about because Aunt #1’s daughter sent a text message inquiry to Aunt #2 asking if her daughter got a +1. After Aunt #2 said yes, some rude comments followed (we know because Aunt #2 showed us yesterday because she didn’t want it to get turned around on her and, thankfully, she responded with “I’m sure they were extending +1’s to those in relationships and didn’t know he was in a relationship if he is and will be more than happy to give him a +1”).
It still makes me so angry. These cousins are adults that are older than us! How about the person with the actual issue calls us?? Why not ask us what is going on?? If he is in a serious relationship, our apologies, certainly she is invited but our wedding is not going to be a free eat and drink all you’d like day for some buddy of his! It is just so annoying!
There are also so rumblings that they might be annoyed we didn’t invite Aunt #1’s daughter’s daughter (so FI’s second cousin). I understand she is an adult now, and I do like her a lot, HOWEVER, she is his second cousin. If we invite her, then we invite all second cousins on both our sides and then the guest list goes up by about 100 people! We have to draw the line somewhere!
Also, FI’s sister is upset we didn’t give her a +1. She isn’t dating anyone and is in the wedding. Why would we?? She doesn’t live in the area and will be staying with me and the bridesmaids in our bridal suite (that FI and I are paying for) the night before the wedding. Wedding day she will be with me the whole time before the ceremony getting ready. So pretty much there is not going to be a lot of time for her to spend with whoever she would invite and, again, I don’t think we should have to pay $120+ a head so one of her friends can come to our wedding and party for free all night. There are plenty of other people we couldn’t afford to invite that I’d like there! My sister who isn’t dating anyone didn’t get a +1 so why should she??
Sorry about the long post, I’m not really looking for any advice, I just needed to get this out because I’m sure some of you are dealing/have dealt with similar situtations!
I’m just so frustrated that people can’t just be happy for you and happy that they are invited. I wish they would recognize how stressful and expensive weddings are and not try to add undue stress to you, especially when FI and I are paying for more than half of the wedding ourselves.
Post # 3
ugh, I feel your pain. long story short, it’s your wedding, and provided you don’t have unlimited space and money you have to draw the line somewhere! I think you handled your guest list restrictions very reasonably.
We decided to give +1s to all our friends, regardless of if they’re in a relationship or not, because we’re not inviting a ton of friends and many of them don’t know the others. My FI’s family is relatively small and he doesn’t have a ton of cousins, so we’re giving them +1s regardless as well. I’m hoping people will have the relative decency to not just bring some random person, but the number of single ppl we’re giving +1s to who aren’t in relationships is really small, so oh well. My family though is huge, and I have lots of cousins, and my personal feeling is if they’re not in a relationship they’ll have plenty of family there they know to hang out with, so tough. And I’m standing my ground. And if anyone doesn’t like it, too bad 😉 Not only would it be expensive for us, but we don’t have space for more people. And I’ve seen some of the people my cousins randomly date…
Post # 4
+1 drama is very common. You just have to explain to people everything that you wrote here, and then don’t let them push you around. Say rude things like, “Listen, if you want to bring (so and so), you can pay me $150 beforehand and we’ll invite her. Otherwise, we invited who we invited.”
Post # 6
They’ll get over it. We’re at the other extreme – we only gave out named +1s, to people in serious relationships. Of course, we aren’t inviting anyone who doesn’t know at least two or three other people there, in most cases many more. If we’d invited anyone who literally knew no one but us, we might have made an exception.
Post # 7
So sorry you have to deal with this drama. They are adults, they should be able to talk to you rationally.
We are also only extending +1s to people who are actually in relationships, but not all of them. I have a few cousins in relationships who we just can’t afford to give +1s to. We’ve never met their SOs and we have limited space so we’d rather invite family and friends than strangers.
When you start getting RSVPs back I’m sure you’ll get a few No’s and then you can extend more +1s. That’s our plan, anyway.
I hope things work out for you!
Post # 8
Thats what happens when you dont give adults the courtesy of bringing a date.
Post # 9
@Bostongrl25: Not everyone’s budget or venue allows for limitless +1s. This bride has already said she did them on a case by case basis as she saw appropriate. Instead of complaining so much, maybe more guests should realize they are adults and are perfectly capable of attending an event for one evening solo. I’m not going to give every family member who knows other people present a +1 just so some rando guest can party at my wedding. It’s ridiculous, and so is the argument that I should cut half of my loved ones and people closest to me from my guest list, just so the half that’s left gets to bring dates.
Post # 10
My only issue is not giving your BM a +1. I think everyone in the bridal party should be given a +1
Post # 11
Post # 12
@CountryBee13: I completely disagree. I would never expect an adult to come celebrate our love, and not give them the couresy of bringing a guest. If they choose to come solo thats their choice, but the invite should be extended in my opinion.
Post # 13
ha ha i got alot of this and wen people asked i said be cause the line has to be drawn somewhere we cant afford every one and its our day so we are doing it our way.x
Post # 14
My motto: “It’s my party, I do what I want!!!” 🙂
Post # 15
It sucks that the +1 issue with your cousin wasn’t handled as well as it should have. However, you should give your FSIL and sister +1s. They are standing up for you on your big day and presumably helping with wedding stuffs. I think the least you can do is allow them to bring a date. When you make your budget and guest list, you need to factor these things in.
Post # 16
It’s upsetting people don’t take a moment to realize that you are paying the equivalent of a lobster dinner at a decent place, drinks and a movie, PER PERSON.
Keep your head up hun, all of it will be over soon, it just comes with the moments of being a bride. The high of finding your perfect dress to the +1 debacle will in the end be worth it for all of us blushing brides. ( We all hope ) :p