Post # 1
So, until reading weddingbee, it never occurred to me NOT to include a guest with all invitations unless the invited person was under 16. I’ve never heard of that at all. I’m thinking it must be a regional thing? At our wedding back in September all invitations went out with either the person’s significant other/ boyfriend/ girlfriend’s name or ‘and guest’. I can’t imagine NOT allowing them to bring someone to help make the night more enjoyable for them. I am just wondering how many of you bee’s are doing the + guest for everyone and how many of you are not. I know that weddings where I live (Windsor, ON) are less costly than say, a wedding in Chicago or L.A., so I am just curious. Share with us bees!
Post # 3
Well I let most people bring a guest to my wedding. But i only invited like, 12 of my friends. 10 are engaged or married or have a significant other. So I felt like I needed to let my two single friends bring a buddy if they choose to. My FI has like, 5 single buddies coming and we said "and date" to be polite, knowing they wouldn’t have a date. But our friend guest list is small…it’s mostly people our parents age, in their 40’s and 50’s and married. We did NOT invite their children. I was very explicit about this. i’ve had one or two people call and ask, and as long as they are older (16 and up essentially)I’m ok wtih it. I want to avoid preteens and little kids. It’s a 6pm ceremony so uh, nobody gets to eat and run basically.
We had some older people on our guest list that we didn’t add an "and guest" to becasue they’re like, 60 and still single. We did have some people call up my FMIL and be like "oh can i bring my date? her name is X" and when I asked FMIL what the date’s last name is (so i can do escort cards, duh!) and she said she had no idea. So, that i’m not real cool with but i learned you can’t pick and choose as much as you’d like to!
Post # 4
We’re letting all of our friends invited bring a guest. Most of them probably won’t apparently and already know a ton of each other, but I just felt like we should if we could afford it. We’re not extending +1s to cousins I have that are more early-college aged (most of our other cousins are little kids), because I figure, eh, they’re family, they’ll know tons of people and don’t necessarily need their bf/gf of the week attending to be comfortable.
Post # 5
We are having a small wedding– 75 people tops– and since we are allowing kiddos to come, our invitations are only going to include a +1 for those who are already in a committed relationship. But out of MY friends and relatives, that only includes a few people.
Post # 6
We are trying to keep our guest list small by only inviting people that we have an ongoing relationship with. So we will allow plus 1’s for significant others and singles, because who wants to go to a wedding alone?
Post # 7
I’m really undecided on this topic. I’m getting married in Chicago, and things can be really expensive there. Also. I have a large family, so I’m having a large wedding 100+. I know that no one wants to come to a wedding alone, so I want to let a least some of the people bring guest, especially because my FI and I are just out of college, and many of our friends are still in college. My dilema come in two main places, my cousins who are over 16 but still being invited as part of their family, and the singles in my wedding party. Where the cousins are conserned I feel like they are there with their family because they are family, so they really wouldn’t be alone. And for the wedding party, if they don’t have a serious significant other do I want them to bring a date, who wouldn’t be able to sit with them and would be left out of all the ‘wedding party’ activites, and how much fun would that be for the guest to not be able to ride with or sit with the person they came with. I realise this probably wasn’t very helpful, but hopefully you see you aren’t the only one unsure of what to do.
Post # 8
I think it depends on your area, in ours is it is completely normal to not give guests.
I have a large family, so none of my cousins give +1 unless you are in a commited relationship. We are doing things on a case by case basis, I think it is hard to have specific rules because ther are different situations. We have 40 people who are not in relationships on our list. So I personally dont think they will feel lonely if they dont get a guest because many people will be in the same boat.
We are making exceptions for people who do not know anyone else. A lot of the single people are either college friends who will know at least 20 people (many who are single) or family members (whoe will know almost everyone, at least on one side). If I feel someone will be really uncomfortable without a plus one, we will probably include them.
Post # 9
I am having this issue too. I agree with other posters who say that it is a case-by-case basis — will the guest know anyone else, etc. I too am uncomfortable with my guest list becoming huge with scores of people I don’t know, but I want my guests to enjoy the day. In the end, it is your wedding, and I would hope your friends and family understand that you are trying to make the best choices possible and be supportive. 🙂
Post # 10
We decided on a case-by-case basis, too. Our venue simply could not hold all of our guests with a +1. So we made sure anyone married/engaged/living together/in a serious, long-term relationship got a guest. After that, we kind of looked at the individual person/situation. Who else would they know at the wedding, would they be offended if they didn’t get a +1 invite, how likely would they be to actually just bring a one-time date to our wedding just for the sake of having a date, how old are they, how far are they travelling to the wedding, how close are they to us, would we know their date, etc. Wedding party members automatically got a +1.
Post # 11
I was just freaking out while reviewing my guest list last night and I’m having a really hard time with this too. It’s basically coming down to sacrificing people I’m close with to give +1s to people that aren’t in a relationship and I just can’t bring myself to do that. So I think I’m going to go case-by-case. Anyone engaged/living together/been together a long time gets one, people who dont know many people get one, and people that know most people and arent dating anyone don’t. Yeah, I know – that sucks, but a budget is a budget and I’m just not going to go over my budget for people I don’t know and who don’t know me or my fiance. If I was made of money, everyone could bring ten guests for all I care. But as it stands I’m not able to even invite all of my friends. It’s a tricky situation but, as much as etiquette may dictate that people should get guests, it really comes down to the bottom line, which is $$$.
Post # 12
i really think it depends on the size of the wedding and the budget. my fh and i have huge families and friends and we are looking at a 200-250 guest list with the venue maxing out at 250. we would rather have family and friends first than a guest bring a date and its just not in the budget to let everyone bring one. there are exceptions, like spouses, fiances, so forth and if its someone in the wedding party.
my best advice is just first see if yyour guest list and budget will allow you to have guests bring dates and then determine a ballpark figure of who might bring a date.
just remember its your wedding and you need to do what makes you and your fh happy!
Post # 13
I have a lot of friends and a big family on my father’s side. FI and I decided we’d invite people +1 who are married/living together/long-term relationship at the time we made the guest list and any single person who has to travel from out of state. Originally I was not planning on inviting all of my aunts and uncles, but instead I decided to invite them all and some of my cousins that I am close with (I have 35 first cousins). Our wedding is also an adult wedding.
There was some grumbling in the beginning about this–we made this known before we sent out invitations–someone told me I had to invite people with a guest and I said, listen when you get married, do whatever you want–this is my wedding. I see no problem with it because my wedding is in my hometown–all of the single people coming are friends/aquaintances who have met before. We are not paying for anyone’s random date and all of our close friends have been with us on this. Our RSVPs are slowly trickling in and we’ve gotten a couple of people who RSVPd with new girlfriends–we nicely let them know that the invitation was only for one. So far, the two people we’ve corrected have been cool, but if they didn’t want to come without the significant other, I would have been fine with that, too. We have a budget and we’d like that person to share our day but almost 2 months away and I’m starting to care less and less about what people think about my wedding. 🙂 Such a stress reliever.
We invited 140, hoping the actual number is between 120-130.
Post # 14
For us it was a choice of either invite all our friends and family without guests, or invite only some of our friends and family and allow them to bring guests. Inviting all of our single guests to bring a guest would have added 100 people to our guest list, which would have been totally out of budget. it really seems like an obvious choice to me, and I didn’t struggle with my decision. We opted to invite our friends that were not in relationships without guests, so we could have more of the people we cared about there. No one seemed upset that they didn’t have a "date" with them. In fact, a lot of our friends who didn’t know each other ended up getting along and hanging out after the wedding.
Miss Manners wrote about this, and her opinion is that guests really have no right to expect to be allowed to bring anyone who wasn’t invited along with them to the wedding, and while a +1 is nice, it is much more important to invite people who have a reasonable expectation that they will be invited.