Guest was fired – how am I supposed to handle this?!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How to handle the fired co-worker?
    Say nothing, plan on her being there : (43 votes)
    57 %
    Text her to ask what seating arrangement she would prefer, giving her opportunity to say "no" : (30 votes)
    40 %
    Text her and say we know it's an awkward situation, ask if she intends to attend : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Say nothing, don't plan on her being there : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    It doesn’t sound like she left on awkward terms. Unless the guy who fired her is there at the table of coworkers, I think it’s totally fine and I wouldn’t worry.

    Post # 4
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think it would be fine to ask her if she wants to sit with her old coworkers, but otherwise I don’t think I would say anything. Honestly does your FI even like this girl or was she only invited because the other coworkers were? I don’t see why you wouldn’t want her there just because they don’t work together anymore…

    Post # 5
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    @anonybee0810:  I think it would be a nice gesture of your FI to give her a call and see how she’s doing. Losing a job is a very tramautic experience for most people. While he’s getting a general feeling for her state of mind, he can casually bring up the wedding, and tell her he hopes that she’ll still be joining you, but understands if she might feel uncomfortable. That will open the door to her to express what her preference is.

    He was close enough to her to invite her to the wedding, he should feel close enough to her to call her up, check in , and see what her plan is.

    Post # 6
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @anonybee0810:  I’ve made very solid friendships in less time than that, perhaps she saw their friendship as being much more substantial than he did? I would just expect her to come, seeing as she indicated she would both with the RSVP and by saying something so specific to your FI.

    Post # 7
    6450 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @SeaSalt:  this is a great idea.

    It sounds like she didn’t leave on terrible terms so I think it would be nice of your FI to maybe check in. If he doesn’t feel comfortable calling her than I think your idea of him texting her to ask if she would like to sit with her previous coworkers is good too.

    Post # 11
    2696 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @anonybee0810:  If I was her, I would still attend the wedding. Me getting fired wouldn’t change my mind.

    Post # 12
    11614 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think you should plan on her being there, and not contacting her about her RSVP.  If she doesn’t want to go, she’ll contact you.

    Post # 13
    2562 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I guess I don’t understand why she was invited if she was a new hire. We’re slectively inviting people from work, we can’t invite everyone (especially the new guys). Even for a small company I think that’s OK.

    Anyway, since you already invited her to your wedding, you can’t fire her from that, too.
    I agree with PP’s – give her a call, ask her how she’s doing, and check to see if she’s still comfortable going if she’s seated at the boss’ table. If she is, then she’s still going… and since you invited her that’s totally her call.
    ETA: Actually, I’m going to take that back and say you invited her in the first place, and if she RSVP’d “yes” then that’s her choice to make, not yours. Don’t call her to check, just take her “yes” as a “yes.”

    Good luck, OP.

    Post # 14
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    @anonybee0810:  I would encourage him to not make the conversation too much about the wedding, and mostly about how she’s doing. It would be a little like calling up a coworker whose father died and spending more time asking about when they’ll be returning to work as opposed to how they are coping with bad news.  I know you guys want an answer, but at the same time, be considerate of her. Your FI may also offer to seat her elsewhere, or let her know that you planned to seat her at the table of coworkers, and ask if that’s ok or she’d be more confortable with your second cousin, once removed/college sorority sister/insert random person here.

    Post # 15
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @anonybee0810:  Ah ok, the boss being there definitely makes it more awkward. With the other coworkers only it didn’t sound like they’d have anything against each other. In that case, I’d do as a PP suggested and get your FI to call and check in on her and casually mention the wedding. If she still wants to come, that’s her choice but maybe now that it’s had time to sink in and she knows this guy will be there, she might change her mind if given the opportunity.

    Post # 16
    1769 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Texting her about seating sounds like a brilliant plan. I’m going to store this one away as a last-chance non-rude way to check on likely flakes (well that and hotel reservations since we’re destination in popular area and have blocks for onlybudget conscious rooms available)

    what a savvy FI you have 

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