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I'd be pretty angry if someone RSVP'd then didn't show. That's a lot of money to spend!
Wow! Don't people know that each guest costs the wedding couple money?? That is the whole point of an RSVP! Maybe someone should drop the hint to your coworkers about how weddings work. I would be angry, and I'm pretty sure I would have to say something eventually. I would not invite them, as they obviously do not understand etiquitte or have any respect for others.
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I would not invite them and then if asked, I would be tempted to make a rather snide comment about how you didn't want to put them out by asking them to drive anywhere. But that is probably not the best idea...
wow thats pretty terrible. i mean, i can understand if something comes up and you really can't show up. like you're sick or something bad happens. but to bluntly say that she didn't go because it was too long of a drive and purposely went to another party is awful. i as well, probably would not want to invite someone like that. and if you felt obligated to invite them, i would ask them nicely but specifically if they RSVP yes, "heey, i saw that you RSVPed..just wanted to verbally confirm with you too! *big happy smile* so, do you REALLY think you're going to come for sure? because if you don't think you can, i totally understand since *its a far drive or whatever excuse you can think of* and i wouldn't be offended...but i just need to know for sure since i'm going to confirm with my vendor at the end of this week...thaaaanks." i don't know...something to that effect...
Ugh...she sounds awful. Why would you want someone like that at your wedding? I can't believe she blatantly told you why she ditched the other wedding. That is right up there with the "I just didn't feel like it excuse." If she treats wedding invitations so cavalierly, I would not want her to come to my wedding and waste my time and money.
I agree, either don't send them an invite, or make sure you verberlly confirm. I can't believe they had the nerve to not even send an envelope w/ a cash gift after not showing up!
BTW, for any guest that do not show up, my venue gives us credits for their restaurant for any meal on the menu. I actually hope a couple people don't show up, so we can go on our aniverssery and enjoy a seemingly "free" meal. (my parents are paying for the reception so it really would be a free meal!!!
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They say only 80% of the RSVP's will show up... according to my research. So you should probably factor in some no shows when you put in your final numbers. I'm not saying I agree with the wedding no show but you will likely have around 20%. (based on extended guest lists - it would be much lower of course for a small wedding with only immediate family and close friends)
Uhm, I really think it's 80% of those you invite will RSVP with a yes. I expect at least 95% of those who RSVP'd to show up.
Just to put it perspective, look at my wedding shower. We invited 60, 40 RSVP'd with a yes, and one didn't show.
Candi
This co-worker sounds pretty young and immature, and I have to admit, when I was a single girl in my early 20's, I had no idea how much went into planning a wedding and often RSVP'd late or not at all. I had a lot more appreciation once I was planning my own wedding, and realized how important it is to RSVP and show up if you do!
We invite people out of obligation (like co-workers), and this is a clear indication that she treated it as an obligatory invite where she didn't really have to attend.
Absolutely she was wrong and rude to RSVP, then not show. That should give you a big red flashing light to not feel the need to invite her, especially if she's not that close to you.
She might be offended by not receiving an invite, which will cause some awkwardness at work, but there would be awkardness anyway if she pulled the same no-show stunt with you. At least if you don't invite her, you won't be out the money or the time at the reception talking to her when you could be talking to someone you really care about.
I think it all depends on where you live...we had a rather big wedding (600 invited) and 50% RSVP'd yes. Probably 90% of them showed up, but several of the people who RSVP'd 'no' showed up too - so our numbers were just about perfect.
Out here (rural north west) - people think of the RSVP as an intention, but that doesn't help the bride out at all!
i had about 10 guests who RSVP'ed and didn't show up. i was upset because 10 guests is a lot of money down the drain, but i also understood that the wedding culture that most of those people are used to is a lot more casual...they're used to seating on a first-come basis with no table cards and buffet style dinner, so you don't need to plan for an exact # of guests. my wedding, however, was sit down dinner with waited tables. i'm guessing your coworker is inexperienced and totally unaware that weddings are not like other parties. i wouldn't cross her off the guest list just for poor RSVP etiquette, but give her the benefit of the doubt and drop strong hints at work to find out if her RSVP is bogus. if you'd rather not invite her for other reasons, then don't.
When my sister got married my mother on purpose told the venue about 5 guests fewer than had RSVPed yes (we expected about 130). As anticipated, several didn't show up so it worked out.
I think it's a lot easier to add a couple of chairs to a table then pay for people who don't show. And you can always pretend that it was the venues fault and they messed up the seating arrangements.
I'm having a dilemma right now with a dear friend whose 2nd baby is due 1 week after my wedding. She wants to 'play it by ear' about whether she, her husband, their daughter, and her parents are going to come to my destination wedding... She really just doesn't get it. I'm not paying $500 for her and her parents (not to mention the cost of the rehearsal dinners) when in all likelihood she'll have just had a baby and not come, or be ready to pop and not come!
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I say don't invite her, there may be awkwardness in the office but it will pass. And you don't want to deal with it on your wedding day and get upset, her behavior is just rude and inexcusable.
Ouch. Rosychicklet, there is no way your friend is going to travel with a 1-week-old baby. You say its destination, but I assume you can drive to the location. Most airlines have a travel policy for infants under a certain age (some 7 days, some 12 or 14 days) that requires a written physician's approval for them to allow the baby on the plane. If she's late, I hope she has the sense to stay home, but if not many airlines also have policies about pregnant women within 30 days of their due date. My sister flew for business until 1 month before, and near the end (she was looking pretty pregnant) she was asked by the airline to bring a letter from her physician stating her due date, or risk not being allowed on the plane.
On the issue of the work "friend," I would actually be inclined not to invite her. It doesn't sound like you are friends anyway - just coworkers. And, say it with me: You are not required to invite coworkers. Your wedding is a social, not a work function. The only rude and inconsiderate people you have to invite are those ones actually related to you. If she has the nerve to ask why she wasn't invited, you can either talk about your space and budget restrictions, or just say that it never occurred to you that she really wanted to be there that badly, so sorry, too late now, but let's have drinks sometime.
I was in the same situation, so of course I think it's really rude to RSVP and not show up, but what can you really do about it except get your numbers as precise as you can. There were about 15 people who RSVP'd and didn't come. What's worse is that these were people that we didn't expect that from - not "flakies" that you would assume would be a no show. My wedding was 3 weeks ago and I am still a little sore about it because that was money that we didn't have to spend, but it's gone now and there's nothing we can do.
wow, thanks everyone for your inputs. this will definitely make me think about inviting her and her husband. the funny thing is i thought she would have known better since she experienced, in the sense that she's been married 3x and is over 60. i just thought she would have had more class in the whole matter. thanks again everybody!
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What do you do about guests who RSVP then don't show up? A coworker of mine recently got married and another coworker RSVPed then didn't bother to show up. So this past Monday I asked her how come she didn't go, and she said, "It would have been a 3 hour drive for us and we ended going to another party." I was like (to myself) that's kind of rude, since she RSVPed over a month ago and knew the drive would have been long. Then a week before the wedding she tells me that she had that other party to go to and probably was going to go. I kind of don't want to invite her and another coworker (she basically did the same). That's an extra $200 I can spend on something else if I don't spend it on their food. What would you do?