Guest/Invite Questions…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

1. You aren’t being rude at all by having a smaller wedding. If anyone says anything just tell them you are having a small, intimate wedding and you can’t invite everyone. Also, does the 65 person limit include vendors? 

2.It’s VERY rude to split couples, regardless of length of the relationship. You need to accomodate for every guest that is in a relationship by the time the invitations go out.

3. I would put the ceremony start time on the invitation, but something on the bottom (where you would typically put reception immediately following) about being on board by that particular time. You won’t be lying to your guests about the start time this way. And I agree with your fiance- it needs to be hosted. Sounds like you’re good to go here!

4. Don’t “Semi-host” anything. Either host it all, or not at all. Drink tickets are rude. You can have an after party, but spread it by word of mouth. This will get you out of hosting. Just tell a few people that you and your fiance will be out at x place around a certain time if they feel like dropping by. I wouldn’t mention celebrating the wedding though. Might come off as gift grabby.

5. I’d give several options for hotel rooms that cover a variety of prices. Can you do blocks at a few more? 

Post # 4
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ohnatto:  I am only going to comment on one point- the departure time of the cruise. I would be really upset as a guest if I arrived “on time”, had 30 minutes to kill on top of the normal 15-20 minutes early that I would normally arrive,  and later found out that you had deliberately given us the incorrect time. Drinks or no drinks, I would still be very annoyed at you. This tactic is punishing those who arrive on time vs those who are late.

I understand your concern about late arrivals delaying the departure of the cruise, but I would simply add a line to the information card ” The ship will be departing promptly at ____. We are not able to delay departure for late arriving guests.”

Post # 6
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@ohnatto:  Could you host beer and maybe wine or a signature drink? 

Post # 7
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

As for the cousins with guests thing…we decided that unless they were engaged, married, or living together my cousins wouldn’t get dates. I have about 12 second cousins between 16 and 22 and only one is living with her boyfriend. The other 11 may or may not be dating anyone, but they aren’t getting a date to the wedding.

I will say this though….they don’t bring their SOs to Thanksgiving, Christmas, or the family picnic in the summer. I have never met any of them and it is not standard in my family to invite dates. My FI wasn’t invited to a cousin’s wedding when we were just dating and no one scoffed or thought it was out of place…we have 65 people on my mom’s side alone, and big families understand that.

Will your cousins/family care? I don’t know. It’s one of those things that is up for debate because dating couples don’t have a hard and fast ettiquette rule when it comes to invites at a wedding.

Post # 8
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@thenewmrsmax:  Actually, it is against ettiquette to split couples. If they are in a defined relationship, they should be invited. 

Post # 10
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@ohnatto:  If it’s only one person, I’d invite them. I still think it’s rude to split couples. I hope the hotel is able to work with you on the hosted drinks!

Post # 11
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@jbh13:  

The etiquette I have read on the topic has always said that only serious/engaged/married couples have to be invited together.

I personally defined serious as a couple who already acts as a social unit and attends family gatherings and holidays together. Other people (including guests) may define this differently. I know for a fact that my guests will define “serious” relationships similarly to me because they are my family.

Post # 12
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

1. Small wedding is fine. Each person gets to decide whom they want to invite . You want family and he wants friends that is fine.

2. Plus ones for social units period. If you know your cousin is a relationship- not just living ttogether or engaged- that SO should be invited.

3. I would expect water or mocktails or cocktails if I am told I have to wait 30 minutes to board a yacht on top of arriving on time (10-15 minutes to your invite stated time).

4. Don’t pass out drink tickets. If anything just do a “first round on the new Mr & Mrs”. Better yet don’t host (pay for) the after party. As a non-invited wedding guest, but also a local friend I would be more than happy toget a casual invite to hang out with you. I would want to know the cceremony was super small beforehand . I would not want to hear about your wedding at the after-party b/c let’s face it wedding stories are boring. I would not mind having to buy my own drinks and likely will buy you a drink too to celebrate.

5. Regardless of the $100 hotel savings I would likely find my own hotel that is apart of a rewards hotel program I am already apart of. I’d either use my points or pay out of pocket. Your $300/night oceanview room i for $200 instead isn’t that enticing. I would make sure your guests that opt to stay there still get the discounted rate if you end up changing your mind on hosting the bar or less guests from your party choose to stay there.

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