Post # 1
Hi everyone, I have a couple issues with guests and would like advice on what to do.
1. My fiance’s mom wants to invite about 7 people from her side of the family (that my fiance doesn’t really want there). Our budget won’t account for a family reunion because she wants one. Do we have to invite them?
2. My fiance’s parents are divorced. His dad has a gf and his mom does not. She said that “she would FIND someone to bring if he brought his gf.” We’d both prefer that our wedding not be a battlefield for them and that neither of them bring dates at all. We’d also prefer his aunt (divorced) not bring a date and his grandpa not bring his gf either. All I keep hearing from them is that “they’ve never heard of a wedding where single people couldn’t bring dates” and “it’s not the ettiquete that you have to worry about, it’s future relationships.” Like the above issue, our budget simply won’t allow for extra people at this point.
I really want to tell them that if they want a family reunion/dates that bad then they can just pay for them to come but I know that’s not very nice either…
Thanks for your help. =)
Post # 3
My view is that it is up to you and your FI who you want to surround yourselves with on your wedding day.
Now, are your FI’s parents contributing to the wedding $$? because that could be causing the sense of entitlement.
I would pick either dates or no dates, you can’t tell one he can bring his date and tell another he can’t. For the sake of each family member, I would go with no dates and be firm about it. They are adults, they can handle being at event without a date, they will have each other after all.
I would also tell them exactly what you wrote, that your budget simply does not allow for extra people. You and your FI need to be on the same page and stick to your guns together on this.
Guest lists are super stressful, good luck!!
Post # 4
@PinkPinstripes: Thanks for your feedback. FI’s (that’s fiance right?) mom is contributing some but not enough to make it worth the extra 7+2 (dates for her and her sister). If that’s her reason then I might just tell her that she doesn’t have to contribute… I get to hopefully confirm the final date with him sometime today (darn Navy…) and that’ll give me time to ask him his plans on talking to his mom, dad, aunt and grandpa about dates/extra guests.
Post # 5
It’s your wedding so you invite whomever you want since you only get to do this once. If your fiance doesn’t want them in attendance, they don’t get invites. MIL can invite them to visit her on another occasion with her own money.
There is no etiquette book that says singles must be allowed dates. They are adults and surely know at least one other person they can socialize and enjoy themselves with. You are under no obligation whatsoever to allow random strangers you cannot afford. If someone doesn’t like it, too bad.
Post # 6
I get you not wanting a family reunion but it’s pretty rude to allow some to bring guests and not others because you do not like the person.
Post # 7
@nyebride: 100% agree with you. +1 or no guest is a hard and fast rule down the invite list.
Post # 8
@Ember78: I had a friend tell me that she can pay for her own family reunion too. I just can’t really tell it to her that way. Pretty sure I should leave that to my fiance.
@nyebride and Mrs. Louboutin: We’re actually not allowing any guests for invites. At least one of us knows everyone on the current guest list well (i.e. he’s never met my grandma who lives out of state). Most of the guests we have are mutual friends of us both. His parents want us to make exceptions for them, his grandpa and his aunt.
Post # 9
How long have your FIL and grandpa had these gfs? To me that would depend on whether you have to invite them. If they are long standing gfs, I think you have to invite them. IMO. I also feel for your MIL a little. If FIl gets to bring a gf, I think that MIL hsould be allowed a date, if it makes her feel more comfy.
However, in the case of close family, particularly family who is helping to pay for the wedding, I think you are perfectly fine allowing your own parents dates, and not otehrs. I would take issue with people who start calling foul because most people didn’t get dates, except the groom’s parents. They deserve an exception.
Post # 10
I may be biased, but I don’t see why you would exclude his grandpa’s gf. I doubt he is switching gf’s every other month. These are adults we are talking about, not teenagers or college-aged people. I would suck it up and invite immediate family members and 1st degree relatives with significant others. I’ve seen families torn apart for years over sillier things. Is it worth the hurt and frustration? To me, that’s the question you have to answer. Don’t forget that not everyone on your list will say yes – we had a local wedding and invited 140 people and 90 came to the wedding.
Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you and your FI.
Post # 11
1. No, you don’t have to invite people you don’t want there. Especially if FMIL isn’t contributing enough to cover the extra costs. It’s yours and FI’s wedding day, not a family reunion as others have said.
2. I think allowing +1 is different to letting people bring their SOs. If FFIL and grandpa’s GFs are long term SOs who are likely to be part of the family then I think they should be invited. This is different to letting FMIL find some random guy you don’t even know (where? on the internet?) to bring along as her date, IMO.