Guests adding whoever they feel like as their +1

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to ask who your guests +1 is going to be?
    Of course not! You need to do seating charts, escort cards, favors, etc. : (73 votes)
    51 %
    Need to know their names to RSVP on the website! : (17 votes)
    12 %
    I would like to know their names to address their invites properly. : (36 votes)
    25 %
    Yes it is rude. You don't need to know their names. : (16 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6021 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Send the invite addressed to “Joe Smith and guest” and include a line on the RSVP card for them to fill in the guest’s name. You don’t have to invite the guest by name unless they are a couple, in which case you probably already know their name.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6503 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Pixienickie:  To me the point of a +1 one is so that a single person can bring a friend, or a SO if they happen to start dating before the wedding. I don’t think it’s necessarily rude to ask who they will bring but I don’t think a lot of people will know who they will be bringing if they aren’t currently in a relationship.

    ETA: They should give you the name of the person when they RSVP which you can use for the escort cards and seating plan.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1021 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Pixienickie:  you call them “and guest”.  Most people won’t ask someone to join them until 1-4 weeks before the ceremony.

    Post # 6
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Pixienickie:  I don’t think it’s rude to ask, but the problem you might run into is that people may not know yet who they want to bring. They might have just started seeing someone, or maybe they are interested in bringing someone but don’t know if they will want to/be able to go. So it would kind of put your guests on the spot to ask them that early. It may be better to put “and guest” on the invitation and then leave a spot on the RSVP card to put the actual names of attendees. Of course, if it’s a friend that you know is in a long-term relationship, you can go ahead and put the SO’s name on the invitation. 

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    1768 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    we’re giving all single guests a plus one. For the most part, we know the names of our family and friends’ boy/girlfriends, so we’re just addressing the invitations to mr. John Smith and Miss Emily Stone or whatever.

    For the guests who aren’t dating anyone in particular (or we don’t know), we’re addressing the outer envelope to Mr. John Smith and the inner envelope with be John and guest. That is how you would properly address the envelope. Our RSVP cards have the traditional M_________ line for the guests to fill in their name. 

    I don’t think there is any good/appropriate way to ask guests who their plus one will be before they are actually invited. It’s fine to contact cousin John and ask him who is girlfriend is, though. 

    As an aside, if you invite someone and give them a plus one, their guest can be whomever they please. If you invite John Smith and his girlfriend by name, then it would be inappropriate for him to bring someone beside the person named. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    720 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Pixienickie:  I have a wedding website as well. What I did was have them RSVP on the RSVP page and there is a comment box as well. I asked them to put the name of their guest in the comment box so I can do the seating chart. I am just addressing the invitation to my main guest and they can choose who they want to bring and I will still have time to do the seating chart.

    Ex. I address the invite to “X”. “X” wants to bring “Y”. So “X” goes to the RSVP page and says 2 people are coming. He writes his name on the page than in the comment box they will put “Y”‘s name so I know that “X and Y” are coming and than I can work them into my seating plan. 

    I am doing this because I have a few friends who are single but they have many friends whom they could choose to bring and I want to try to make their guest feel comfortable. I don’t think its rude to try and make every guest who attends your wedding to feel comfortable! 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    We’re not inviting any unspecified “+1″s – anyone in a relationship of any length will be invited with their partner by name, and that’s it.

    In your situation, I think it’s fine to ask people who they’re bringing. You can’t write “and guest” on a place card!

    Post # 10
    Member
    3706 posts
    Sugar bee

    On the website, list them as belonging to one guest party (how the do it for Knot website RSVPs) – John Smith and Guest Smith. John (the invited one) will probably RSVP for both of them, anyway.  Good Luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1216 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Pixienickie:  I have never seen an invite that already had the plus one listed on it. Generally you send the invite to the primary person being invited, and it gives them a chance to list the plus one on the RSVP.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6960 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Eh. I don’t think it’s the end of the world to ask but it’s also not the end of the world to put “Joe Smith’s Guest as the name. Do what you feel comfortable with. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Pixienickie:  This is an etiquette question, which means that the only acceptable answer (by etiquette sandards) is that each and every guest must be addressed by name.  If you want to be very by the book, each guest must also be sent an invitation to their own home address.

    Your mom is incorrect.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2992 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I simply added – and guest – on the invitations. But we are not doing things like table numbers and escort cards so I do not need to know the +1 names.

    Post # 16
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Pixienickie:  Who are the single guests?  If they are closer to you, go ahead and ask them.  If they are older relatives closer to your mother, I’d trust her judgement.  We’re getting names for almost all of the plus ones, except for an elderly guest who needs a companion to help him travel.  It will probably be his daughter, but if it needs to be someone else (even a caregiver) I want that to be okay.

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