Post # 1
I need some advice from fellow brides-to-be. As with many brides these days it was important to me to keep the guest list under control when planning the wedding/sending invitations. For this reason my fiance and I discussed before invitations were ever sent that we would only be allowing dates for married/engaged couples or couples that had been in a relationship for more than one year.
Since the invitations have gone out I have had one friend ask me for a date and I had to tell her unfortunately no. Of course I felt bad but our price per plate is on the higher side and I feel like people asking for a date do not understand how much it costs for every random person you bring. Since then my fiance has had two groomsmen ask to bring dates. He ran it by me..I said no…naturally my fiance then goes and tells them yes that they can bring dates. I am furious that he went behind my back like that I don’t understand why he would do that after I specifically said I do not want random people at my wedding. We had an issue with inviting children early on in the process and I lost that battle to his family as well and now I’m losing this one. I understand that most of the time it is polite to let people bring a guest especially the bridal party but I feel very strongly about keeping the wedding to people that know me/have at least met me before. I guess I’m having a hard time understanding why he is playing “people-pleaser” when my feeling are getting hurt every time people go against my wishes.
Am I being unreasonable at wanting to keep this an intimiate affair with no random dates? I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one that thinks only people in relationships should be attending a wedding together.
Post # 3
you are definitely not being unreasonable, make your FI go to his groomsmen and say unfortunately no, they’re not allowed dates, sorry about the miscommunication, etc etc
Post # 4
@Jacqui90: This. Sorry guests are being so rude : (
Post # 5
I let our groomsmen bring dates. Of the two that weren’t in relationships, only one actually has a date to bring. I think it’s okay for your wedding party to expect to bring a date, bit I just flat out told our friends that we don’t want randoms so nope, no dates.
Post # 6
for just dates not girlfriends, I would tell them that you have a cute friend you want them to meet but it would be awkward if they already had a date. worked like a charm for us 😉
Post # 7
The one-year cutoff for relationships seems kind of arbitrary. What about someone who’s been dating for 10 or 11 months but are very serious about one another?
I think you should for sure cut some slack on the groomsmen. Members of the bridal party are spending money on tux rental, etc., to be there to support you. IMO the gracious thing to do is allow them to bring a date.
On the rest of it, you and FI need to decide where to draw the line, but it’s good to keep in mind that while yes, it is “(both of) your day,” it’s also a party for your families and friends. Sometimes it’s important to be flexible to make those people happy. It’s fine to tell your friend “no random dates.” But maybe it’s important to let your parents, or your FI’s parents, invite their friends that you may not have met before, etc. Just sayin’.
Post # 8
This is always a debate on the bee, but I am of the opinion that adults should be given the option to bring a date. I understand budget constraits, but I would never expect guests to celebrate our love and marriage while not even giving them the option to bring a loved one. I also think the “one year” dating rule is a little silly.
With that said, if there is just no way then that is fine. But I most definetly think you need to allow your bridal party to bring a date. They have spent money on tux rental/dresses (im assuming?) and all the other costs associated with being in a wedding. The least you can do is allow them to bring a date.
Post # 9
Sorry, but I’m with your FI. Your groomsmen should be allowed to bring dates. They are standing up for you two and will probably be helping with the wedding so it would be really nice to give them one. This is something you do for them and their comfort and not something you do for you.
I do agree though, that friends who aren’t in relationships don’t need to be given a +1 though.
Post # 10
@Ellegee: I DONT think wedding parties should bring random dates. Who will their dates hang out with when the person is dealing with the wedding/taking pictures/sitting at the head table?
Its not fun for a date if they dont know anyone, worse if their date who can introduce them around is busy the whole time.
You definitely are not wrong here. We are only allowing people in serious relationships to bring dates. So if they are single when we send out invites, they only get one invitation. There will only be a few we will allow dates because they will probably bring a friend we all know. So no randoms thanks.
Post # 11
@Kayleebee: I don’t know how this tradition even got started. I asked a friend why she felt that it was important to bring a date to the wedding and she said “so people won’t feel like losers for showing up alone.” I think it is really really ok to do things on your own without a date sometimes. I have found with my guest list that I know everyone well enough to know whether they are in a serious relationship and those people will get separate invites.
Post # 12
I am in the same boat. Except it’s my FI’s best woman, who is also my friend, asking if she can bring this guy she is kind of seeing so she can split the hotel cost with him. She told me ” well, you know I am paying for the dress, the trip, the hotel room, to get my hair done, it would help me out a lot if he could come.” That is part of being in the bridal party! Meanwhile, she is kind of still dating this other guy that we hate! So, I told her that I couldn’t give her an answer til super close to the wedding, but she has no clue what a wedding cost. And yeah, bringing some dude we hardly know would help her out financially but would hurt us. Alo, i invited my old middle school teacher becauser we have stayed in touch and she just invited some guy she is dating like it was nothing. It was kind of awkward telling her no as she is my old teacher. So I let it slide.
Also, my mom wants to invite all these random people from her work who I have never met. People.
Post # 13
I know the feeling Kayleebee. My FI has a huge family, almost all within driving distance – and I really am not banking on having more than 200 people there. Especially since our venue can only hold 250. I’m counting on the fact that most of my family is a few states away and can’t really afford to come to the wedding (I’m talking cousins here)
I’m with you on the no random dates thing, but I agree with the other ladies about the wedding party exception and the “one year” dating rule. Make exceptions here and there for those who’ve committed to your wedding day and certain family members. Limit it as best you can, but don’t cut it out for those who count. 🙂
Post # 14
If the guest limit was not set for financial or space reasons, and was just because you don’t want someone at your wedding that you don’t know, or someone ‘random,’ then I’m kind of with your fiance. Usually I say stick to a rule and keep it, but if these people are in your bridal party I can see why they would want to bring someone they are seeing or starting to see. I would go over the guest list and realistically see how many ‘plus ones’ you could accommodate and then go from there.
Post # 15
Are cut-off is married, engaged or living together, it covers everyone except 2 of FI’s cousins and their girlfriends, but then we know when to make exceptions, those cousin’s have been with their girlfriends for longer then me and FI have been together, so of course they will be invited. Also we are making the exception if someone wouldn’t know many people. Since we are doing a seating chart to prevent any issues with a free for all, i’m putting all my single friends at one table since they are all apart of the same social circle.
Post # 16
@Firinne: with how much you are expecting this girl to pay for, I would make sure you allow her a date, otherwise you’re just being beyond rude!