Post # 1
FI and I are eloping and having a small dinner for close family / friends a month later. The guests are giving me a hard time about this dinner and ruining the experience for me. I never wanted a wedding because my mom died when I was a kid, my father abandoned me and my other family relationships are strained. FI wants the wedding, but wants to cancel it because people are making me upset. I’m doing this wedding for EVERYONE ELSE, not us, but if they are unhappy why do it at all? It’s costing me and FI over $5,000. I always take things way too personally so am I over reacting? Here are the examples of what happened. Would this upset you? Thanks.
FMIL said our wedding was bad timing because she’s busy and said that FBIL and FSIL may not be able to attend due to their finances. She complained about not wanting to pay to fly FBIL and FSIL up here all the time.
My brother complained about the dinner being at 5:00pm on a Saturday because it’s the last Saturday of the month and work is busy. He said I’m putting him in a really bad position to take a few hours off because he will get a lot of shit from his boss. He said he and wife would try to be there but can’t guarantee. This hurts because I worked full time and was taking my college finals when he got married. I had to work double shifts for 2 days to make up the money I lost to attend his rehearsal dinner and wedding and he doesn’t even know that I did this because I would never complain to a groom about his wedding!
My aunt offered to go to the vendor appts with me and after I set the appointments on a date to accommodate her, she said she can’t go because her 9 year old’s softball game is that day. I know that kid trumps niece, but she’s always flaking out on me and I stupidly thought that she’d take extra care in making sure the day she gave me was free because now I can’t change my appointments and have to go alone.
My sister asked “does this dinner mean I have to get you a gift now” and said “I’m just going for the food”… thinking she was being funny. WTF.
A close friend complained about my menu because she’s recently a vegetarian again, but I get that so I’m going to try to find something for her but it was just ANOTHER complaint on top of everything else 🙁
Post # 3
Cancel it and spend on eloping and a nice honeymoon instead! Sorry you have to go through all this. It will all work out in the end though.
Post # 4
Each on their own, nothing of this is that bad – more thoughtlessness. However, bundle them all up & I can see why you’re feeling both hurt & rejected. I would weigh pros & cons & then cancel if you think it will continue like this/get worse.
Best of luck!
Post # 5
WTF? How much notice did you give them? I understand if someone can’t afford/find a flight short notice, but it sounds like people are just being difficult in general. Complaints about it being the last Saturday of the month? So you’re suppose to plan your wedding to make it convenient for someone else’s schedule? Um no. I would cancel and enjoy your elopement. Use that extra money on your honeymoon or a romantic long weekend. I wouldn’t put up with that crap.
Post # 6
@mseagles: You’ll get through this. if you planned on a date and time stick to it! Screw those who complain about! The ball is in their court either they attend your wedding or they don’t. Dont let these people bring you down! this is your wedding and planning it is supposed to be a happy time for you. Consider going the selective hearing route…When someone bitches and complains, end the conversation..You really have enough on your plate and there is no room for other people’s bullshit! Right?
Post # 7
To be honest, I would just cancel and enjoy your elopement.
Post # 8
@adoc86: FMIL was told 5 months in advance. FBIL said no problem so I don’t see why FMIL even commented at all. My brother was told 4 months in advance. As soon as my aunt gave me a date, I immediately scheduled the appointments and when I talked to her 4 days later to tell her my brother’s comments she said the date she gave me wasn’t good. Her next availability is a month from now and I won’t reschedule it for then because I need to know the costs of these things asap so I can budget the rest of the wedding. I feel bad for being that way but I needed to do what was best for my situation and there’s no gurantee that she won’t cancel again. If she did, I’d be devastated all over again about how unimportant our wedding is to everyone. P.S. Sorry for the extra venting!
Post # 9
@mseagles: In that case I think they had plenty of time to sort things out in prepartion for a close family member’s wedding. Id just elope.
Post # 10
I agree with other posters. I’d cancel everything, elope or go to a JOP with FI, then not be bothered with everyone for a good, long while, if at all.
Post # 11
I’m confused do you have a wedding planned but now you are thinking of eloping. Or do you have an elopment planned but you are intending to have a big 5000 dollar party after the fact?
If it’s the former. Do let family and freinds stress you out to a point where you dramatic alter what you want to suit them.
If it’s the later than don’t bother with the party. You will already be married and it’s a huge waste of money to have the party if it’s not attached to the wedding. I can kind of understand why guests would be luke warm about attending when it’s just a party and not the actual wedding. I wouldn’t take time off of work to go to someone’s at home reception either. I was actually really offended the one time I was invited to someone’s reception but not their wedding.
Post # 12
Girl have a WeddingMoon and call it a day
“Why didn’t you invite us to celebrate with you?”
“Cause you were making my life HELL!”
Post # 13
@arendiva: We are eloping and having a dinner a month later. It never occurred to me that people would be offended by such a dinner with free food and alcohol. Something to think about I guess.
Post # 14
I’d just cancel and wash my hands of everything. If anyone’s bought plane tickets or made hotel arrangements already (and can’t get refunds), I’d hang out with them for the weekend and treat them to an awesome dinner.
Post # 15
Another vote for cancelling the dinner celebration. If it’s not giving your or anyone else the warm fuzzies, spend that $5,000 on really, really awesome honeymoon and/or fancy up your romantic elopement!
Post # 16
If your FI wants a wedding, then he should be able to have that. You don’t want to have him living with that regret. It’s about him, too.
As for the people that suck in your life… stop listening. Send invitations. Whoever comes, comes. Whoever doesn’t, doesn’t. Celebrate with the people that want to be there and don’t waste your energy on the people that have their own agendas.
Marry the love of your life. The few hours of the wedding will pass. You’ll say I do, have a wonderful kiss, a nice meal, pretty pictures, and then the day will be over. I’ve been through a lot of crap since we got engaged – lost most of my friends, family issues, venue issues, caterer hell – but I found a way to get back to happy and I can’t wait to marry this man now – with less stress, with whoever shows up, with whatever food is there… and I’m sure you can get there, too…