Guest's Date is married… to someone other than the guest.

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I just found out that someone I invited will be doing the exact same thing. I think I’m just going to let it go and try to avoid interaction with my guest’s guest on the day of. Ugh. Gross!

Post # 4
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

Ah there was another thread about this recently., I hope someone canfind it… it would make a lot of guests uncomfortable if they know the guest who should have been invited instead of the missress/mister.  Maybe you could ask the friend of FI “Oh, is ____ not coming, we were expecting her” and then say that you would feel awkard or mistress/mister to be there in the circumstances.

 

I’ve not been through this myself so I don’t have first-hand advice.  I do however think you have a stance to explain that as it is a wedding you want those attending to support and not mock the institution.

Post # 5
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mrsfun:  Did you address the invitation to your friend and their spouse specifically? Or did you write friend + guest? 

Post # 6
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Maybe its just me, but I’d definitely call and say, “oops, I think I sent you the wrong invite card. It wasn’t supposed to say +1 on it, Sorry about that!” Screw ettiquette, you’re not disrespecting my marriage like that.

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@mrsfun:  As long as the scorned partner isn’t going to be there, don’t let it bother you. People will always do things you don’t agree with – just enjoy your day and ignore them!

Post # 8
Member
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

hmmm…awkwaaaaaaaaaaard. This has never happened to me but since I believe in marriage and fidelity, and I openly disapprove of people who publicly belittle their marriage in any way, I wouldn’t bother pretending that this was cool. Okay, hey y’all thanks for coming…aaaand walk away and greet other guests. But that’s just me being my mean self.

Post # 9
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t stand for it. I have no problem letting my friend or relative know that while I can’t stop them from having an affair I certainly don’t condone it and that their mistress/mister is not invited to the celebration of my marriage. I wouldn’t mince words on this at all.

Disrespect your spouse as much as they’ll allow you. But do it on your own time.

Post # 10
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I’d ignore it, and try to go on with my day, but I am a total non-confrontationalist.

Post # 11
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I couldn’t do it. I’d have to say something.  Like … “hell no”.

Post # 12
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Call me an undignified bridezilla with no tact, but I absolutely would call the person and say “Hey there! I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to bring your mistress in place of your wife to my wedding! Bring the one you’re married to and act chipper or stay home, you revolting swine!”

…. maybe not in so many words

Post # 13
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

There’s no way I could or would tolerate something like this.  I realize that you have no control over what someone else does with their time and to their own relationship, but a wedding is no place for disregarding the instituion of marriage.  For me, letting him bring his mistress to the wedding and not saying anything would feel too much like condoning it.  I would have to say something to indicate you had invited him and his wife, not him and a plus one.  Either he can come by himself, with his wife or not at all.  That being said, I didn’t have this situation with my guests, but I do know of people who have been on the other side of these scenarios (i.e. the wife of a husband who would bring his mistresses to events), and that probably has something to do with why I feel so strongly about it.   

Post # 14
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

@Overjoyed:  +1000! I would be letting the friend know that if they are not brining their marital spouse, they will not be welcome to bring a guest. And if they insist on brining the affair-ee (?), they would not be welcome at all.

Its YOUR wedding OP, so you get to decide who is welcome and who is not.

Post # 15
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

While I do think it’s a little tacky, ultimately I think it’s important not to judge your guest too harshly. From the outside it may look sleazy, but you don’t know anything about what their marriage looks like behind closed doors. He’s made his choice and is obviously comfortable enough with it to bring his mistress to a public function.

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mrsfun:  Nothing to be done? NO WAY. I would call whichever one is your friend and go “I’m sorry, we would preffer you not bring _______, since they are still married. Feel free to bring someone else, though.”

There is NO WAY I would allow that mess at our wedding.

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