Post # 1
We got married about a year and a half ago and had a few people not give gifts. Now one of those people who didn’t give us a gift, is getting married. We are going to their wedding, but I feel very torn about what to do. Do we bring a gift? Do we just give a card (this is what we’re leaning toward)? Do we give some kind of token gift? We want them to know that we acknowledge and congratulate them getting married. I feel very uncomfortable going to a wedding empty handed, but now see that a lot of people do it. What do you all think?
Post # 3
I think that you should at least give a card. I really don’t think it’s nice for people to show up with nothing at all. No one says that you have to get a gift for the people, especially if you can’t afford it but something to acknowledge it would be nice.
Post # 4
I try to not let the actions of other dictate my behavior. If you typically bring a gift when attending a wedding, I’d continue that behavior, regardless of this couple’s gifting history.
Post # 5
I could never show up to someone’s wedding giftless. It was so rude that they did to yours…(I mean gosh, you can get a vase or candy dish on sale at Macy’s for like $25!) Unbelievable.
That being said, I would spend no more than $50 on a small gift for them.
Post # 6
That’s rude that they showed up empty handed. Perhaps they didn’t know…I know this is a stretch but FI didn’t know that’s what you suppose to do. He thought the shower gift was the wedding gift. It is possible that they maybe ignorant towards proper wedding etiquette.
I don’t think you should do that back to them. Although it was rude of them to show up empty handed weddings aren’t about gifts and money (shouldn’t be). I would say take the high road and at the least get them a card. I personally would probably buy them something small, depending on how close I am to them though. If it is a close friend or family member I would just brush it off and do what I would have if they had brought you a gift/card.
Post # 7
I’m with @redherring. I don’t see why you wouldn’t give them a gift.
Post # 8
Eh…I’d get them a card and not feel bad about it.
Post # 9
. $25 may not seem like a lot to you, but sometimes it’s the difference between eating or not. You don’t know their financial situation, they really may not have been able to afford one. Sure, they could have MADE a card, but still. Don’t let their faux pas give you a reason to commit one as well.
Post # 11
I always try to take something. Maybe the reason they did not get you a gift had to do with their finances. Or, did you have any gifts that you couldn’t match with a name? In the very least, I would grab them a bottle of wine and a card.
Post # 12
I don’t think that whether they gave you a gift should play into whether you give a gift. If you normally bring a gift to a wedding, you should bring one for this couple too.
I doubt they meant to be rude. I do think it’s better to come to a wedding whether you can bring a gift or not. We’ve had some remarks from some family members about money being really tight this year and that some can’t afford to come to the wedding and bring a gift too. We’d much rather they come then worry about buying us something! Perhaps that’s what happened with this couple too. I’d give them the benefit of the doubt.
Post # 13
I would just give them a card.
Post # 14
I would give them a gift, life is not about keeping score
Post # 15
You were clearly bothered by them not giving a gift so I would not do that to them as retaliation.. If you normally bring a gift, I would suggest you do that. Besides, what if they got you a gift and the card got lost or they mailed it and something happened along the way so it never made it to you, then you would feel really bad. As previously mentioned, you don’t know their motives and you should not change your behavior because of it.
Post # 16
I have to agree with @redherring as well…You should do whatever you normally do for a wedding.