Guests handing in RSVPs instead of mailing them

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@BakerBee16:  Honestly I would just be glad that you are getting RSVPs back – posted or otherwise. I get that it’s frustrating but less frustrating than having to hound people to RSVP 🙂 The ones who say ‘oh but you know we are coming’ are in the wrong though and should have the courtesy to fill the card out.

Post # 4
3836 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@BakerBee16:   I’d send an RSVP back through the mail if it were my next door neighbor.   Tearing off the stamp???  huh???  And calling you cheap when you are being just the opposite??  That is very rude.  

Post # 5
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Personally I don’t understand asking someone to put an envelope in the mail when they are already handing it to you in person. That to me is rude. So long as you get the RSVP, what difference does it make how you get it?? The money has been spent on the stamp weather it’s postmarked or not.

Post # 6
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BakerBee16:  I feel your pain. I don’t really care about the stamp being wasted, but it was easier to get the rsvp’s in the mail and be prepared to deal with them, or at least be able to stack them in one spot until I was ready to enter them into the spreadsheet.

When someone just handed them to me, it was now an additional responsibility for me not to lose them before I got home.

Having said all that, if someone hands you one, I suggest the polite response is to thank them, not to lecture them about the stamp, or complain about their method of delivery.


Post # 7
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Honestly, I would be irked that the host did not just graciously accept the RSVP. A simple thank you would have sufficed. Then your fiance could keep the RSVPs in a safe place until handing them over to you. Typically RSVPs have a return by date (not a mail date) and the stamp is just for convenience.  The co workers returned the RSVP on time in a fashion that was convenenient to them. 

Post # 10
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@BakerBee16:  If they’re seeing you, I understand them not mailing it and would just take it. I get the waste of stamps being annoying. Maybe try and take them off to use them again on the ones you get back like that? Of all the stressful things around weddings, I would just see it as a free stamp back in your pocket and let it go.

Post # 12
7284 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Etiquette requires guests to RSVP that is it. It doesn’t require them to RSVP in the way you prefer. A guest is only obligated to rsvp and are free to do so in any manner they wish whether it be in person, on the phone, via email or on an rsvp card.

I would rather them waste a cheap stamp rather than waste the resources that would be used to send in a simple card (coal, electicity, petrol).

Post # 13
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@BakerBee16:  Yes, it’s annoying that people aren’t using the stamps, but on the bright side, at least people are using the RSVPs. Be glad that you don’t have to hunt those people down three weeks before your wedding and confirm if they’re coming or not.

Post # 14
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I didn’t care about how the cards got to me as long as I had them. A few stragglers just text’d us & that’s annoying. (Still better than the people I have to track down!) I think it was kinda silly for your FI to ask his coworkers that when he could have handed them to you.

Post # 15
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@BakerBee16:  You’ve already spent the money on stamps whether or not they get mailed. If it’s easier on yours guests to hand them to you, just accept it. If someone told me to take back my RSVP when I was handing it to them, I’d look at them like they had 3 heads.

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