- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
We have a tight budget, and a lot of people who want to be at our wedding! Since we are having the ceremony at the church, a lot of the church members are going to be helping out with different things, and we see no way out of not inviting them. Besides, they have played such a huge role in our lives. Also, my family is rather large and my FI's is, too! Then we run into problems of wanting to invite certain friends that run in the same circle as others we weren't going to invite, etc...
As you might can tell from this information, our guest list has grown and grown. The church is big enough for everyone but we simply cannot afford or have enough space for that many people at our reception.
Since it is in a different location than the ceremony, we think some people may just choose not to attend, but I was wondering would it be terribly rude to only invite our family and very close friends to the reception?
No. All guests invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception and all guests invited to the reception must be invited to the ceremony. People will wonder why they aren't good enough to be invited to both events.
That said, your guests do not dictate who attends and who doesn't. That is the job of the bride and groom who are hosting the wedding. You decide whom you want to be there, that you cannot imagine spending the day without. Your guest list is also dependent on how much you can afford to spend and how much room you have to hold that number of folks. Anyone who does not make the cut gets an announcement.
Well I have been to weddings where certain guests were only invited to the reception and not the ceremony, but I wondered if it could work the other way around.
I have to agree with the other ladies, if they get an invite to the ceremony they should get an invite to the reception.
This is tough. Honestly most weddings that I have attended the ceremony and reception have been at different locations and I have always attended both. I really don't know how you are going to handle this. Maybe you could do a small church reception immediately after the ceremony. Just have cake or some type of dessert and drinks. Later go to dinner with the family and close friends???
We are in a similar situation. I look at it with a much different perspective than the ladies above.
Since you're wedding is in a church I'm going to assume you, and many of your guests will be religious. If they are, they'll know that the WEDDING CEREMONY is the most important part of the day, not the some large, fancy party following it. If they have the right attitude they will feel privileged to share in that sacred event. If they don't, you have to question how good of friends they really are.
We are inviting 200 people to our wedding ceremony. Only 100 will be attending the reception that night. A few weeks later we'll be having a much less formal pot-luck style reception for the second half of our guest list.
I do think it is important however, that guests traveling a distance be invited to both the reception/ceremony.
I think Tonya2010's idea might work well, if not something like what we're doing might take care of the problem all together.
@ zhongliqiu: That sounds like it would work for us maybe. How are you wording that to your guests?
You're right in the fact that big wedding reception parties that are typical aren't really in the style of what we are going for, or what our guests are expecting. The big focus is on the ceremony, but we still want to have a celebration afterwards we just don't have enough room for everyone!
No, there's really no way to do it without leaving a bad impression. Is there any way you can scale down on the reception so you include everyone? Is the venue all paid for? What's the numbers difference between who you want to invite and who you can invite?
i don't think that is ok. seems kind of rude to me. i have recieved invites before saying i'm invited to the dance part of the reception only. I hate those invites. I don't go to those weddings ever.
No. I agree with Selene, it's rude. If a guest is invited to the ceremony, then they need to be invited to the reception. That's proper etiquette. I would be extremely offended. An invitation to the ceremony carries a gift obligation. You would hate for your guests to think that you just wanted gifts, but didn't want to have to pay to feed them.
If you can't afford everyone, cut your list. Sometimes you have to be a little cutthroat.
The wedding ceremony is the most important part of the day, so people should be happy with just attending the ceremony. If they are not, then that is their own problem and should be none of your concern.
Invite whoever you can to the reception. I don't think it's rude at all. My cousin is a school teacher and invited her students to the ceremony only, and that was perfectly fine. I don't think they were expecting an invitation to the reception anyway.
I was considering sending some friends who I am not very close with anymore, but who I was at some point, an invitation to only the ceremony. I mean, that's the focus of the day anyway. Not the party-- that's just for people who ARE my family and friends NOW.
@karina- I'm sure your cousin only invited them to the ceremony because they're kids. It's acceptable to have a full ceremony and an adults-only reception.
There really isn't a polite way to invite guests to a wedding and then inform them that they will not be invited to the reception. All wedding guests invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception. When I receive an invitation to a wedding, I just automatically assume I'm invited to the reception!
HOWEVER, I have read that the only time it's okay to have a wedding & not invite all the guests to the reception ais an "open church" wedding. This is where you'd post an invitation in your congregation & anyone could come watch your nuptials. It is usually followed up with a small cake & punch reception with those members so you can spend a few moments together. Your situation could fit this requirement, but etiquette does state that the reception is to be a small, family only event.
Have you already booked a venue for the reception? I'm sure if you get really creative you could find something that would help keep the costs down.
ETA: For example, My venue includes the room for free if I spend at least $1400 on catering (plus all tables, linens, china, and flatware). That's an absolute steal! A lot of hotels work on sliding scales depending on your catering costs, so that might be something to look into. Also, if you try to find places that allow you to bring in your own catering it will save you so much money! Another thing to think about is changing the formality of the wedding. Wedding ceremonies performed in a church are always traditional, but people I don't think it would be weird to have more of an informal reception. Especially if you are involved in your church, I think people would expect it more.
So some say no, some say yes, and some are iffy. I appreciate everyone's answers... I don't think that (the majority) of the church guests would be offended for not receiving an invite to the reception, but I don't want to offend anyone. I have some brainstorming to do. Keep the input coming!
I thought about this, but worried that some may feel like they were excluded and didn't make the cut to be invited to the reception. So I decided to only invite those that I can invite to both.
I personally think that its rude to invite people to one and not the other unless its an adult only reception. In that case there is an exception to the rule. If I received an invitation from a "friend" to their ceremony I would wonder why I wasn't invited to the reception.
I think deep down I know I probably need to find a way to make cuts or something, easier said than done! But thanks for all the input!
It's always been my understanding that a church ceremony is an open event. It is a church ceremony. Thus, people who aren't invited can attend the ceremony. However, they may not necessarily be invited to the reception.
My mom cut her part of the guest list and is not inviting certain of her friends. She has told them she is not inviting them because she knows they have other obligations that night at the church (and I don't know many of these people any way) that they should not shirk. She explicitly told them they should not change the regularly scheduled activities for my wedding. However, she added, they're more than welcome to come to the ceremony (after all, it's about celebrating my marriage, and not about me getting gifts right?). As a compromise, my dad will be providing them with a roast pig for the pot luck dinner that night. Kind of a weird situation, but then again, my sister (who knows more of these people) is getting married in 4 months, so these people will be invited then.
You know, its quite common at my church to have an "open invitation" for the ceremony, followed by cake/punch reception in the fellowship hall....then an invitation-only (of course much smaller in number) reception at a different location, typically a hotel.
I think if this is common for your church, then MOST people won't be offended, BUT be prepared that some will.
I think the only acceptable way to do this is an "Open Church" wedding as RecessionistaBride described.
I personally find it offensive to say, "They should be honored to attend just the ceremony, and if they're upset, that's THEIR problem." I think the vast majority of people would be offended by being treated as a second class guest, because that's just rude. If they're just fellow church members and wouldn't be offended since they're not super-close to you, then I think opening your ceremony to the whole congregation is the way to go.
I agree with a lot of brides here....I would avoid inviting guests to only the ceremony, and not the reception. There is just really no tactful way to pull that one off.
Unless you do the small cake and punch reception immediately after your church wedding, I think there is no good way to do this. It wouldn't have to be elaborate, but some way of showing gratitude for those who attended. You're a host to your guests still.
Maci - I am in the same prediciment as you but.....
My parents have 750 people in the church, and about 600 people think they know me and want to attend. So the usual thing in my parents and church is...that EVERYONE is invited to the wedding, anyone can come. But a nominated guest list can only come to the reception. I have never heard one complaint from anyone from feeling left out or thinking this is rude. They got share a special part in the day, and they do understand.
I wouldnt feel bad about it whatsover.. Because Im not, im doing the same thing!
What a lot of you have said about an open-church invitation may be the way to go, it sounds like it fits the situation well. I will talk to our secretary about putting something in our bulletin and maybe posting an announcement, and then sending actual invites to those that are invited to the reception. Is that tacky?
I think that putting it in the church bulletin and then only sending invites to the ones that you are inviting to both events is the way to go. That's a good idea.
I agree with the Open Church wedding, which will help with your church community. That is very common at my cousin's church, and is a good solution.
I think where you need to draw the line is at inviting people who would never attend your church otherwise without inviting them to the reception. Really, don't send anyone a formal invitation without an invite to the reception. The church family will just come if they know it is open.
Hmmm..I guess the church members could come and not expect a reception invite (not sure how I feel about this really), but other than that I would definately never attend a wedding in which I was invited to the ceremony only. I think it is extremely rude. People leaving the ceremony would hear others say, "See you at the reception!" and think, "Why wasn't I invited to the reception?" I think it's awful. To me, you should invite the same people to both the ceremony and reception. But from others comments above, it sounds as if inviting an entire church congregation to the ceremony (with them having no expectations of being invited to the reception) is somewhat common? If so, then you should be fine!
I think that is a good route to go. You may want to see about doing a cake, dessert and punch reception after the ceremony so that the church community feels that they had the opportunity to see you and your FI. Be sure to be explict in any announcements talking about the reception that it is an invitation only event. We are having a small wedding (~80) and most of my local friends have been really understanding that due to family numbers we are only able to invite a few people locally.
Has anyone else gotten married recently in the congreation that you coulc ask how they handled this?
Yeah, sorry... I wish I could agree with you to make you feel better, but I think it would be incredibly rude to invite people to the ceremony but then tell them that they could not come celebrate at the reception.
i am totally with greenek2 on this one. totally.
this was never an option for me and it has never crossed my mind. imho, do it right or dont do it at all.
I don't think its a good idea either, sorry. I think eople would deffinatly wonder why they weren't good enough or important enough to be invited to the ceremony. Even if they know you are on a tight budget and understand that you can't have everyone at the reception, they could still think that they should have been invited and be hurt that they aren't. I would just have a small ceremoney and reception. Those people that saw you get married would want to also celebrate with you.
It is custom, if you are having your wedding at a synagogue, to open the ceremony to all the congregation, but that doesn't extend to the reception. We just couldn't afford that. We will announce our wedding and if folks from the congregation want to attend, they will be more than welcomed. And then we will offer a mini reception in the party room (mostly soft drinks and light apps) for the congregation since they aren't going to the reception. If you do something like this, then I think you are fine.
I can't imagine that anyone would think you should flip the bill for well over 200+ folks just because they want to come to your ceremony.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ticatica | 13 |
| MrsOliveBird | 11 |
| aussiebee | 10 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 10 |
| janetsnakehole | 8 |
| Scottish_lassie | 7 |
| GelaMac | 6 |
| j_jaye | 5 |
| MrsMSmith | 5 |
| Rivendeler | 5 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| j_jaye | 1 |
| ticatica | 1 |
| takemyhand | 1 |
| Adalita | 1 |
| cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d | 1 |
| bonkeyball3 | 1 |
| KellyLouise | 1 |
