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Oh yes. My aunt invited her best friend, same story she just told me. In this case I was okay with it because I really like her best friend, but if she were someone I didn't know I was ready to say "sorry, but we have a very limited number of people we can invite. I'm afraid we can't accomodate her. Please be sure to let her know as soon as possible".
That's absurd. Only the host can invite anyone, what they are doing is trying to force you to have to invite them because they've already told them about it. Don't fall for it! It's their rudeness to have said anything to their guests, not yours for holding your ground. Say to your aunt and bridesmaid: "I'm sure they'll understand when you tell them it wasn't your place to invite them and they cannot be accomodated". You don't have to justify your response with details like space or money, in fact don't, because then they'll try to get around you by offering to pay or something. The reason they can't come is that you are in charge of the guest list and no one else, that's all. I can't believe people some times.
what?! people are so stupid! sorry you are dealing with this, but yes...typical!
Yeah, I had that happen. I contacted an old friend for her address and her parents address so I could send them an invite. She emailed me back and also made sure to let me know her brother was living with her parents and that I should invite him too (even though she didn't invite my siblings to her wedding). I brushed it off and ignored it and then none of them even showed up for the wedding.
Ugh, my uncle (mom's brother) invited my aunt's (his wife) parents to our wedding. They live in Uzbekistan and will be visit for the 3 month period that our wedding falls in, so they're bringing them on a cross country tour that culminates with my wedding and them flying out of nyc to get back home. Kinda annoyed that I now have to pay over $300 bucks for their dinner and stuff when i barely know them. (met them once at my uncle's wedding).
Thanks ladies! Well, my bridesmaid asked me right in front of her brother! I told her that her parents are invited and she said "Ok. You're inviting Alex too right??" I felt so awkward because she put me on the spot. So I just smiled and nodded like an idiot. I don't like conflicts so I just brushed it off. But I am so uncomfortable that I now have to make room for her brother in my already-full guest list! :(
As for my aunt (she's my mom's sister but I'm not close to her at all) she emailed me and said "My mother-in-law is coming to your wedding. She's really excited." I haven't replied, but I was shocked that she didn't even ask me!! I already did her a favor by inviting her step-sons, whom I only see once a year and am not very close with. I just don't want to fight with her, so I haven't replied yet, but ugghh I am so uncomfortable with all of this!
It's easy to invite other people when you're not the one who's paying for it. That's my theory on the whole issue b/c I'm sure if roles were reversed that they'd be feeling the say way you do now. Your in a tough spot but if it's not a big problem to include your aunt's mother-in-law then just let it slide. But... do tell your aunt that she cannot invite anymore people w/o your permission going forth. It's a nice compromise w/o stepping on toes.
I feel your pain. My sister-in-law (BM) who's expecting forced along with her mom (my future MIL) to invite her MIL because she'll be the one babysitting. Why should I be forced to feed her babysitter, a woman I've never met? MIL: "she'll give you a gift, probably $100." BM aka future SIL: "we'll pay for her meal- why is this such a big deal?"
f you don't ask and you force something on a bride it's not acceptable! P.S. my brother and his wife (also in the wedding) are expecting and have already sorted out their babysitting issues so they can enjoy the wedding.
wow, this is so annoying. People just don't think!! How could it not occur to them that extra people means extra money?? Well, at least they are giving you a heads-up about it.
I live in fear of the people that just show up unannounced. Very typical at Mexican weddings. I spread the word early that our guest list would be tight, so I'm hoping people get a clue.
Oh, and get this...FI actually called his brothers and sister to get their individual guest lists!! WHAT?! They each invited about 2-3 couples that we've never met (their co-workers)...insanity! he's lucky I forgive easily...lol
Wow - that's insane. We haven't had any of that yet but I know it's probably coming. You kinda backed yourself into a corner with the friend's brother - I would invite him now, but I would def. voice your opinion to your friend too so she knows she put you in an awkward position.
Can you ask your Mom to handle your Aunt? That seems a little crazy to me. Is there a reason she should be coming?
That's kind of insane... I feel your pain. One of my bridesmaids asked if her dad could come because he's going to be in town. At this point, I don't even care, because it's easier to say yes than fight about it.
I think the only thing you can do when you're put in awkward situations like that (ie, when they invite guests to your wedding right in front of you) is to maybe take your bridesmaid aside later and say that you really can't accomodate her brother, or else just let him come if it's feasible. Let her break the news to him. With your family, that's tricky. It probably depends on your family, but I would probably have to just let that one go and let your aunt's MIL come.
@ Miss Root - you're so right, it's easier to say yes than to fight about it... but it's so unfair! As bridegirl put it, how does it not occur to these people that more people means more money! And how does it not occur to them that they have no right inviting these extra people?? Ughh.
So, about my aunt's MIL (technically she's not even her MIL because she's only common-law with her guy... they're not officially married!) anyway, I am going to allow the "MIL" to come to the wedding because she's an old lady who usually just stays home, I'm doing it out of courtesy to the elderly.
As for my BM's brother.... I really want to disinvite him. He's seventeen, he doesn't need to go to a party where he doesn't know anyone. He'll probably just be bored... ugh.. any tips on how I can do this??
Eeek I'm so afraid of this. FI has only has one rude person run in, but I have not yet! I guess this is the time when brides have to learn how to say "No" but it's so hard especially if the person is standing right in from of you!
please, please be upfront with you BM and tell her due to space/money/whatever issues, you really can't afford to avoid to invite more people and she really put you in the spot when she asked in front of her brother. she's your bm, i'm sure you can talk about this with her.
Last night my Fiance' came home and said, (we'll call him Joe, one of his groomsmen) "Joe emailed me today and wanted to know if his two cousins could come to our wedding?" Seriuosly!?!?!? I looked at him speachless, I was shocked he even brought that home to me...
Yes, we had a lot of people do this. It was annoying because the offendors were comfortable doing it b/c they knew my parents were paying for the wedding and they know they are loaded, so they just assumed they could invite whoever they wanted. It pissed me off because I was actually in control of the guest list and we had a very small ballroom (picked on purpose so we wouldn't go crazy with costs) and I mean, I'd like to actually KNOW the people who are on the invite list, as crazy as that sounds!
My invites have not even gone out yet but ma Aunt and mom are doing the addresses now and my Aunt is trying to get me to add plus 1s to single adult relatives. I explained that the ettiquette states you need the name of the invitee and "guest" is not sufficient. My aunt feels that these guests (one in particular who is widowed) will most likely not bring anyone but insists we extend the +1 anyway. Sorry, I don't want to leave it open like that when number are tight. As it is, I need to invite the new wife of my mom's cousin who got married two weeks ago and I've never met! I would much rather fill open spaces with people we know than random guests of relatives.
This is such a touchy subject but I kind of agree with inviting single adults with + guest. If you were single or widowed would you want to go to a wedding alone? I'm not saying you're wrong or I'm right, just my opinion! I myself considered not inviting my single adults with + guests but I feel it's the right thing to do. Half of them won't bring anyone anyway...
I was told Saturday at a party that one of the couples we are inviting, the husband can't come, so the wife is bringing a friend... HUH? Umm OK. I guess since we are already expecting 2 to attend they thought this was OK.
Then, one of my co-workers literally just asked me if she could bring a guy friend with her. Um... I asked before I did the head count and seating chart if she would be bringing a date and she said no. GRRR...
But... the cake is taken by the mom's of our flower girls and ring bearers. We asked 4 families if we could use their oldest children. Each family informed us that we could not use oldest child unless their youngest child is also involved... Now, we have 5 FG and 3 RB.... instead of 2FG and 2 RB.
I would start deciding how your going to respond to all these people. like an actual scripted thing to say. I found alot of people asked me if they could bring a guest and luckily (even though i didn't think people would ask in the first place) i had a rehearsed and scripted answer. I don't like confrontation either, but that way you start to have the same message and reasoning to everyone that you turn away.
We had a general blanket rule of if your not living together, engaged or married you don't get a guest. usually even if you go to a wedding alone, you'd know people there. either family or friends, so its not really an issue.
How about a NON-guest inviting someone to your wedding? LOL Because this just happened to me. Long story short, he is a friend, but not close friend, but his sister, who IS a close friend was invited, so I guess he just assumed he was too. So not only did he text me and tell me he'd be there "with bells on" LOLOL, a few days before the wedding he said "i'll let you know by tomorrow if it's just gonna be me, or me plus one" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He did end up bringing someone, a girl I have no clue who she is. And this was a small wedding - only family and best friends. I still can't believe he didn't realize..... if he ever finds out he will just die! It's annoying, but also SO funny!
Why don't people understand that if they don't get an invitation that they are not invited? These events are not back yard bbq's where you can just bring friends.
I don't know if this is still an issue, but I would just talk to your BM privately one day and let her know that due to your venue's fire code you really can't allow extra people on the guest list and that this means that her brother will not be invited. I think blaming it on the fire code or saying your getting too many RSVPs back saying yes and therefore can't invite extra people will make it a little easier to tell her he can't come. Good luck!!!!
this is a common mishap in korean-american weddings.
last minute guests, uninvited guests, assumed guests, etc.
it's so annoying and that's why i've never had an actual "set #" of invitees and/or haven't tried to figure out how i'm going to do the table cards, etc.
i know this post is old, but relevant to me...
Brother of groom invited his roommates to our wedding with an akward permission.
I think its B.S. because extra guest is a lot of extra money. I am upset that he put my family in this situation. I was kinda bitch in that I said they had to dress nice and give us a gift, but these people are hardcore ghetto and I doubt they will fullfill this obligation.....
arg
We had one issue with FMIL but so far we haven't heard of any uninvited guests but some family members are known to do such things so I am a little worried. The issue we had with the FMIL was that she originally told us she wanted to invite two couples she was close to. My mom also wanted to invite two couples so it wasn't a big deal. FMIL emailed her list which was somewhat funny because she had an A & B list but most of the people we'd want to invite were on the B list. Since my family side is so large I didn't want them to feel like they didn't to invite as many people as me so we decided to invite her whole list. Then when we were visiting we were talking about how my fiancé wants to invite certain people and what not. She starts mentioning how now since she's been talking to people she wants to invite neighbors and coworkers and how he should invite all these people from the first college he went to and high school. With the time and date of our wedding I'm sure most people wouldn't want to go anyway unless they were close with us but I was pretty upset that she thought that was okay. We explained to her that our guest list was already at 120 with about 60 guests on each side and that we couldn't fit anymore. She started to protest but I was lucky and my fiancé stepped right in and told her that it's our wedding, we're the ones paying and to drop it.
Now I just have to hope that I don't get RSVP cards back with +4-7 added as I've heard stories about from other people. I'm just so glad that my fiancé has no qualms about being blunt with our parents and family. He said he'll take care of any of those issues, yay!
Crazy, craxy, crazy. People are CRAZY. What are they thinking?
We attended a memorial service for my fiance's aunt last month in another state. One of her friends, whom I had never even met before and my fiance doesn't much like, came up to us and said, "Congratulations! Let me know when the wedding is going to be - I may be in Florida, and I'd love to come!" Whaaaaatttt??? Who does that??????
Guest lists are wholly and entirely up to the HOST. We are paying for our own wedding, so only WE get to decide who will be there. And we absolutely, positively do not want anyone there whom we do not know (or like! LOL).
If someone is rude enough to invite themselves, or assume they can extend an invitation without my permission, I have absolutely no qualms about saying (very politely, and with a big smile on my face), "Oh, I'm so, so sorry, but it's a very intimate wedding and so-and-so is not on the guest list." Period.
I feel your pain, our RSVP-by date is the Feb 16th and we STILL havent gotten all our responses. And it was a struggle to get the ones we did, because people were like, huh? You gave us an invite of COURSE we are coming! Arrrgh! How am I supposed to magically know that if you don't r-e-s-p-o-n-d!
My FI and I were very careful to state, Mr and Mrs So-and-so or Mr X or Ms Y on our invites, hoping to cut down on this secondary invitee nonsense. Imagine FI's surprise when one of our guests calls to say she and her husband are coming, but they don't know if Brian can make it.
FI goes...Brian? (their ADULT son who was never even in our thoughts when we made up the guest list) and she says, oh never mind. Trying to slip one by us! She made FI seriously consider having someone at the door to check invites LOL.
UUGH All these stories make me so angry for you girls!!! And it makes me absolutely dread when I send out invites and start getting responses like this! I might start getting, dare I say it, a bit bridezilla-ish on some people!!
I wonder what the percentage of these people that invite themselves and or others have actually planned a wedding before...
I am having the same problem... We invited one of my fiance's neighbors and addressed the invite Mr.&Mrs. (not Mr.&Mrs.&Family) so why is it okay for them to write on the RSVP, that their daughter (who I don't even know) and her son will be attending as well?! It's rude!!
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Hello hive!
Have any of you had guests who decided to invite other people to your wedding??
One of my bridesmaids, whose parents and boyfriend I'm already inviting, have decided to invite her brother to the wedding as well.
Also, my aunt just told me that she'll be bringing her mother-in-law to our wedding. She didn't even ask me, she just told me!
I am wondering if anyone from the hive has experienced this and how you handled it?
Thanks!