Post # 1
Have any of you had guests who decided to invite other people to your wedding??
One of my bridesmaids, whose parents and boyfriend I’m already inviting, have decided to invite her brother to the wedding as well.
Also, my aunt just told me that she’ll be bringing her mother-in-law to our wedding. She didn’t even ask me, she just told me!
I am wondering if anyone from the hive has experienced this and how you handled it?
Post # 3
Oh yes. My aunt invited her best friend, same story she just told me. In this case I was okay with it because I really like her best friend, but if she were someone I didn’t know I was ready to say “sorry, but we have a very limited number of people we can invite. I’m afraid we can’t accomodate her. Please be sure to let her know as soon as possible”.
Post # 4
That’s absurd. Only the host can invite anyone, what they are doing is trying to force you to have to invite them because they’ve already told them about it. Don’t fall for it! It’s their rudeness to have said anything to their guests, not yours for holding your ground. Say to your aunt and bridesmaid: “I’m sure they’ll understand when you tell them it wasn’t your place to invite them and they cannot be accomodated”. You don’t have to justify your response with details like space or money, in fact don’t, because then they’ll try to get around you by offering to pay or something. The reason they can’t come is that you are in charge of the guest list and no one else, that’s all. I can’t believe people some times.
Post # 5
what?! people are so stupid! sorry you are dealing with this, but yes…typical!
Post # 6
Yeah, I had that happen. I contacted an old friend for her address and her parents address so I could send them an invite. She emailed me back and also made sure to let me know her brother was living with her parents and that I should invite him too (even though she didn’t invite my siblings to her wedding). I brushed it off and ignored it and then none of them even showed up for the wedding.
Post # 7
Ugh, my uncle (mom’s brother) invited my aunt’s (his wife) parents to our wedding. They live in Uzbekistan and will be visit for the 3 month period that our wedding falls in, so they’re bringing them on a cross country tour that culminates with my wedding and them flying out of nyc to get back home. Kinda annoyed that I now have to pay over $300 bucks for their dinner and stuff when i barely know them. (met them once at my uncle’s wedding).
Post # 8
Thanks ladies! Well, my bridesmaid asked me right in front of her brother! I told her that her parents are invited and she said “Ok. You’re inviting Alex too right??” I felt so awkward because she put me on the spot. So I just smiled and nodded like an idiot. I don’t like conflicts so I just brushed it off. But I am so uncomfortable that I now have to make room for her brother in my already-full guest list! 🙁
As for my aunt (she’s my mom’s sister but I’m not close to her at all) she emailed me and said “My mother-in-law is coming to your wedding. She’s really excited.” I haven’t replied, but I was shocked that she didn’t even ask me!! I already did her a favor by inviting her step-sons, whom I only see once a year and am not very close with. I just don’t want to fight with her, so I haven’t replied yet, but ugghh I am so uncomfortable with all of this!
Post # 9
It’s easy to invite other people when you’re not the one who’s paying for it. That’s my theory on the whole issue b/c I’m sure if roles were reversed that they’d be feeling the say way you do now. Your in a tough spot but if it’s not a big problem to include your aunt’s mother-in-law then just let it slide. But… do tell your aunt that she cannot invite anymore people w/o your permission going forth. It’s a nice compromise w/o stepping on toes.
Post # 10
I feel your pain. My sister-in-law (BM) who’s expecting forced along with her mom (my future MIL) to invite her MIL because she’ll be the one babysitting. Why should I be forced to feed her babysitter, a woman I’ve never met? MIL: “she’ll give you a gift, probably $100.” BM aka future SIL: “we’ll pay for her meal- why is this such a big deal?”
f you don’t ask and you force something on a bride it’s not acceptable! P.S. my brother and his wife (also in the wedding) are expecting and have already sorted out their babysitting issues so they can enjoy the wedding.
Post # 11
wow, this is so annoying. People just don’t think!! How could it not occur to them that extra people means extra money?? Well, at least they are giving you a heads-up about it.
I live in fear of the people that just show up unannounced. Very typical at Mexican weddings. I spread the word early that our guest list would be tight, so I’m hoping people get a clue.
Oh, and get this…FI actually called his brothers and sister to get their individual guest lists!! WHAT?! They each invited about 2-3 couples that we’ve never met (their co-workers)…insanity! he’s lucky I forgive easily…lol
Post # 12
Wow – that’s insane. We haven’t had any of that yet but I know it’s probably coming. You kinda backed yourself into a corner with the friend’s brother – I would invite him now, but I would def. voice your opinion to your friend too so she knows she put you in an awkward position.
Can you ask your Mom to handle your Aunt? That seems a little crazy to me. Is there a reason she should be coming?
Post # 13
That’s kind of insane… I feel your pain. One of my bridesmaids asked if her dad could come because he’s going to be in town. At this point, I don’t even care, because it’s easier to say yes than fight about it.
I think the only thing you can do when you’re put in awkward situations like that (ie, when they invite guests to your wedding right in front of you) is to maybe take your bridesmaid aside later and say that you really can’t accomodate her brother, or else just let him come if it’s feasible. Let her break the news to him. With your family, that’s tricky. It probably depends on your family, but I would probably have to just let that one go and let your aunt’s MIL come.
Post # 14
@ Miss Root – you’re so right, it’s easier to say yes than to fight about it… but it’s so unfair! As bridegirl put it, how does it not occur to these people that more people means more money! And how does it not occur to them that they have no right inviting these extra people?? Ughh.
So, about my aunt’s MIL (technically she’s not even her MIL because she’s only common-law with her guy… they’re not officially married!) anyway, I am going to allow the “MIL” to come to the wedding because she’s an old lady who usually just stays home, I’m doing it out of courtesy to the elderly.
As for my BM’s brother…. I really want to disinvite him. He’s seventeen, he doesn’t need to go to a party where he doesn’t know anyone. He’ll probably just be bored… ugh.. any tips on how I can do this??
Post # 15
Eeek I’m so afraid of this. FI has only has one rude person run in, but I have not yet! I guess this is the time when brides have to learn how to say “No” but it’s so hard especially if the person is standing right in from of you!
Post # 16
please, please be upfront with you BM and tell her due to space/money/whatever issues, you really can’t afford to avoid to invite more people and she really put you in the spot when she asked in front of her brother. she’s your bm, i’m sure you can talk about this with her.