Guests pulling out last minute – super frustrating!!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Last minute RSVPs - acceptable?
    Yes - things happen : (6 votes)
    19 %
    No - once you RSVP yes you should be there : (6 votes)
    19 %
    They better have a damn good excuse!! : (19 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1343 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    That’s pretty crazy… I think it’s pretty rude after they rsvp to then decline. I mean, you have already made arrangements for those extra 7 people. That could be a whole table. Did they give an excuse as to why? 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Ugh we had a few people pull out last minute and it sucked.  I was additionally frustrated by the fact that they didn’t even tell me, but just my MIL.  

    DH’s cousin requested the wrong day off (WTF?) so he and his girlfriend couldn’t come as of a few days before, and then the day before, DH’s uncle and aunt (parents of said cousin) decided they weren’t up to making the drive to the wedding.  Sigh.  The cousin was far enough in advance to change the seating chart around, but the second couple totally screwed up my seating chart so one table had four people while the rest had six or seven.  Not a huge deal, I guess, but certainly stressful and frustrating right before the wedding!

    At least they had excuses that, while flimsy, did make sense.  I’d be hella pissed if people just didn’t show up or backed out last minute for no reason at all.

    Post # 6
    Member
    8720 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Mrs-Sept-2013:  I had about 15 pull out the week of with a bunch of BS excuses. All I can say is try not to worry about them. My

    guest list was about 150 so 15 was about 10%. I honestly didnt miss any of them!!! I will be honest though….I dont have much to say to them now that they did that bc it was over $200 a person so some that pulled out if they were coming with a guest that was over $400 lost. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Mrs-Sept-2013:  The same thing just happened to us!! It was 3 people though and two had the same excuse you describe: charity event double booking. As simiar to you, invites went out months ago so this late in the game to decline is just rude.

    Is it possible to recoup those costs (i.e. catering or favors or etc?)?

    Post # 9
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Well, that just sucks.

    Nobody pulled out last minute for my wedding that I can think of, but 10 people out of my 96 person wedding RSVPed yes & then just didn’t show up & many are now overtly ignoring me.

    It’s incredibly rude. I hope your guests give you a good excuse, & if they don’t, then maybe an evaluation of whether the relationship with said people is worth continuing. That might seem harsh, but pulling out of attending a wedding with just 2 weeks to go is pretty rude & inconsiderate if it isn’t accompanied by a darn good reason.

    Post # 11
    Member
    145 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Yeah totally understand. One of my DH’s cousin and her fiance broke up about 3 weeks before the wedding, but didn’t tell us her FI would not be attending until the day before. I found that completely rude as we’d paid for his place and dinner and could have maybe invited another friend instead. Totally selfish to accept and then not tell people you aren’t coming. GRRRRR!!! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2830 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We’ve had a few of those. As well as people who never RSVPd, won’t respond to my attempts to contact them. Interestingly, those people are avoiding me like the plague at present. I think they’re ashamed of how they behaved and don’t currently know what to say to me. 2 of them I actually reached out to and they were both so relieved that I didn’t hate them. I didn’t respect that though, I thought “so, instead of manning up and apologizing for not keeping your word, you were just going to avoid me for the rest of your life? ok.” I have one who dropped out via email and asked me to call HER so we can talk about it. Ummm, NOT gonna happen. I’m a little busy planning a freaking wedding, not about to chase you around to hear the excuse you’ve been cooking up for at least 2 weeks now.

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