Guests RSVPing random add ons that weren't invited?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
5007 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

KayKPhillips:  Call them up (or have your mother) and let them know they cannot bring the grandkids. This is NOT you being rude, this is them being extremely rude! Say, “Unfortunately, your invite was just you for and your husband. We cant accomodate additional guests, Sorry”. 

Post # 3
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

Call them to let them know that you cannot accommodate the additional guests. That’s so strange. I would not want to go to a stranger’s wedding with my grandparents. 

Post # 5
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You certainly can undo what has been done, if you think it’s worth the fight with your mother.

I would personally call the couple and tell them that there must have been a misunderstanding – only 2 guests were invited and you will be unable to accommodate any other guests.

Post # 6
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You called your mon not the guests who RSVP’d with additional folks. That is not the same. Now what if the grandkids live with the grandparents like a guardianship relationship.  Be prepared to hear the kids must come.

Post # 7
milkcowBee
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - The Meeting House/DoubleTree by Hilton

I agree with PPs. You can definitely undo this – just call them (or have your mother call them) and tell them. But be totally honest when you talk to them – don’t say you’re not allowing kids when you’ll actually have kids there or tell them there is no more room and then allow others to bring extra guests. That’ll help avoid hard feelings. 

Post # 8
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

KayKPhillips:  Did you already call the woman who was invited? Or your mom?

Don’t back down!  Call her and say exactly what other bees have suggested.  “The invitation was for you and your husband, we unfortunately cannot accomodate anyone else.”  Hold your ground.

Post # 9
Member
30 posts
Newbee

Oh yeah I’ve had some fun ones. My aunt asked for a plus 1 for her son (my cousin) he didn’t ask me so I said no. I am not close with my cousin and last I heard he was recently divorced so I haven’t met his plus 1 and I didn’t want randoms at my wedding.  Then her other son (also my cousin) declined the invite so she told my mother that since son 2 wasn’t coming, there was room for son’s 1 plus 1. ALL of this was done over email and NONE of these fools has actually sent in thier damn RSVP cards. 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Certainly you can undo this act.

Call the people yourself “I am sorry, but there must have been a misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate extra guests. If that means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”

Do not make excuses or give reasons. There are always those people who will then take it upon themselves to solve your problem.

Post # 12
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This happened with some of my husbands family. We invited an aunt and a cousin and they added two people we didn’t know. I’m a total pushover though and I hate confrontation. We didn’t say anything.

Post # 11
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Contrary to what your mother is telling you, this is not acceptable at all.  In fact, it’s totally rude. If your mother won’t do it, I would not hesitate to call this person directly and tell her exactly what PPs have recommended, that you are sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but the invitation was meant just for them. You can’t accomodate the grandchildren. 

If they say they will no longer be able to attend, then tell them you will be very sorry to miss them.

Post # 13
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

KayKPhillips:  your mom is right in saying “people just do it all the time” but that doesnt mean its acceptable or you have to allow it. Its rude…period (I had several people add on guests)….What I would do is actually contact them and explain that you do have a certain constraint on how many people you can invite and that you have family members that need to come first before you can extend any extras.

I mean really if EVERYONE had the same mentality you would have double the guests… its rude and presumptuous for people who arnt even friends of the B or G to add on extras…. when its family like an aunt who wants to bring your little cousins its one thing but seriously!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  shanbp.
Post # 15
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

KayKPhillips:  They aren’t really such tough calls to make  from my point of view.  If someone has the nerve to overstep,  they are the ones who were rude and should feel awkward, not you. 

Thinking about it, since the invitations came from you, you are probably the one who ought to call these people directly.  If it came from your parents, it might  be as if you were all talking behind their backs.  

We had one person who added a guest.  It was no big deal to call and correct their misunderstanding and they were actually very nice and apologetic about it. 

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