Post # 1
My aunt just messaged me asking if she and her daughter (one of the flowergirls) would be able to stay at my mom’s house for the wedding. (They live about 4 hours away.) I live at home right now, and there’s no guest room or anything.
I’m planning on my MoH sleeping on an air mattress in the "office," but that’s because she’s dropping a lot more money for this wedding and is planning on coming in town early to help out the week of. She has literally *no* money to spare, she’s doing a full-time internship right now that’s unpaid so she’s got little time to actually work but still has bills to pay. She can’t exactly afford a hotel room for almost a week on top of all the other expenses.
With my aunt, the FG dress was only $15, so it’s not like she can argue she spent a ton for her daughter to be in it. She would have come to the wedding anyway, but I doubt she would have asked to stay with us if she weren’t in it. Theoretically, I could let her bring her own air mattress and stay in the (finished) basement. It’s cold year-round but it’d be do-able.
But I think it’d be very stressful to have even more people in the house. My mom and I both are very stressed out by being around people too much, I’m not even thrilled about having my MoH staying with us, much as I appreciate everything. It would also be very inconvenient to have a 5-year-old sleeping in the room we have to go through to get to the garage. Add to that the fact that it opens the door for other peole wanting to stay with us (one of my BM’s will probably want to), and I *really* don’t want to let her stay here.
I’m planning on reserving a block of hotels to try to get the guests a better rate. Is it unreasonable to tell her that’s what she’ll need to do? I know she doesn’t have a ton of money, but she’s not totally broke either, and she would have come regardless of whether her daughter was in the wedding, so I don’t think that’s a valid argument. I dunno. I feel really bad telling her no, but I think it’d be horribly stressful to have them in the house, so I’m confused.
Are you having any guests stay at your house? Would you let someone in this situation?
Post # 3
We are having a guest stay with my parents.
She is coming from Germany (our wedding is in Michigan) and my parents invited her to stay.
Honestly, I think you should just tell your aunt that you would love her to stay, but there isn’t any additional room, and you have reserved a block of hotel rooms for just that purpose. Maybe she thinks it would be fun to stay over, because her daughter would get to see what a wedding is really like!
Just be honest and let her know whats going on. I don’t think she’d be offened if there isn’t room for her to stay.
AND- if you let her stay, you might have to let more people stay. Other people might ask as well.
Post # 4
Just say no! Tell her you wish you could host her, but the house is already filled to capacity. If you think $ is an issue you could 1) see if any friends have a spare room and are willing to pu someone up or 2) try to match her up with someone to share a hotel room with or 3) if you can afford it, help her out with the cost of her room. Otherwise, tell her that you got a special rate, but be firm, the last thing you need on your wedding day is too many people in your house! You don’t owe her accomodations so don’t start feeling guilty/responsible for this.
Post # 5
I told my mom in advance- no company before the wedding. It was a full house as it was with me, my parents, my sister and my BIL. I wasn’t gonna be standing in line for the only bathroom the day of my wedding!
Just tell you’re Aunt that it would be too overwhelming.
Are there other relatives for family friends she can stay with?
Is there anyone looking to share a hotel room that would help defray the cost?
Post # 6
Yes, I think it is perfectly fine to tell her there isn’t any room. This must be your mom or dad’s sister. Why doesn’t she ask them. can they tell her. You really don’t need to be bothered by all of this.
If she is strapped to pay for a hotel room, see if you or your parents can offer to pay for a portion. Or perhaps if there is another family member to stay with.
Post # 7
I think it’s totally reasonable to not let your aunt plus daughter stay at your house, especially if there is no room. Be polite but succinct, don’t say that there is technically room in the basement but it’s inconvenient and cold, etc etc…she might just push back and say "oh really, we don’t take up much room, we could stay anywhere, we don’t mind, anything to save us money is worth it!"
I was very apologetic but direct with friends that asked to stay at our place…one friend asked me multiple times (and I said no each time) and even had the gall to ask me to find a friend she could stay with! Eesh.
Post # 8
Thank you all! I was afraid I was being really selfish about this, you made me feel a lot better.
I’ll definitely mention seeing if someone else might be willing to split a room. The BM I mentioned might be, if her husband isn’t coming. I can’t find any other family to house her, because it’s my dad’s sister, and my parents are divorced. My mom’s still on very good terms with everyone, but my mom’s family is nasty about my dad sometimes still (not sure why, it was an amicable divorce). And all the in-town family is my mom’s, the OOT is all my dad’s. Stinking divorced families complicate weddings SO much!
Thanks again! Really, really appreciate it!
Post # 9
My family is large and from out of state. This is the 3rd wedding on one side of the family in 5 months, and the second on my other side of the family in the same amount of time. There will be people in my living room, basement, dining room, but I knew that would happen going in. I am happy they are coming, not too eager to have my house become a make-shift hotel. The compromise, I traded bedrooms with my parents so I have the largest room in the house to myself for the night before the wedding and the wedding day.
Post # 10
My one of town bridesmaid is staying with me two nights prior to the wedding then the night of the wedding she is moving to the hotel. That is it no one else because I don’t want my family members stressing me out.
Post # 11
my house was a hotel too! my aunt and her son came from across the world two weeks before (I knew this)… our friends from another state weren’t sure until close to the wedding what they would do with accomodations and finally decided to ask if they could stay with us. That was TWO FAMILIES. one with 2 teenagers and a 10 year old and the other with our ring bearer and flower girl…. not to mention, my other aunt and her son (also from across the world) surprised us a week before the wedding by saying they booked tickets! oh, and my brother and his wife were there too.
I have to say I was a little worried when I found out all these people would be there because I didn’t have a room…. but it was the best memory i had from the days leading up. We had a huge new year’s party and enjoyed the company. they actually made it fun and made me feel like there was a wedding to plan! they even helped with last minute DIY projects. I did stay the night before the wedding at the hotel with my bridesmaids so that was really perfect. 🙂