Guests that don't RSVP?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

You have to bite the bullet and call the non-responders AND the maybes.  Make it clear that you have to give a count to the caterers and for the set up.  If they don’t answer the phone just leave a message telling them– you will really miss them, but if you don’t hear from them by tomorrow afternoon you will assume they won’t be coming.  Call the “maybe’s” (How infuriating and rude!) and let them know the same thing.

My experience with helping others with their weddings is that a number of “yes’s” won’t show up and that will make up for the non-responders showing up.  

I think seating charts are a bad idea and unnecessary.  If you want to reserve a table for family do that with a sign on the table, but let people sit where they want to.  It will make your planning so much easier! And your guests will be happier too!

Post # 3
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Send them one more message saying if you have not heard by x date then unfortunately you will have to count them as a no RSVP. 

If they do turn up on your wedding day then smile graciously and stick them on the odd table at the back. Most places have extra meals and places set. 

Post # 4
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

if they never responded to my calls, texts and e-mails, then i took it as a ‘no’ and did not reserve a place for them. 

Post # 5
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

NowraJanBride:  I agree with the others BUT your venue should account for at least 5% more than what you give them (thats what ours said). Good luck! 

Post # 6
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Wow, that’s really annoying! I agree with PPs that you should hound them and give ultimatums to all of the non-responses and maybes.

Post # 8
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It may seem rude, but this isn’t a casual get-together… this is a WEDDING.  It is very expensive, very difficult to coordinate, and involves a LOT of outside people (caterer, venue, etc. etc.).

You need to tell the no’s that you will need a definite response by X date or there will not be room for them.  You also need to get a little real with the maybe’s and tell them that, unfortunately, weddings do not work that way and as you are coordinating with a lot of outside vendors such as a caterer (who will NOT have extra food if extra people show up), you will need a definitive answer.

I would use the caterer and venue as “scapegoats” if you’re worried about backlash.  It’s not me – it’s the caterer!  My hands are tied!  The deadline is set by the venue!  Whatever.

If people take it as rude… I don’t know what to tell you.  Some of them might – and they will get over it.  Sadly, you sometimes just can’t make people understand that it’s rude in the first place to leave you hanging when you’re trying to pay for them to eat and drink and party!

Post # 9
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If people take it as being rude, you can tell them not RSVP’ing is just as rude.

Post # 10
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

NowraJanBride:  Your mum thinks you would be rude to do that? What about how the guests are being rude by not RSVPing? I would remind her of that fact and then tell the maybes that unfortunately unless they can tell you a definite answer by x date then you will have to mark them down as a no. If they think that is rude then I don’t know what to tell you aside from they are wrong.

Post # 11
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

We all like to be as accommodating as possible, but it is just not considerate of people to leave you hanging like that. Your mom thinks it’s rude because if this were just a birthday party at your place, it WOULD be rude. But as PPs pointed out, this is not any party, it’s a wedding that involves lots of moving parts & money at risk.

Post # 12
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

NowraJanBride:  Absolutely not – you do not need to let people who were too lazy and rude to RSVP to your wedding just “rock up” and grab a $200 plate of food. That sense of entitlement on their part and lack of regard for your time and energy is horrendous. As for telling them that there’s a definite cut off date, that’s totally within your rights and might help them figure out their other plans more quickly. 

My FI and I are doing “rolling invites” with two RSVP dates – the first wave will have an RSVP deadline well in advance of the second. We both have large families so as our family members decline, we will be able to invite friends. We’ve agreed to follow up with our late responders once and let them know there’s an absolute cut off date, which will be a week before we send out invites to the second group (not that they’ll know that bit). 

The other thing is that our venue can literally only host 80 people for a sit down dinner (and that’s a tight fit!) so if anyone who didn’t respond decides to turn up, they aren’t getting a seat. 

Post # 13
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

liameowchelle:  That is definitely a tight fit! The venue we had formerly picked out was capacity 80 (max 90) and I was tearing my hair out about the guest list..

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