guests that straight-up lied on/about their RSVP

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anonybee0810:  If I have learned anything during this process, it’s that the whole concept of RSVP seems lost on an awful lot of people out there. We had a couple of people tell us they’d mailed it, but we never received it. One I totally believe, because I know she is the type of person to rsvp immediately; the other, I’m 50/50 about whether or not to believe her. It’s sad to even thinkabout.

We didn’t have any other lies, but we did have people add +1s they weren’t given, and flat-out not return the rsvp card at all. I had one person not return his rsvp, then text to tell me we’d spelt his GF’s name wrong – which is the kind of thing someone can easily point out ON THE RSVP CARD by writing in the proper spelling. Duh. We had a lot of people tell us, “Oh, you know I’m coming!” After the 10th time I’d heard that, my brain was exploding. We pre-labeled and prestamped each and every one of those envelopes. Short of filling it out for them too, I’m not sure how we could have made it any easier.

Going forward, we know who we will continue to invite to things, and who we maybe will not.

Post # 4
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@anonybee0810:  I’m not sure what being a Bride or groom has to do with it. Why approach anyone and lie?

Post # 5
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SeaSalt:  Good point. I think ultimately, people lie to avoid something uncomfortable, or to avoid embarrassment. In OP’s case, someone felt bad about having to say no, so they said yes (which is crazy, btw) to avoid the discomfort of declining. In another case, someone forgot to mail their invitation, was embarrassed, and lied about it. I want to say it’s super-pathetic, but it’s so NORMAL these days that it didn’t surprise me at all. That makes me sad.

Post # 7
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We are pretty lucky with our RSVP count right now, but in general people are horrible when it comes to RSVPs. Birthday parties, weddings, you name it. However, it does irritate me a lot that people wait until the ultimate last minute.

I could understand about the name spelling thing…my fiance received an invite (addressed to him alone) and they completely butchered his first name and the last name wasn’t even close to what his last name is. I felt it was rude. Take the time to clarify how a name is spelled.

Post # 8
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

RSVPs probably took 2nd-place in terms of our biggest stress-inducers. 

Aside from people flat-out not responding, I am still angry at one who lied by saying YES, she was coming.  She ended up being a no-show, and we later found out it was for the lamest reason ever (“I met a new guy and decided to hang out with him for the weekend instead, and oh, by the way, how was the wedding?”). 

As for your Case 2, the woman COULD have been telling the truth.  You sometimes hear about how old letters/postcards finally arrive at the recipient’s address after 20-30-40 YEARS.  The USPS ain’t perfect – things still do get lost in the mail.

Post # 10
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@anonybee0810:  RSVPs are funny.  I was just at my cousin’s house this morning- who hasn’t RSVPed formally to my shower, but she’s attending, and I always knew she would.  We haven’t gotten an RSVP for the wedding from them, either- but there’s still a month for the dealine (I sent them out early because it’s not breaking an “etiquette” rules- and we’ve actually gotten a ton of them back.  I might never get an RSVP from my cousin though- her daughter in the the wedding so of course they will be there!!

In case #1 and #3- it just seems silly.  In case #2- although you know her well- she totally may have lied–I will say that I know for a fact things get lost in the mail- they can be lost before they are postmarked, after they postmarked- and sadly, it happens more often than you think.  I have had checks worth thousands of dollars be delayed in the mail- only to cancel them and have new ones issued after a solid month, and of course the day I cancel, they arrive- wrinkled, like they were list inbetween the seats of the driver’s truck.

I have a least that we mailed- AT THE POST OFFICE- on the way to my sister’s wedding- it never arrived (I know I think my landlord thought I was lying- but we for sure mailed it!!)

My FI works at the post-office– so it’s interesting to hear how things work there!

Post # 11
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

wow, you had an early deadline.  my wedding is 10/19 and my deadline isn’t until 10/1.

i don’t know if anyone lied to us.  FI’s cousin said she mailed it.  i told her we didn’t receive it.  her daughter said it was filled out but might not have been mailed.  cousin said she would mail that week.  we still haven’t received it. 

i’m not worried.

i am waiting for 2 responses from my side and 15 from FI’s side.

Post # 12
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’ve experienced the same thing, only I did it to someone else!!!  I completely thought I’d sent in the RSVP, until weeks later, when I found it at the bottom of my work bag.  Oops!  Maybe something similar happened.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors