Post # 1
Did any of you ladies have a guest (or guests) that straight-up lied to your face about or on the RSVP? Now that the last of our RSVPs have come in, I’ve had a chance to reflect on how the process went. I am completely mind-blown by how many people lied to us about or on their RSVPs.
Case 1: FI’s cousin told us about a month before the RSVP deadline that she had mailed it to us. When the deadline passed with no RSVP from them, FI called her up and she admitted that she had never sent it at all. Why lie in the first place? He’s not the type to give her hell for not sending it. Ultimately, she did RSVP “yes” on the phone and then mailed back the RSVP almost two weeks after the deadline has passed.
Case 2: My friend’s mom approached me at the bridal shower (which, again, was over a month before the RSVP deadline) and asked me if I had received her RSVP yet. I told her I hadn’t and she said she had sent it a couple days before and I should be receiving it any day now. It came in just after the deadline, over a month later. It’s obvious that she never sent it when she said she did – we had lots of people in her area that sent them and we received them in under 3 days. So why lie about it? I didn’t ask her about it, she approached ME.
Case 3: Fi’s friend told FI that she would be coming when she spoke with him on the phone. Then she sent in a “yes” RSVP. THEN she told their mutual friend that she had always known she would not be able to make it, and thought we would be angry at her for saying so. She called three days after the deadline to say that actually, couldn’t make it.
I know it’s silly to dwell on these things, given that the wedding is so close and I have a million other things to occupy my time/mind, but honestly… I just don’t understand the point of approaching the bride/groom and flat-out lying. We didn’t chase anyone down, we never asked the status of anyone’s RSVP or their intentions.
Anyone experience anything similar?
Post # 3
@anonybee0810: If I have learned anything during this process, it’s that the whole concept of RSVP seems lost on an awful lot of people out there. We had a couple of people tell us they’d mailed it, but we never received it. One I totally believe, because I know she is the type of person to rsvp immediately; the other, I’m 50/50 about whether or not to believe her. It’s sad to even thinkabout.
We didn’t have any other lies, but we did have people add +1s they weren’t given, and flat-out not return the rsvp card at all. I had one person not return his rsvp, then text to tell me we’d spelt his GF’s name wrong – which is the kind of thing someone can easily point out ON THE RSVP CARD by writing in the proper spelling. Duh. We had a lot of people tell us, “Oh, you know I’m coming!” After the 10th time I’d heard that, my brain was exploding. We pre-labeled and prestamped each and every one of those envelopes. Short of filling it out for them too, I’m not sure how we could have made it any easier.
Going forward, we know who we will continue to invite to things, and who we maybe will not.
Post # 4
@anonybee0810: I’m not sure what being a Bride or groom has to do with it. Why approach anyone and lie?
Post # 5
@SeaSalt: Good point. I think ultimately, people lie to avoid something uncomfortable, or to avoid embarrassment. In OP’s case, someone felt bad about having to say no, so they said yes (which is crazy, btw) to avoid the discomfort of declining. In another case, someone forgot to mail their invitation, was embarrassed, and lied about it. I want to say it’s super-pathetic, but it’s so NORMAL these days that it didn’t surprise me at all. That makes me sad.
Post # 6
You’re right – why approach anyone and lie? As far as someone lying to avoid something uncomfortable, this is why the case of my friend’s mother is mind-blowing to me, as well as FI’s cousin. It’s not like we put them on the spot by asking them what the status was, or were even discussing the RSVP topic with them. They brought it up, and I wouldn’t have thought anything of it if they had said nothing at all until the deadline hit.
As far as the concept of the RSVP being lost on people – tell me about it. My aunt actually called up my mom and asked why I NEED the pre-stamped, pre-addressed RSVP back because “she already SAID she MIGHT be coming”. And she didn’t lose it – we received it the week after the deadline passed. Absurd.
Post # 7
We are pretty lucky with our RSVP count right now, but in general people are horrible when it comes to RSVPs. Birthday parties, weddings, you name it. However, it does irritate me a lot that people wait until the ultimate last minute.
I could understand about the name spelling thing…my fiance received an invite (addressed to him alone) and they completely butchered his first name and the last name wasn’t even close to what his last name is. I felt it was rude. Take the time to clarify how a name is spelled.
Post # 8
RSVPs probably took 2nd-place in terms of our biggest stress-inducers.
Aside from people flat-out not responding, I am still angry at one who lied by saying YES, she was coming. She ended up being a no-show, and we later found out it was for the lamest reason ever (“I met a new guy and decided to hang out with him for the weekend instead, and oh, by the way, how was the wedding?”).
As for your Case 2, the woman COULD have been telling the truth. You sometimes hear about how old letters/postcards finally arrive at the recipient’s address after 20-30-40 YEARS. The USPS ain’t perfect – things still do get lost in the mail.
Post # 9
You’re right – I have considered that she was telling the truth. It just seemed very covenient that the RSVP just-so-happened to show up within a day or two of the deadline. Seemed much more likely that she realized what day it was like the day before the deadline and hastily shoved it in the mail at that time.
As for your story, my friend did the exact same thing at our mutual friend’s wedding a couple years ago. She lived out of the province, flew home for the wedding, and then decided literally the day before that she would rather hang out with a friend and not pay $12 for the greyhound then come to the wedding she had flown home for. She never told the bride, either, just asked me to approach her during the wedding and let her know friend wasn’t there and was sorry.
Post # 10
@anonybee0810: RSVPs are funny. I was just at my cousin’s house this morning- who hasn’t RSVPed formally to my shower, but she’s attending, and I always knew she would. We haven’t gotten an RSVP for the wedding from them, either- but there’s still a month for the dealine (I sent them out early because it’s not breaking an “etiquette” rules- and we’ve actually gotten a ton of them back. I might never get an RSVP from my cousin though- her daughter in the the wedding so of course they will be there!!
In case #1 and #3- it just seems silly. In case #2- although you know her well- she totally may have lied–I will say that I know for a fact things get lost in the mail- they can be lost before they are postmarked, after they postmarked- and sadly, it happens more often than you think. I have had checks worth thousands of dollars be delayed in the mail- only to cancel them and have new ones issued after a solid month, and of course the day I cancel, they arrive- wrinkled, like they were list inbetween the seats of the driver’s truck.
I have a least that we mailed- AT THE POST OFFICE- on the way to my sister’s wedding- it never arrived (I know I think my landlord thought I was lying- but we for sure mailed it!!)
My FI works at the post-office– so it’s interesting to hear how things work there!
Post # 11
wow, you had an early deadline. my wedding is 10/19 and my deadline isn’t until 10/1.
i don’t know if anyone lied to us. FI’s cousin said she mailed it. i told her we didn’t receive it. her daughter said it was filled out but might not have been mailed. cousin said she would mail that week. we still haven’t received it.
i’m not worried.
i am waiting for 2 responses from my side and 15 from FI’s side.
Post # 12
I’ve experienced the same thing, only I did it to someone else!!! I completely thought I’d sent in the RSVP, until weeks later, when I found it at the bottom of my work bag. Oops! Maybe something similar happened.