Guests thinking they don't have to RSVP

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should all guests send back their RSVP
    Yes, no exceptions : (44 votes)
    83 %
    Doesn't matter as long as you know if they're coming or not : (9 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee

    MissyDarcy:  Not at all.  If you extended the invitations by word of mouth, then they could RSVP by word of mouth.  But, since you mailed invitations, they must respond either by mail or by another method (online, etc.) that you indicate. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    148 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - county fairgrounds

    For me I have charts upon charts for who’s attending who’s not who hasn’t responded who’s attending with children etc. I personally don’t care if get the card back as long as I know a 100% answer from them but several (including my mama ask me when they’ve rsvp’d via phone or in person if I would like them to still send me the card)  a girl I worked with was the maid of honor in a friends wedding (so she obviously knew she was coming) ask her to still return the card bc it helped her with the sitting chart. It all depends on what makes sense for you and helps you organize. So either ask them to send them anyways or figure out another organizational method. Good luck

    Post # 4
    Member
    42538 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It’s a given that people should rsvp, but it is amazing how many Bees admit they have failed to rsvp themselves at one time or another. It seems they only realized its’ importance when they planned their own wedding.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2915 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    when i had people verbally rsvp, i would just tell them, “ok, i’ll lookout for the response card in the mail!” and hope they got the hint (they usually did). but if people were still trying to justify not sending the card back (or were just late rsvp-ers) i’d tell them i was using the rsvp cards to aid me in the seating chart and escort cards, so if they wanted a seat at my reception, they needed to send the card back.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    I say yes if you need to know meals/allergies, etc. 

    For us, it’s just an accept/regret deal.  Sometimes (for some folks) it’s not worth the fight to get them to drop it in the mail.  So instead, we accept a verbal “yes” or “no”… 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I told people we needed the cards for record-keeping. Mostly because there were options on the card (like if you wanted to ride the shuttle or not). It was SHOCKING how many people couldn’t drop the card in the mail. Out of 99 cards, we got 87 back and then had to drag answers out of everyone else.

    Post # 8
    Member
    549 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    The last wedding I attended I misplaced the card so I rsvp’d the day of the deadline via text. I didn’t feel that bad bc the return envelopes werent even stamped.

    Personally for my wedding there will be no exceptions and the invitation will state such. I want it at a private estate with a lake surrounding it and will have security with a guest list. If names aren’t on the guest list (bc they didn’t rsvp) they won’t be permitted onto the estate grounds. It must be done that way because my family thinks everything involving free food and drinks is a ‘just show up, dressed however, and bring 5 of your friends’ type of event. Nope. Not happening.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5017 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    MissyDarcy:  Nope. My dad’s girlfriend’s daughter didn’t respond at all. When I had her mom ask her, she replied, “I didn’t think I needed to respond – you know I’ll be there.” What really got me was that we needed food selections beforehand – um, what? Were we supposed to choose what you want also?

    It’s so rude – I was amazed by people’s rudeness! Some RSVPs we didnt get back at all (even after phone calls and emails)…. it was a major annoyance, lol! How hard is it to return a stamped envelope?!?!!?!?

    Post # 10
    Member
    2704 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    MissyDarcy:  Not unreasonable at all. Thankfully I have a couple months before I’m in your position. It seems like it happens with everyone. Annoying. Hope you get your cards back!

    Post # 11
    Member
    943 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We even had the option to RSVP online. We still had to track people down, and then one relative even said she couldn’t RSVP because we didn’t provide a stamp. Um, you don’t need a stamp on the internet.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you need menu selections, then they need to return them (though even then I guess a text with menu selections would work). But if it’s simply whether they’ll attend (which is the case for every single wedding invitation I’ve ever received), I don’t see the point – a verbal response is fine. So long as you know who’s attending, I don’t think this is worth stressing over.

    Post # 13
    Member
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    MissyDarcy:  I don’t think that’s unreasonable! That stuff adds up. My fiancé has already told people that if they don’t send their RSVP card back then he won’t let them in. He said if they can’t be bothered to write their name, check a box, & put it in the mail then he can’t be bothered to let them come

    Post # 14
    Member
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    MissyDarcy:  No, I think that your expectations are fine. I actually had to tell my mother that she still needed to give us the RSVP back lol (it helps keep track of who picks what food). However, I won’t go crazy if someone verbally tells me. What actually drove me crazy was I received one reply where my cousin and his wife indicated they were coming and put that she has a severe glutten allergy but no indication of what dish either of them would like to eat lol! I don’t have any of their contact info except for mailing address so I am waiting to get an email or phone number so I can contact them directly.

    Post # 15
    Member
    535 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Not unreasonable at all. I received a text from my mother telling me that my sister was on her case because she hadn’t sent her response card in (which is funny because my deadline isn’t until 10/1) and asking me if she really needed to send it in because “Of course she’d be there”. I told her I did need it because I needed her meal selection.  As a sidenote, she also told me she thought it was silly that I sent her an STD because she wouldnt miss it for the world.  She’s aquirky one.

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