Guests who don’t RSVP…and my solution.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sounds like something I would do 🙂  Good for you!

I find it so incredibly rude when a person doesn’t RSVP, especially after several attempts were made to contact them.

Post # 4
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My plan is this (because I KNOW people won’t RSVP) – you get ONE email and/or phone call a week after the RSVP deadline. If no response, you’re not coming. There will be no seat for you, there will be no food for you, and you have yourself to blame for not doing what is the simplest thing in the world – checking a freakin box and putting something PRE-STAMPED into the mail.

Post # 5
Member
6664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

That is really funny!! I love it. Yes you are totally right it is so incredably rude to ignore a wedding invitation and even worse to continue to ignore follow up attempts. We had guests do this and end up showing up to the wedding! Some guests had the gall to not send back the RSVP, not respond to our calls or emails then the WEEK OF tell our PARENTS they were coming and bringing a guest!!

This is how we handled it. We did try to follow up with people who we actually thought might come. If they didn’t respond, we assumed they weren’t coming. But we had extra place cards made up just in case and there was actually an extra table at our reception we ended up seating all of these rude people. So a lot of people had a blank escort card, but at least they had a table number.

And keep in mind that people will constantly change their minds from now until the day of your wedding about whether they’re coming or not. All of the undecided people will only come out of th ewoodwork about a week before and only if their response is YES, if it’s no you will probably never hear from them again. So you will have to keep changing the seating chart anyway. The best you can do now is get a general idea of where you want people and the makeup of tables.

Post # 6
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Do you not need a head count for your caterer?  That is the only thing I would be worried about, but if you don’t need one then I think your plan is golden!

Post # 7
Member
6664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

That is really funny!! I love it. Yes you are totally right it is so incredably rude to ignore a wedding invitation and even worse to continue to ignore follow up attempts. We had guests do this and end up showing up to the wedding! Some guests had the gall to not send back the RSVP, not respond to our calls or emails then the WEEK OF tell our PARENTS they were coming and bringing a guest!!

This is how we handled it. We did try to follow up with people who we actually thought might come. If they didn’t respond, we assumed they weren’t coming. But we had extra place cards made up just in case and there was actually an extra table at our reception we ended up seating all of these rude people. So a lot of people had a blank escort card, but at least they had a table number.

And keep in mind that people will constantly change their minds from now until the day of your wedding about whether they’re coming or not. All of the undecided people will only come out of th ewoodwork about a week before and only if their response is YES, if it’s no you will probably never hear from them again. So you will have to keep changing the seating chart anyway. The best you can do now is get a general idea of where you want people and the makeup of tables.

Post # 8
Member
5902 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

wait so does that mean the people who DID rsvp can get screwed too if the people who didn’t rsvp take all the seats first? i’m confused.

Post # 9
Member
13102 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I wouldn’t recommend you do that (although I can understand the frustration at the delinquent RSVPers).  As a guest, I HATE having open seating.  It’s so awkward trying to find enough space to sit with your friends, SO, etc and everyone is scrammbling.  Then if you’re one of the last in you end up stuck at tables with people you don’t even know or SOs get split up since there are only single seats left everywhere.  It’s a nightmare.

Basically, by doing open seating, you’re penalizing all of those guests the DID RSVP to you.  Doesn’t sound like such a great idea to me ……

Post # 10
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

I understand your frustration, but how about just have assigned tables for those that RSVPed and let the others who didn’t fight over the extra tables (of course located in a less desirable area lol).  It doesn’t seem fair to penalize those that did RSVP.  I hate not to have an assigned table. 

Post # 11
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m in the same boat! My RSVP deadline is next week. So far, I’ve only received replies from about half of guests and I can’t imagine getting the other half in a week. Like you, I’m marveling about peoples’ inability to accomplish a really simple task and am not sure how I’ll handle non-responders.

However, I’m opposed to not having assigned seating because the people who suffer are those who don’t know many other guests at the wedding (and those may not be the same guests who didn’t RSVP).

My MOH recently attended a wedding where she and her husband didn’t know anyone except bride and groom. There was no assigned seating, so friends and family stuck together without including people outside their social group. My friend wound up leaving before dinner was served.

I really want my guests to feel welcome and included, and I want to throw a good party. One way to facilitate this is by putting thought into the seating arrangements.

Have your mom or other family members follow up with the non-responders if you’ve had enough. Or, send one last email, “Sorry you can’t make it to the wedding. Since we haven’t heard from you we assume you won’t be joining us.” to see what that stirs up. But really carefully consider whether ditching assigned seating is the best solution.

Post # 13
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

I would still assigned tables to those who RSVPed and not worry about those that didn’t.  I wouldn’t leave empty spaces at any tables.  If you didn’t respond you don’t get a guaranteed seat.  That’s it. 

Post # 14
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

The reason people don’t RSVP, besides laziness, is because they believe the people hosting will still allow them to come and have seats for them so why should they bother RSVPing?

Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Post # 15
Member
13102 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@LadyJDAG: you still ought to make seating assignments.  Assume that everyone you haven’t heard from is a “No” and then make full tables from there.  After you are done, add a few extra tables in the back for all of the non-RSVPers (they don’t deserve ideal seating if they can’t get back to you anyway).

I also think you should try to call those who haven’t RSVPed.  Emails get lost and overlooked; people are MUCH more likely to respond ot a phone call.

Post # 16
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t blame you, but what about your caterer?  You don’t have to give them a head count?  That would be my only fear, but I totally get where you’re coming from for sure lol

Leave a comment


Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors