Post # 1
We sent out our STD addressing our guests using their first names (hand-written by me). If they’re really close friends/family, we even used their nicknames. We wanted these to be casual and personal, so it’s all good.
Now here’s the problam. We have formal invitations for our formal event. How do we address them?
I am a doctor, hubby is not. I decided to omit my title on our invitations.
We have guests who are doctors and here is where the confusion lies:
1. Husband doctor + wife not doctor = Dr. and Mrs… That’s easy.
2. Husband not doctor + wife doctor = How do you address that?
3. We have friends who are medical doctors abroad, but work different jobs here.
4. We have friends who are medical doctors abroad AND here.
5. Do I have to tease out the rest of the guest list and try addressing the PhD doctors, engineers and lawyers? I’m not really familiar with addressing these other professionals in social functions.
6. Do I have to put these titles in the invitations, seating chart, and place cards?
Culturally, we do pay attention to titles and such. But this is an inter-cultural/inter-racial marriage and realizing that majority of title-holders are women, as opposed to men. I do not want to be disrespectful to my mentors and not address them accordingly. But that might mean picking out all the doctors (and other professionals) among our guests and addressing them too.
Any thoughts, suggestions will be highly appreciated!
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
We had a situation where the wife had the title and the husband did not. Our calligrapher handled all of the ettiquette rules for us, and according to the calligrapher, whomever has the title goes first. If a PhD prefers to be referred to ad “Dr.”, that’s fine. If they prefer not to, then there is no need to refer to them as such. Likewise, if a lawyer presers to be addressed as mr. E. Smith, Esq., then use that. but if Mr. E. Smith never uses that in his signature, then there is no need to add the “Esq.” to his invitation.
Post # 4
We have about 25 doctors invited of all sorts of combination.
Husband & Wife doctors were addressed as The Drs. Last Name
Husband Doctor, Wife Non Doctor were addressed as Dr. and Mrs. Last Name
Husband Non-Doctor, Wife Doctor..this one is tricky. Etiquette says put the wife’s name first as the Doctor (i.e. the person with the title goes first)… but that just sounded weird. We wound up doing Mr. Husband First Name Last Name and Dr. Wife First Name Last Name.
We have some PhDs in process but nobody done yet.
For the escort cards, we will be putting Dr. titles. Went to a wedding recently and one of their escort cards didn’t have Dr. and it was a big to-do.
Post # 5
2. Outer envelope: Dr. Sarah Smith and Mr. James Stewart
Inner envelope: Dr. Smith and Mr. Stewart
3. If they are considered medical doctors by another country, but have taken a different profession here, I would still use “Dr.” as doctors carry their titles throughout their lives; meaning that for a retired doctor you would still use “Dr.”
4. This would be the same as the other rules for doctors.
5. At social functions engineers and lawyers do not need special titles, they are just standard Mr., Ms. or Mrs.
6. Etiquette says that yes, you should use the proper titles for your guests on your place cards; however, at a casual wedding you could get away with no titles at all. In either instance, you shouldn’t use the wrong title.
This is the most extensive site I’ve found on the topic of addressing. http://newportmanners.com/default.asp
Post # 6
@Zusie: Thank you! That was very helpful.
Post # 7
Post # 8
Everyone has pretty much covered this, so all I will say is that I would say “Dr and Mr” for a lady Doctor/PhD and a husband with no title. it just sounds better.
Post # 9
@Brielle: Ha — was just about to post that link. Love Crane’s.
Post # 10
@bythebook: Me, too!! Love them! Crane’s “Blue Book” on wedding etiquette was my constant companion while I was engaged, and Crane printed my engraved invitation suite, informals, and wedding programs!