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If you want to invite more people, you can. Serve dessert and coffee at a non-meal time, which is not a faux pas, contrary to popular belief. In the end, you have to do what feels right to you. If you sacrifice your own wishes to make other people happy, you will go crazy in the process and have regrets becasue you weren't able to enjoy yourselves.
I don't think there is anything wrong with having an intimate wedding. If this is what you want to do regardless of money, they you should do it and not feel guilty about it. Don't go into massive debt just because you feel bad.
I think it's really endearing that you and your FI want to only share this precious moment with those who are very close with you. Cheers for that!
You should do exactly what you feel comfortable with. We are only having 50 people- because those 50 peole are the ones who really matter to us. I would not want a big wedding- it would not be me.
I think it's great you want to keep your wedding special! If you are truly worried about hurting the feelings of not-so-close friends and family, maybe a month or so after the wedding you can throw a small party for everyone, like a backyard barbecue or even a potluck at a nearby park to celebrate. This way everyone can be involved somehow, and your budget doesn't have to be spread too thin.
Good luck!
If you don't have the money to invite 200-300 people don't do it just because other people are.... i mean serious how many of those 200 people are really that close to the bride and groom.... it's great for the people that do it but don't feel like you HAVE to because it's what others do.
We're have a super small ceremony... and when i sat small i mean... my brother and my partners brother (witnesses) and my partners two children... and the photogapher..... we are having a party that night to surprise people but still thats only going to be like 20 people.
Do what you want.... and don't feel guilty! there is no need to feel guilty
Honey GO FOR IT!!! What you've described is exactley what I wanted, but I dind't have the spine to insit upon a small affair. Now I'm hosting a 300 person affair, with invites going to people neither I not FI really know well. It really really bothers me sometiems. So go for what YOU want, you'll not regret it.
do whatever makes you happy. we're having a 30 person ceremony because i'm not ok with having hundreds of people looking at me. sure, people are upset and giving us crap about it, but oh well. they will get over it, and we'll have a fabulous wedding. sometimes you just have to think about yourself, and your wedding is one of those times.
I wanted a small wedding - 50 people or so. But in my family, since Im the only daughter it is not an option. 150 people are invited to the reception, but in order to cut down costs it will be a cocktail reception.
Glad you are doing what YOU want to, its the most important thing, I wouldnt feel guilty about it at all!
We had a small wedding as well-about 25 people attended :) My sister, on the other hand, 300 people at her wedding. It just wasn't my preference-go for what you want!
I say to go for it! Don't let people be pushy about the guest list and don't feel guilty about not inviting everyone you know! It is about you and your fiance and the people that are truly meaningful to you in your lives. When it comes down to it, no matter how big your guest list is you are going have to leave someone out... but you should do what you and your fiance want to do and what will make y'all's day special :]
We're also having a small wedding with only 24 guests. We are pretty private people and while we know a lot of people, we wanted to share this special occasion with those closest to us which is our immediate families and some friends.
We've gotten a lot of support from friends that are 20-25 years older than us who understand why we're doing it this way, but some family and younger friends are upset. Can't please everyone!
I really wanted to do a small wedding (50, that'd be family and bridal party only since my mom has a big family) but our parents threw a fit. They wanted their cousins and friends invited since they feel they have been a part of our lives. Honestly, I just bit the bullet on this one because they offered financial support if we had a bigger wedding. I'd still rather have the small, intimate wedding in my favorite venue that holds no more than 120, and only about 70 comfortably, but oh well.
I think small weddings are awesome, and you definitely shouldn't feel guilty. If you and your FI want to have a smaller affair with only close family there, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
I think you said it perfectly - "We want to treat those we love to something special" ! That pretty much sums up exactly what I think most people want at the very root of their wedding planning. The number and the details are the only difference. :)
Don't worry. I think it sounds special and intimate. Later in life, if you and your husband can and want to throw a big, huge party, you can!!!! You don't HAVE to do it right now. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty! Enjoy it, savor it and try to embrace what will make it different and special for you!
I think intimate weddings are wonderful!
We are having a wedding of 60 including us and wedding party! And I have not regretted our choice once!
Do what you want to do and stand by your choice!
I agree that you should stand by your choice! We're also having a small wedding, 65 people. It's only family and very close friends. It's not stingy. I feel the same way about the budget. I have a small budget and I definitely went for spending more per person and inviting less people.
Hey guys,
Thank you so much! You've made me feel so much better, I had never expected to get so much support and encouragement. Thank you for showing me that it's not as unusual as I thought!
CHK thank you, it feels really good to hear it from someone who has considered both sides of the coin.
Barcelona, isn't that interesting that the older people understood? I've found that a lot of my older family friends have had very traditional values and kind of scorned me for it, but then my parents understand so I guess that's what matters the most.
Future Mrs Martin & zippylef, thank you, it's good to see another fellow small-weddinger has no regrets!
Thanks again guys, I didn't realise what a relief logging onto Wedding bee would be today!
I think having a small wedding is SMART! I have friends inviting hundreds of people to their weddings (including their hairdresser, their mom's hairdresser, etc.) most of whom they will never have any contact with in 5 years. Not everyone wants to go in debt over a wedding, and I agree about not wanting to spread the money thinly over the masses. I am having a wedding with under 50 and cannot imagine inviting more because the people we have chosen to invite are people who have been in of lives for years and will continue to be in our lives for years to come! If you are seriously torn about not wanting to hurt people's feelings.. consider a destination our out of town wedding. That will weed out the people who don't really see your wedding being worth the trip without having any hurt feelings. We are having an out of town wedding and that has helped with keeping the numbers down! Check out intimateweddings.com for inspiration for small weddings.
@cherryblossom: we totally did that (had a destination type wedding, about an hour away from 1/2 of the guest list and a full 6 hours from the other half). And we did it on a Thursday, that way we'll have no hurt feelings and the folks that really want to be there to see us married will be.
I had a wedding with only 25 guests. It was awesome. Everyone kept telling me how they wish their wedding had been so intimate! We enjoyed ourselves and we were able to meet with everyone and mingle at the reception and still eat our food and cake. I loved my wedding, so I say do it.
I think everyone secretly wishes they had a small wedding - only society, family commitments and the 'rules' dictate that you don't..
We are having around 30 guests, and I wouldn't have it any other way! We considered eloping - just to escape the stigma of not inviting every colleague and distant relative. But in the end decided that we only wanted our closest friends and family there for this special occasion.
So we too are having a 'grand' reception for a few guests - exactly the way we wanted - and why should we feel guilty when we are the ones paying for it?!
That money spent on having all your 'closest' 100 fam & friends could be spent so much more wisely in my opinion...
Check out the blog "intimateweddings.com" if you need some inspiration! The weddings they feature there are so lovely.
We're having about 40-45 people, so I'm with you on having a smaller wedding. I wish it could be smaller but I don't like having to choose one person over another, so this is about as small as we could get it. I say, if you want it small, don't feel bad about it. It's your personal choice-- be proud of it. I am very looking forward to my smaller wedding, because it will be so much nicer and less stressful than if I had chosen to have a big wedding.
I finally wrote my list up over the weekend and its only about 30 people ( including children) that we think will come. It's partially due to our age, the age and health of our familes, and the fact I really dont think MY big day is the big day for everyone else. I think the biggest trick is to find a venue where your crowd looks like a crowd;)
We had a beautiful wedding with a dozen guests. That allowed us to really treat those we invited--providing accommodations for everyone at our expense, having a reception with a choice of lobster or filet mignon as entrees, etc. No one was complaining!
my wedding is for 22 people, which includes me and FI.....for the reason the same as the OP.....i am not a show person, neither is my partner and thats why i dont think there will even be any speeches. just a nice meal for us and 20 of our nearest and dearest, i cant wait.
We're having a wedding with about 70 guests, consisting mainly of close friends and family. We didn't want a 'conference' style wedding with some 200+ people we barely knew or liked. There are other pluses to a smaller wedding: you have more options for choosing a venue, you get to save more money (even splurge for things that really matter) and you get to spend more time with your guests. Enjoy it!
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Helu everyone,
Could I beg your thoughts on something close to us?
Were planning an intimate affair, about 25 people, just our immediate families and our dearest friends, about equal amt of family;friend ratio. Let me say first I do understand the need for large weddings and I admire people who have the courage and vision to pull it off. The more I talk to my friends and family, the more nervous I feel about our choice. I wonderered if I could get your thoughts on what you think about our decision?
We've chosen a small wedding because we're not particularly big on show, we love being with those we love and look forward to spending the night talking and laughing with our closest loved ones.
We don't have a lot of money (to put it lightly) so we thought it would be nice to treat those we love to something special rather than spread it thinly over the masses.
We are loyal to our loved ones, we've been through the highs and lows with them, and they've been there for us. This is the most special day of our lives and we want those who've been through the lows with us to come through the ultimate high for us. Does that make sense at all?
I'm wondering if I'm a bit of a lone wolf among the masses on this topic. I've friends planning weddings for 100,200,300+ people and here I am looking stingy and mean with my little affair. What do you think? Is it time to change, should we completely re-vamp the guest list?
Love to hear your thoughts...