(Closed) Guilt about living far away from family…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Awww, ((hugs)). I can’t imagine what its like to live away from family. Pretty much everyone is within a 45 min drive from us. We thought about moving away, but at this time, we just couldn’t stomach it. Maybe we will with our next house…

I really don’t have any advice, but thankfully there is skype, and you are able to see them a few times a year. Just try to get yourself out there socially to make new friends in your area. I’m sure your family understands why you are staying there

Post # 4
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I really have no advice but I’d just like to say that I know what you’re going through.  My family is in Michigan and I’m in Nevada and I just hate being so far away from them.  I would love to move back to the Midwest but it’s a scary prospect with the economy the way it is.

It is really hard to be far away from your family when you actually WANT to live near them.  It’s great you get to see them four times a year, though!  I know it’s not enough but it’s better than never seeing them at all like if you moved to Australia or something πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t have any advice for you but wanted to share that I’m definitely with you.  My family is in Michigan. I moved to Nashville for a job, met my fiance, who’s from ND. Long story short, I moved to ND (technically I’m 8 hours closer to my family — it was a 16 hr drive from Nashville).

There are definite times of loneliness…even though I’ve made some friends here and of course I love fiance and his family. Especially now that I’ve had my own child it makes the distance seem so much farther (maybe that’s something you want to consider). Even though I chose to move away to Nashville I never really imagined myself raising my child(ren) without my parents being around. It saddens me so deeply that they don’t get to see him grow up. Thank god for Skype…seriously it’s so nice to be able to see my dear sister and mother’s faces sometimes! But I long for a simple glass of wine on the back porch with some of my most beloved friends…it’s definitely hard. I don’t think it’ll ever get easier.

I really want to move closer to my family but it really doesn’t make any sense because we’d then be far away from HIS family…it’s such a hard situation! I feel your pain/sadness.

Post # 6
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We also moved away from family for my husband’s work (from Michigan to VA). I have the same kind of guilt- my brother and sister are at the age where they’re thinking about kids, my parents are in wind down mode, and I’d like to be around for it.

I think the best thing to do is for you and your fiance to discuss where you see yourselves in 5-10 years. Being on the same page and having a tenative plan is a good start.

Post # 7
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

@loveknows: My situation is very similar to yours.  I moved out to PA (philly) from MI almost 4 years ago with my bf (now husband) when he started law school out here.  It was really hard at first.  It was hard to even talk to my family sometimes bc I missed them so much and I also felt like I was missing out on stuff.  I didn’t really think the move would be permanent, But we really like the area and we’ve found our niche here…. made good friends, we both have really good jobs.  We see our families for all of the major holidays, and probably at least 2-3 more times per year for vacations/ visits. But I know how it feels to not have family close by.  I worry when I think about us having kids. 

I don’t know if I have any helpful advice, but I would say stay in touch the best way you can.  For me, it’s writing little notes and cards to my nieces, calling/ emailing/ g-chatting when I can, trying to stay involved and interested in my family’s life, even if I’m far away.  Also, planning the next get-together or vacation helps. 

I don’t really have any magic words of wisdom, but I wanted to let you know you’re not alone.  You are doing what feels best for you and FI and the little family you are making.  The distance makes your family relationships different, but not necessarily not as close.  Hope that helps a little Smile  

 

Post # 8
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

Wow a lot of bees moving out of Michigan!  Not too surprising, tho

Post # 9
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

@MCC919: lol- I was just going to say that. After my husband and I graduated college NEITHER of us could find employment.

Post # 10
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We moved away 3 years ago for me to go to grad school but my FI found a great job so I don’t think we’ll be moving back when I am done (in a few years yet).  I feel very guilty eventhough I talk with my family often and visit a fair amount.  My grandmother passed away recently and we are making the trip home in an hour or so πŸ™ I think that’s the hardest part.  My FI loves it up here and does not want to move back (we’re about 7 hours away by car), especially because of his job, and I like it up here but I miss everyone.

Post # 11
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There ARE a lot of bees that moved out of Michigan!! I moved from MI to LA a year and a half ago. I only get home about twice a year!  I wish I could be there more often, I miss my little brother (who is like my bff) and espeically now that my sister is having a baby- I dont want to miss out on everything!  I have like no family or friends here. and FI is gone allll the time for his job.   I totally understand what the OP means about sometimes feeling a little sorry for myself. which is weird cause I am not normally like that. It just… sucks.

Post # 12
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MCC919: I saw that, too! Not surprising with Michigan’s economy…but just think of how many others have left the state when we are just a small sampling?! It’s amazing.  So sad because it’s a beautiful state and I absolutely miss Lake Superior and Lake Michigan.

Post # 13
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

FI and I recently moved back to VA from CA.  It wasn’t so much to be closer to my family, as it was for employment, which is eternally better in DC than most anywhere else in the country.  The fact that my family is here is a bonus.

FI is from WA and I know it’s hard on him to be away from them.  His mom especially has a hard time with it. πŸ™  I have that guilt sometimes, but I told him from the start that I couldn’t see myself in that area, so we’re just committed to visiting as often as possible!

I grew up in a military home and we were never very close to any family.  We did always make great friends and they became our little families, many of whom we’re still so close with!  I have such close relationships with my grandparents and several aunts/uncles.  Mostly because they were willing to put in the time to keep in touch with me.  They were there for big events in my life and never forgot to call on a birthday!!  I’d say for you to try and do the same, stay active in your families lives and you’ll always feel close.

Post # 14
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Aww this post makes me sad too.  I live very close to my family now, and even in the same condo complex as my brother, sister in law, and niece!  There are two new babies on the way in the family, and my fiance and are are moving far away only ten days after the wedding.  We’re excited about the adventure, but I’ll be sorry if we are far away forever.  Who knows what will happen.  πŸ™ 

At least I get to be excited about the newness of the adventure, and of having my future husband with me! 

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