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Has she said anything about feeling left out? I mean, you are pretty far out from your wedding, so if you do eventually change your mind about having a bigger bridal party, you can always ask her a little closer to your date. If you want to keep it small, though, you should. She might not expect or even want to be in your wedding if you two aren't that close. And if she does feel a little sad that she's the only sibling not in the wedding party, you can just include her in the ceremony, like you were already planning on doing. Or, to give her a little more responsibility/involvement, have her walk grandparents or parents down the aisle, or have her do a reading or something. Just because she wouldn't be a bridesmaid does not mean she has to feel left out.
Well, we had this issue, too. I lost my brother last year and felt it was inappropriate to ask his only sister to stand on MY side if my only sibling/brother could not stand on his side. My FI understood, but i heard through the grapevine that she was "bummed" she wasn't in our wedding. Well, i already had 6 bridesmaids. My FI ended up asking her to stand on his side. In a black dress with a matching sash to my bridesmaids. But obviously a grooms-woman, haha. She's super psyched about this. Is this an option? It depends on if he wants his brother AND sister on his side, or brother and a friend.
If not, have her do a reading of some sort. Have her coordinate with the wedding via a color if you don't necessarily want her as part of the bridal party.
I felt kinda guilty, too, like I "should" have asked her, even though I didn't think we were close enough to render that. I still have people asking me how i'm going to get her in our hand-made BM dresses at 7 months pregnant.
I like the idea of having her stand on your FI's side. If you guys like that idea.
She could do a reading during your ceremony. I wouldn't ask her to pass out programs, as that seems to be more like WORK. Doing a reading would be more honorable.
Or you could have her as your third bridesmaid, and either have your FI choose a third groomsman or just have uneven sides.
I picked my FSIL along with my two sisters for my bridesmaids. I wasn't too close with her, but over the 1+ year we've been engaged, we've gotten closer b/c of the wedding. She'll be in my life forever, so I thought it was a nice thing to do. FI picked my brother as his 4th groomsman (the other three are friends). He didn't want uneven sides but choosing my brother was more important. Sometimes you just have to let things go, for family's sake.
I'm all for asking her to be a BM.
Like Grey56 said, I think it will bring you closer together.
@Mrs.Spring: its true, we are just in the beginning of planning and have no set decisions on anything yet, however just yesterday FI's mom asked out of the blue who my bridesmaids were and i instantly said my sister and friend... she looked somewhat surprised (and got rather quiet after that) that her daughter was not mentioned. now i feel like if i ask her later it she'll know it wasn't my original plan. You bring up an excellent point that she may not even expect to be in the wedding, even if her mom does.
i love your suggestion of her walking the grandparents down the aisle though. i want her to participate and feel special; just not necessarily a bridesmaid. thanks!
@ejs4y8: what a great idea! i guess i never thought about that as an option... i'll have to see what my FI thinks about it though. its nice to hear that i'm not the only one that feels/felt "the guilt". thanks!
@Grey56: i know, you are soo right it could bring us closer... she will be / is family. i just will feel bad asking her after telling her mom that i planned on only 2.
I think the first thing to do is wait a while. Then figure out if she evens care to be in the wedding. If she doesn't care now, that might not be true in the future. You have over two year. Things might change between the two of you (for better or worse). And for that matter relationships could change with the other girls in your BP.
After you've waited, I think then figure out if she has an interest in being in the wedding. If she does, I think it would be really great to ask her. If you get along well enough, why not? Who couldn't use a little help in fostering good relations with the future in laws? And in some cases, not having the FSIL means more than "not fostering good relations". It means people harboring bad feelings. It doesn't have to be the sister. It could be the mom.
You want a small wedding party. 3 BMs is still fairly small.
I like the idea of making her a groomswoman. Otherwise, have her be part of the procession, do a reading, give her a corsage.
Don't have her be a "greeter" that might hurt her feelings. Since you get along and you seem to like her, I think it wouldn't hurt to have her as a BM. Maybe it could help you two establish a tighter relationship.
aisle.jpg (8.9 KB, 41 downloads) 1 year old 
I think you should ask her to be a bridesmaid. I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding and honestly would have been quite hurt to not be included. To me it's family first, and she is now going to be your family...
I like the idea of having her be a reader. All my siblings are in the bridal party (sister is MOH & brothers are ushers) and only FI's sister is doing the readings (his other 3 siblings don't have a part, but they are all quite a bit older, so I don't think there were any hard feelings).
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I have 1 sister (my MOH). my Fi has 1 brother (his Best man), AND 1 sister. I'd like to have a small bridal party and only have 1 other bridesmaid (my best friend since middle school), and 1 other groomsmen.
however, I'm starting to feel guilty about not asking his sister to be a bridesmaid. We get along, but are not close... should I ask her just to keep her more involved? ( otherwise she would be a "greeter" and pass out programs )
the guilt is building....