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I didn't feel guilty about being a bride, I just wanted to be as fair to everyone as possible. I let my bm's pick their own dresses (I chose the color), their own shoes in silver, and I provided a lot of other things for them. I think that trying not to get lost in the fantasy of it all and keeping grounded is important. I happen to be ver particular about somethings, so I'm sure I had my "bridezilla" moments, but overall my bm's, friends, and family thought I did a good job of staying level headed.
Yes. I feel guilty. Because I know it would be a struggle for me to be a bridesmaid in soemone else's wedding, so I feel for them on the money issue, and have let them pick their own dresses, etc. but can't afford to buy their dresses, so I end up feeling guilty. Not to mention I have a ton of DIY to do, which they're all willing to help with, but I feel like other brides must do it without an army behind them, so I end up feeling like I ask too much. Aw well, what are you going to do? I'm trying t o remember that people don't do things they don't want to or can't, right? Anyway, I'm right there with you ms. tofu!
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Yes. Yes yes yes. I make more money than some of the people i'd ask to be a maid, and I hate thinking they'd have to take time off of work, buy anything for my wedding, or spend any time doing things for it. I feel like i'll be obligated by my concience to buy their dresses, shoes, even help with any transporation costs they may have.
It depends on the day/task! I have three and am nervous about money being an issue for them; I bought their dresses and will be paying for hair and probably jewelry and shoes but there are lots of other things that come up. Also, two work and one just had a baby and the other is trying to wrap up grad school and I know from personal experience the stress of that. None of them are in the same town, so I feel bad asking them to travel to take part in things like shopping when they have so much going on in their own lives! I'm working on delegating and completing tasks long distance and enjoying my time with them when we can get together.
Oh yes! The thing I'm struggling with right now are the dresses. If we order from where I purchased my gown, each girl would get $50 off her dress. But, I still worry that $238 is a lot to ask someone to pay for a gown, even if it is an Amsale!
Yay! I'm not alone! Or is it, Awww..I'm not alone.. =( sorry you guys feel this way, too!
I won't be buying them their dresses, shoes, makeup, or hair! But I will allow them to choose their dresses (sorta), shoes, makeup and hair (i.e. self or thru my future MUA).
I have 4 maids + the MOH, and while I don't worry too much about the money (since I'm going for budget bride and all), I worry too much about their time! I know I'm a busy busy bee, and I'm sure they are busy with their own lives too! I know they are already taking days off for the wedding, and blocking out vacation time for the bachelorette party.. they are being super sweet! I wish I could offer to pay for their dresses at least!
Any bridesmaids want to weigh in? I've been a bridesmaid a couple of times, but it was always for my sisters and they paid for everything for me.
usually bridesmaids are excited about your wedding and want to help. as long as you remember that this isn't their wedding so they're not quite as excited as you are, i think you're fine. they'll appreciate what you can do to make it easier financially or time/effort/DIY-wise, but i don't think most people expect the bride and groom to provide everything for them.
YES! All three of my BMs live out of NYC...so I didn't get to go dress shopping with them. We all had to do it separately and none of them came to see the wedding gown I bought! But the most important part is that no matter where they are, they were the ones so I wouldn't have chosen someone in NYC over them. A lot of things are done over e-mail and I felt BAD asking them to go try on dresses so that we can decided. But now that that's done, I feel relieved. Also, I feel bad for them to throw me a shower, bachelorette party, etc. Two of them are moms so I feel that their budget isn't big so I feel bad for that as well. But in all fairness, I'm not too bridezilla like with too many ideas about aspects of the wedding to alleviate my guilty feeling. I totally understand where you're coming from but remember, they love you too, and want to be a part of your day and would expect the same from you if the roles were reversed. SO let's not feel bad =D
Ms. Tofu, I love you. I felt the same way... a little guilty. I'm a bridesmaid right now, and the bride is asking quite a bit from us all time wise and financially. I love her dearly, but am incredibly busy working on a second master's and serving the Air Force. It's nice to hear other bride's realize this. :)
Nope. I was in all my friends' weddings. And although they were in my first wedding (I'm an encore bride and getting remarried!), we're all older now, can afford a tad more, and I'm letting them all wear a cool little black dress! I will also get them some cool jewelry (decided on some coin pearl jewelry from an artisan I found on Etsy) and matching purses and have a nice swag bag o' stuff for when I officially propose to them to be my bridesmaid..again!
Nope, I never felt guilty because I didn't really ask my girls to do anything. So, since I didn't they didn't help with my bridal shower and they didn't give me a bachelorette shower or anything, so I don't feel like there was anything to be guilty about.
I have not felt guilty because I have no asked my bridesmaids to do anything. haha. The only people that have made me feel like crap are my parents. Pretty interesting actually. They love my FI and they want us to get married, but they have made me feel like crap when it comes to money. I haven't even asked them for money. I have asked if they were going to be able to help at all, and they basically told me that I am selfish for asking... I think the situation with my parents has made me NOT want to ask anyone for help. Is that bad? I just don't want anyone to think that I am taking advantage of them.
I feel a little guilty that I'm asking my MOH to travel 2000 miles to attend (same with my FIs BM...) but what can you do? Either I ask our bridal party to travel or our whole family! When it came down to it it was an easy decision...
I'm not taking any money from either of our parents, because I feel guilty spending anyone's money but my own on a party for us. In terms of bridesmaids, I haven't really asked anything of them yet. I feel like they're already spending money on things they wouldn't otherwise buy just to help me celebrate... I have trouble asking anything else.
My default feeling is guilty whenever I'm asking something of people. I'm working really hard on accepting all the love and support that is coming my way without feeling bad about it.
I've really tried to minimize what I've asked of everyone, as well.
@Lillindy - did you decide not to have a bach party or shower? Or did you plan it yourself?
@hisMrs - yikes! that seems like such an unfortunate situation! But I kinda can relate. My FILs haven't really offered to help with the cost (though, my FSIL and FBIL has offered help with being a DOC and/or giving us their timeshares for our honeymoon), yet. And my parents? Well, my mom is unemployed and my dad is working part time only. (They are both sr citizens) So, I have a difficult time taking money from them (even though they have offered what savings they do have).
So, FI and I are bearing the costs ourselves! My MOH thinks I should delegate more tasks, but I also want to be able to control as much of the wedding aspects that I can.
I think the best thing to do in such a case would be just to bear the cost yourselves, and see what fits in your own budget. We gave our parents a guestlist limit and if they wanted to invite more or want us to do anything their way - we tell them we can't due to financial restraints, and they either leave it at that, or offer to help us financial to accomodate them.
@MightySapphire: don't feel guilty for that! Even if she wasn't your MOH, she is your good friend, and wouldn't she travel anyway? She's not gonna want to miss your wedding!
I'm so worried about this that I already decided that when I get engaged, I'm going to ask my bridesmaids to wear their favourite Little Black Dress (and probably pair it with a nice little sash/belt in a brighter colour, which I will make or buy). I really, really don't want to financially inconvenience anyone.
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Does anyone else have a guilty conscience because you're a bride? Particularly towards the bridesmaids?
I sometimes feel like I'm asking a lot of my bridesmaids. Not that any of them ever give me issues or complain (except maybe my sister, but that's expected because she is my sister!) They don't all live in the same city (one is 2 hours away!) so I feel bad to ask them to go shopping with me or help me with wedding stuff. So, I end up trying to minimize doing stuff and trying to do things on my own, or not doing anything at all.
Does anyone else feel this way? I think everything I hear about Bridezilla is making me try to be as least Bridezilla-ish as I can be! The last thing I want to do is inconvenience my bridesmaids!