(Closed) Guilty Conscience Bride

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I didn’t feel guilty about being a bride, I just wanted to be as fair to everyone as possible.  I let my bm’s pick their own dresses (I chose the color), their own shoes in silver, and I provided a lot of other things for them.  I think that trying not to get lost in the fantasy of it all and keeping grounded is important.  I happen to be ver particular about somethings, so I’m sure I had my "bridezilla" moments, but overall my bm’s, friends, and family thought I did a good job of staying level headed.

Post # 4
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Yes. I feel guilty. Because I know it would be a struggle for me to be a bridesmaid in soemone else’s wedding, so I feel for them on the money issue, and have let them pick their own dresses, etc. but can’t afford to buy their dresses, so I end up feeling guilty. Not to mention I have a ton of DIY to do, which they’re all willing to help with, but I feel like other brides must do it without an army behind them, so  I end up feeling like I ask too much. Aw well, what are you going to do? I’m trying t o remember that people don’t do things they don’t want to or can’t, right? Anyway, I’m right there with you ms. tofu!

Post # 5
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Yes. Yes yes yes. I make more money than some of the people i’d ask to be a maid, and I hate thinking they’d have to take time off of work, buy anything for my wedding, or spend any time doing things for it. I feel like i’ll be obligated by my concience to buy their dresses, shoes, even help with any transporation costs they may have.

Post # 6
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It depends on the day/task!  I have three and am nervous about money being an issue for them; I bought their dresses and will be paying for hair and probably jewelry and shoes but there are lots of other things that come up.  Also, two work and one just had a baby and the other is trying to wrap up grad school and I know from personal experience the stress of that.  None of them are in the same town, so I feel bad asking them to travel to take part in things like shopping when they have so much going on in their own lives!  I’m working on delegating and completing tasks long distance and enjoying my time with them when we can get together. 

Post # 7
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House

Oh yes!  The thing I’m struggling with right now are the dresses.  If we order from where I purchased my gown, each girl would get $50 off her dress.  But, I still worry that $238 is a lot to ask someone to pay for a gown, even if it is an Amsale!

Post # 9
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

usually bridesmaids are excited about your wedding and want to help. as long as you remember that this isn’t their wedding so they’re not quite as excited as you are, i think you’re fine. they’ll appreciate what you can do to make it easier financially or time/effort/DIY-wise, but i don’t think most people expect the bride and groom to provide everything for them.

Post # 10
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

YES!  All three of my BMs live out of NYC…so I didn’t get to go dress shopping with them.  We all had to do it separately and none of them came to see the wedding gown I bought!  But the most important part is that no matter where they are, they were the ones so I wouldn’t have chosen someone in NYC over them.  A lot of things are done over e-mail and I felt BAD asking them to go try on dresses so that we can decided.  But now that that’s done, I feel relieved.  Also, I feel bad for them to throw me a shower, bachelorette party, etc.  Two of them are moms so I feel that their budget isn’t big so I feel bad for that as well.  But in all fairness, I’m not too bridezilla like with too many ideas about aspects of the wedding to alleviate my guilty feeling.  I totally understand where you’re coming from but remember, they love you too, and want to be a part of your day and would expect the same from you if the roles were reversed.  SO let’s not feel bad =D

Post # 11
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Ms. Tofu, I love you.  I felt the same way… a little guilty.  I’m a bridesmaid right now, and the bride is asking quite a bit from us all time wise and financially.  I love her dearly, but am incredibly busy working on a second master’s and serving the Air Force.  It’s nice to hear other bride’s realize this.  🙂

Post # 12
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Nope.  I was in all my friends’ weddings.  And although they were in my first wedding (I’m an encore bride and getting remarried!), we’re all older now, can afford a tad more, and I’m letting them all wear a cool little black dress!  I will also get them some cool jewelry (decided on some coin pearl jewelry from an artisan I found on Etsy) and matching purses and have a nice swag bag o’ stuff for when I officially propose to them to be my bridesmaid..again!

Post # 13
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nope, I never felt guilty because I didn’t really ask my girls to do anything.  So, since I didn’t they didn’t help with my bridal shower and they didn’t give me a bachelorette shower or anything, so I don’t feel like there was anything to be guilty about.

Post # 14
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have not felt guilty because I have no asked my bridesmaids to do anything. haha. The only people that have made me feel like crap are my parents. Pretty interesting actually. They love my FI and they want us to get married, but they have made me feel like crap when it comes to money. I haven’t even asked them for money. I have asked if they were going to be able to help at all, and they basically told me that I am selfish for asking… I think the situation with my parents has made me NOT want to ask anyone for help. Is that bad? I just don’t want anyone to think that I am taking advantage of them.

Post # 15
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I feel a little guilty that I’m asking my MOH to travel 2000 miles to attend (same with my FIs BM…) but what can you do?  Either I ask our bridal party to travel or our whole family!  When it came down to it it was an easy decision…

Post # 16
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m not taking any money from either of our parents, because I feel guilty spending anyone’s money but my own on a party for us. In terms of bridesmaids, I haven’t really asked anything of them yet. I feel like they’re already spending money on things they wouldn’t otherwise buy just to help me celebrate… I have trouble asking anything else.

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