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I hate the "what do you really want" question too! I guess it's a way of asking our preference priorities from the registry though.
Personally, I would make sure you have plenty of items in the $100-$200 range depending on the ages of your guests. I usually spend $150 on a wedding gift, give or take a little depending on whether I actually attend the wedding or not. Most of the gifts purchased from our registry are around $100 for people not attending and $200 for those who are.
maybe those people asking want to be sure they get you something you'll be "really" excited about. For me it was my china, I was so excited by my china but was afraid that the cost would throw people off, so when I was asked I would tell them, "I really want the formal china, and I wouldn't mind if people bought it for me in groups since it's so expensive."
I REALLY want the kitchenaid standmixer - see holy grail of wedding items....
but I don't feel right asking people to drop that kinda coin on us! I'm excited about everything on the registry though... I just feel so bad about gifts! AHH!
I actually have asked my friends this because I want to get them whatever they're most excited for. People asked me, too - and I was very quick to let them know I want that Panini maker from Crate and Barrel as well as the dishes we registered for!! :) That is "What I REALLY want!" That is my interpretation of the question at least. B/c I do agree - everything on my registry I really want...but if you want to know what I want most, well that is a different answer! :)
People made a fuss about me registering at Williams-Sonoma b/c it's so expensive.
Ummmm I ddin't register for pans there, people. GADGETS and COOKBOOKS for like $20. Clueless, really.
I've gotten this a lot too. My bridesmaids have asked me so they can tell other people? I guess it means that for some people there are things on there that they reeeeaaaalllly want, and other stuff is just stuff they need. If that's not the case, just say anything off the registry is great, thanks! But it is all a bit awkward, I agree.
I think Kara has it right. They want to get you something that you REALLY want, not just towels because you need them. We registered through wishpot.com which has a little drop down menu so that you can rank each item as "I neeeed it" "I really really want it" "I want it" and "I'm thinking about it". I don't love the category names and refuse to use "I neeeed it" but I'm hoping people will see the tag and not ask me that question. It makes me feel so uncomfortable and I never know what to say!
If you think receiving a gift is bad. What about straight up cash?! My FI is Vietnamese, and in their culture they give money. Lots of money. It took me a long time to feel comfortable with this idea. I have met his family, they aren't rich by any means, how are they going to give us so much? Anyway, my FI explained that it is a tradition. People save for family weddings for years in advanced sometimes.
Anyway, my point is. Accept the gifts they give you and try not to feel bad.
i creeated a custom registry on wishpot for those "what do you really want" questions. because, to be perfectly honest, while we needed kitchen towels and a toaster and a blender and pots and pans...it was also hard to get excited about them.
Here are some of the things we registerested for on Wishpot. Mostly our friend bought us these and i'm sure it was a much more fun gift to purchase than bath towels!
I didn't make the Wishpot list super public (put it on our website but not shower invitations or other wedding info) so it worked out nicely for the people who wanted to get us something different, but we still got lots of boring, necessary things.
Ohh, LatteLove, I was excited about the "boring, necessary things" until I thought about the possibility of better things... Disneyland passes would be great! Aw man, I may need to start a wishpot registry now. But then again, we really DO need the "boring" stuff, and I don't want to take away from that. augh, I don't know!
and LLauRRa: don't feel guilty - if people are asking for more and pushing like that it means that they really do WANT to get you something.
People are asking what we really really want off of our registries too. And I feel that we didn't register for anything we don't need/want. We don't have a ton of stuff on our registries but what we do have on there is stuff that we want or we would not have registered for it!
We did a range of $1.99 to $399 and that includes the smallest kitchen gadget to the Kitchen Aid mixer.
Oy! I'm having a really small, family only wedding across the country from all of our friends, but friends from out of town, who aren't coming to wedding, have asked where I'm registered so they can stills send a gift. AWKWARD! We registered for family and I kinda do WANT gifts but I don't want to tell people "don't worry about presents really" and then say (since they asked) "but we're registered at Target." Oh wedding gifting, why are you so awkward!!!
Before I got engaged, I actually asked a friend what she wanted off her registry, just like you described people are doing to you. I was totally clueless about gift-giving, to me it was mandatory and completely impersonal since guests don't REALLY pick out the gifts they choose to buy, they're picked out by the couple. It made sense to me at the time to ask because I figured out of all the stuff they registered for, maybe they NEEDED some things more than others. But now I realize that was kind of idiotic and I'm a little embarassed.
I'm picky about what I buy people as wedding gifts. It's always something off their registry, but I try to get the most personal or "them" thing on there. I love personal and meaningful gifts, so I don't ever really wanna be the gifter who gives the couple one of many plates, or towels or whatnot.
D'OH!!! I've asked that question to just about everyone I know closely that I've bought something off their registry.
Even after reading the posts, I don't think that's such an odd question. Yes, I know you picked out everything on your registry and you'd be really happy to get those things. But aren't there certain items that you saw and LOVED and are excited to potentially receive as gifts?
That's what the question is inferring. As a gift giver, I want to give you something that you will be STOKED about and that has some sort of meaning (ie: I was really excited about the beautiful candlesticks, or I really hope someone purchases the rice cooker)...
It's a bit daunting to be looking at a list of things - all fine items, but gift-givers can sometimes feel lost. And, while your towels may make you happy, sometimes towels don't 'feel' as special of a wedding gift - conversely, if the bride told you - I can't WAIT to get my towels - they are the most awesome, blah blah blah, it ramps up the 'specialness' of the gift.
I registered for a dyson - $400. Some might think this is too expensive of an item to register for, but I have an extremely large family that traditionally all chips together to get that "one big item" on the registry list.
Never feel guilty about the more expensive things, just don't "expect" them. That way, when a few of your girlfriends/family members chip in to get that pricey piece, you'll be so grateful!
I have an ever-shedding yellow lab that will keep my dyson busy... can't wait. :)
For some reason, I have never had giftee guilt :-) I am always the one that has wishlists ready for my birthday and christmas.. I figure if people want to buy something for me, they know their finances better than I do and I shouldn't feel bad about what they want to spend. No one is going to think badly of you for registering for things that are more expensive.. and if they do, they obviously missed the concept completely. It's just a list of suggestions!
Aww, thanks hive! You really know how to put my mind at ease a bit! My shower is this saturday, so since I've moved on from the guilt, I am now EXCITED!! teehee! I can't wait!
My issue is that we really only registered for items we need, and now I have people telling me I need to add to the registry because we don't have enough items! I don't want to "pad" my registry with stuff that we don't need. I just don't!
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Okay, so does anyone else feel guilty about their registry and get weird questions?
I haven't felt great about it since day one. I didn't register for anything that I wouldn't pay for myself... I have a great range of stuff on my reg. so people can buy things from (literally) $3 - $300... and a good majority of the stuff on there is under $30; so I don't feel guilty about what I registered for per se. Just guilty that they're buying stuff for us in general...
Everything we registered for was housewares type things that are common... towels, dishes, sheets, kitchen stuff, etc... and I keep getting people asking me what I "really" want??
I'm like, "Anything off of my registry!" I took time picking that stuff out, why do I keep getting that question? I know they have good intentions, but that's the whole point of the registry right? So they know what you want? But they act like they still have no idea and if I don't give them something specific off the registry they act all confused like they have no clue what to do. I already feel awkward enough talking to them about these gifts because I feel like I'm just asking them to buy me something and I don't want to seem grabby.
I don't know what they want to spend and I don't want to suggest something they can't afford. The first time I was asked "What I really wanted" I said, "anything off my registry" and she goes, "What's the most expensive thing on your registry?" I said $250, and she told me I needed to register for a bigger range... then she asked me if there was something I wanted that wasn't on the registry, which is annoying because again, I took time picking that stuff out... so I picked out sets of dishes I liked at macy's in different price ranges and took the other ones I picked out off of the registry we had. ... and what she ended up buying was $100! Why did she fuss about me not registering for anything over $250 and then just get something for $100? CONFUSING!
I feel guilty registering for items above $40... but people are asking for it... and then I have people asking for things not on the registry...
Anyone else have these kinda issues? Sorry about the soapboxing, I just had to get this off my mind.